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Is it worth tring

Posted by
BENNIE
on Dec 25 2014 at 04:50
Member since: 25 December 2014
Other advice I am not sure how to explain this, but here goes. I have been with a girl now for over three years. And we have a very beautiful two year old daughter. And I have a seventeen year old son from my first marriage. My sons mother ideas at twenty seven with a rare heart problem. Any ways I finally found someone who I thought was the love of my life. And this was after nine years of dating did I decide I was ready to start over and remarry and have another child. But after a few months of being with this person I found out that she was an ex herroin addict. And that she had been beat by her ex. I loved her enough to believe that she was clean and ready for a new start. Things where great and got even better after we found out we was pregnant with our daughter. So we got in gaged and was making plans for the future. But soon I found out that she was using pills and that she had a history of mental health. But I still believed we could work it out.

And for several months I thought she was clean Mean there was no signs of her using. But then a lot of things came to light. Come to find out she had shooting up pills and texting and talking to other men. And she even sent one man nude photos but I didn't learn about this until a few months ago. But there had been a few times before this that did make me wonder. But when I checked it out or asked her about it she always made excuses. But about two years into the relationship she told me that she was indeed bisexual and had been with several girls in the past. But once again even though I was shocked and hurt I stayed with her. And to be honest after a few months we had a threesome with one of her friends. And it was supposed to be a onetime thing. She said it was for me to show that even though she was bi that she could be faithful. And for a time things where great until she made out with the same girl that following New Years. She said it was because she was drunk. I felt like crap and left her for several weeks. I did get back with her after we had to talk about it.

But them just a few months ago it all came out. She had been hanging out with other men when she went with her family to Michigan. And that she was still going on date sites and texting other men she said we are just friends but some weren't. And that she had been shooting up pills for awhile. At this point I lost it and left her now she has claimed to have told me all the truth. She says she wants make it work and be a real family. But I'm not sure that I can trust her or ever truly love her again. I'm just not sure how to handle this anymore.

Is it worth tring
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Dec 25 2014 at 15:54
Member since: 19 August 2014
Okay... AFter a few months, you got to see under the surface onion layers and found evidence of drug addiction and abuser addiction (same thing, different substance). She SAID it was in the past. And you believed her so let her get pregnant by you.

PREMATURITY ALERT!!!

You then found YET MORE rot-riddled layers and STILL you proceeded.

It ALWAYS takes from 3 months to start finding out there are evidences of unsuitability, real or potential. Their extent or number is what dictates whether you continue or abort mission. And this investigative/discovery process doesn't end for at least 2 years. That Red Flag was your cue to slow down and start being more watchful. The second Red Flag was your second chance to take heed. Instead you careened ahead anyway. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread". So now you're paying the price with no measures to hand save for damage limitation.

I guess now you know why the last fella - someone who didn't know or didn't care enough to adhere to the mature, adult ways in which to control his over-frustration - resorted to his fists, don't you. There again, you only have HER word that he even did! And what's her word proven to be worth? Precisely. So that set of events are not fact, just mere hearsay.

I expect you yourself feel like landing her a punch by now, right? I know I do and I don't even know her. I do know *behaviour,* though, and "whoops!" suddenly falling pregnant is a downright sh*tty thing to do because it represents a leg shackle whereas a partner is supposed to be locked into a relationship with you solely and exclusively by THE HEART.

Oh, and - news for you: the way to show you can be faithful is BY NOT HAVING ANY ROMANCE/SEX-BASED INTERACTIONS WITH ANY THIRD PARTY NOT YOUR SPOUSE!

Basically, you've found yourself 'shackled' to a woman whom clearly, evidently, in-yer-face-ly is RIDDLED with issues! She's MESS! And she deliberately presented herself as sorted. That, mate, means you got CONNED. Oh, aye - it's not always money they want.

And the REASON why you rushed and ignored all the flags and now are too 'scared' to walk away? Because you waited too long to re-embark on a relationship thus allowed that part of your psyche to get absolutely ravenously starving hungry!

"I felt like crap and left her for several weeks. I did get back with her after we had to talk about it."

The solution this time, having found the mettle to try again to walk away, is obviously NOT TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT if she, by all evidence, can so easily talk you round. ...Wouldn't you say?

That's how to handle it.

She has LIED - ABOUT ALL THE IMPORTANT THINGS THERE ARE TO DISCLOSE, she has MACHINATED, she has COMMITTED ADULTERY and even talked YOU into committing adultery...

Oh, come ON, Bennie, per-LEASE. Surely you're worth a better woman than THAT?!

If somewhere inside you you disagree, then do it for your poor, innocent, powerless son who's being forced to be a victim of all these lowly examples and role-modellings. Or seek grievance counselling so that you can finally CEASE believing that your wife died because life must hate you because you must secretly be sh*t. Bad things happen to good people, too, you know. Usually, it's to toughen you up for some further-flung future reason you don't (yet) know about.

This thread has expired, but why not create your own?