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Spending all day long regretting

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Relationship advice me and this girl were and still bestfriends since a year and a month now .. we're always talking and hanging out and spending time with each other .. the connection between us is so stroong and we're so alike and have a lot in common .
last summer , i started having feelings for this girl and was afraid to tell her because i wasn't seeing a positive signals , and because of my last experience of rejection with another girl .. even that ,, i was always planning that one day i will tell her about how i feel .. but now another friend of her joined the race and asked her out before i did .. and she said yess ..
for a while i couldn't resist it and i stopped her in our way back from school and told her , girl i like youu soo much and i couldn't hide this anymore , and here came the thing that will always kill me deep inside , she told me she had feelings for me too since last summer and she just stopped to like me one week ago .. exactly when that guy asked her out .. she told she didn't see a single move from me and i had to do that , now i'm regretting every moment spent with her without me telling her how i feel .. she could see how bad i regreted that and she was so supportive and i gave her a hug and then we holded hands .. i was feeling sooo bad she'll be another guy's girlfriend not me ,, jealousy and regret are killing me now and i dont know what to do .. all i'm planning to do is that i will still like her and i will always be friends with her and i will always fight for her .. i won't give up on her easilyy cuz i can see she liked me too .. what do you guys think i should doo ? by the way we have a very strong friendship and the fact i told her how i feel even she's having a boyfriend didn't affect the friendship at all .. please i need to hear some ideas from you ... thank you all ..

Spending all day long regretting

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Ideas later. First a burning question: How come you didn't fancy her the first time you ever met her?

Spending all day long regretting

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i didn't like her the firt time because i wasn't over the girl who rejected me right before i met her
i was so into another girl at december 2013 and i asked her out and i got rejected
then i met this girl in january and when i got over my last crush and exactly in summber 2014 i started having feelings for my best friend .. by the way the new girl and my best friend is way way cooler and prettier .. that's what makes me regretting the whole days i spent with her and i didn't tell her how i felt :(((

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This first girl didn't reject you because she hadn't even got to know the real deep-down you yet. *Your proposition* got rejected. Not MUCH of a wounding, therefore, was it. So tell it like it is: when you met this now best female friend in January you didn't fancy her enough to want to be her boyfriend, just her friend (and her a potential option if all the other women in the world suddenly disappeared, poof!). Then your feelings of platonic fondness grew because she felt SAFE - wasn't going to hurt you, couldn't anyway.

That's not one heart looking for another heart to love. That's a bruised heart [1] looking for a place to hide; and [2] having found it, feeling as if that place is under threat of getting taken permanently away from you (by this new chap); and [3] not liking the insult of another man seemingly being presented as better than you thus you wanting to prove him/the world wrong. So that's a bruised EGO and EGO FEARS trying to justify its intention by passing these elements off as signs of love and lust.

Won't work. Only 'eyes meeting and BAM!' is an indication of true, natural scope for a genuine and lasting romance. True scope does not - fact - take 7 long months to register. Anything markedly less than instant "Bam!" or within 3 dates "Bam!" is nothing but some however-much level of conscience contrivance spanning from an alternative agenda/s.

You even admitted it yourself - via your semantics. Look:

"i was always planning that one day i will tell her about how i feel .. but now another friend of her joined the race and asked her out before i did"

Was always
One day
The race
Before I did

True romantic-sexual love is an entity all its own that drags you along with it and puppeteers you into doing its bidding. It's not something you get to put on the backburner before getting around to declaring when/if you feel like it (IT feels like it and you get no say, ready or not). Neither is it a trophy in a Mr World contest or a mechanism for keeping others away from what you value and fear could lose.

Doesn't sound to me like you stand to lose your bff anyway. So try to alter your attitude: You don't have to wrestle her off of him because you're NOT standing to lose a crucial best female friend and confidante, you're standing to GAIN ANOTHER/SECOND best friend (a bloke who's probably high similar thus compatible with you as much as her) (in fact, for all you know HE could become your bestest friend ever, with her finding herself slightly demoted...it happens).

In other words, you're kidding yourself. Don't do that. It leads to nothing but ruination for everyone concerned.

If this girl REALLY likes you - in that way, I mean - she can prove it by putting a stop to this relationship of her own volition for the simple reason that he looks wrong, feels wrong, smells wrong, sounds wrong, has the wrong height and width, etc., i.e. ISN'T YOU, due to the simple fact that when there's love between a couple, Nothing Compares 2U which makes anything other than you feel automatically "Ew".

She KNOWS you're now allegedly ready, willing and able. And yet she's not acting accordingly, is she. So clearly he DOESN'T feel 'ew' whenever she speaks to, hugs, kisses, whatever this guy. Or not yet.

She's your counterpart, alright, in other words. But not LOVE counterpart. Circumstance. Well, nobody puts BABY (you) in the corner and labels him 'Safe place to hide out in'. Do they?

In a nutshell, it looks as if your invisible/emotional-hospital ward bed-neighbour with whom you became bessie mates has finally finished healing from her own past battle wounds before you have yours, doesn't it. Take her cue and likewise discharge yourself or simply wait until you finish healing naturally at your OWN rate. Thereafter, you'll have a new best male mate, a best female mate, AND a genuine new lover.

That's all you can do anyway because the ball's already firmly in her court.

Spending all day long regretting

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SOLUMATE
thank you so much for your time , i really appreciate all those lines and analysis that surely needs a big effort from you .

i will look for hints and see how things are going with her , and if i see she's happy with her new relationship , i guess i'll do just like what you said . i forgot to mention that her boyfriend is a hundreds kilometers away of her , he only came to meet his female friend 2 weeks ago and falled for her and told her that over phone . in the other side , i meet her every day at school .


now and 3 days after i confessed how i feel ( she asked me if she can talk about him with me i said only if there's something wrong or she needs my help at something ) , nothing changed and i'm not seeing any boyfriend effect at all , yesterday i spent almost all day long with her and she's touchy and kinda flirty with me just like before ( or maybe more ) . and no calls no texts nothing from him .. and lately at nights or i'm chatting with her or we're on the phone , yesterday i called her at midnight and asked if it's okay she said yes , and we talked for almost an hour then she went to sleep . what i want to say here is i think they're not in touch at all !!!!!!

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(Welcome!)

Tsk. Main, major jigsaw piece late in (as per usual)!

When ones lover lives a larger than normal distance from one, it can signify a number of things:

1. You're not ready/are scared to commit so want distance to pose as a major slowing-down and/or keeping it casual element.
2. You find relationships boring (because you don't yet know how to do them properly) thus need one to contain an extra challenge or challenges to make it more interesting.
3. You love travelling but never have the excuse to, normally, and want a relationship but, ditto, so try to combine the two elements.
4. You want to multi-date or cheat without either the far-flung lover or the local lover being capable of finding out.
5. You don't want a real lover, you want a pretend one...a poster boy - either to kid yourself you're capable of functioning fully or/and to kid someone else/s. Sometimes the fact of there BEING any lover is (like you suspect) a total ruse, with or without their secret knowledge and willing, favour-doing compliance.

So now my sub-conclusion has changed to this: she's punishing you for having made her wait, by now making YOU have to wait, as well as trying to gee you up into asking her out before she and (cough!) poster boy grow closer. She's also saying, 'Other blokes want me, so there!'.

But that's still one of you playing silly buggers with something that should be (feel) sacrilegious so...

New Base Conclusion: NEITHER of you are quite ready.

Awwww, cut the crap the pair of you. Just tell her you feel stupid for not having seized so many prior moments (albeit you thought at the time you were being sensible and honourable-gentlemanly by waiting until your wounds weren't at risk of dripping pus all over innocent her) and that you want her to ditch (cough!) her LD boyfriend and be your girlfriend instead, pretty-please. You can then hobble the rest of the path to recovery *together*, can't you.

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thank you again for your time you're awesomee !

but !! she told me when he told and showed her he loves her , she started to like him too and tried to conciderate me as just her friend , well i'm not believing that cuz you can't just start seeing someone as just a friend when you were having a long term crush on them , and just the way we behaved after i confessed about my feelings shows there's still something there , i mean who can hold hands with a friend and hug them when you're actually in a relationship !!!

i really don't think she likes that guy as much as she likes me , sometimes i feel like we're actually made for each other , it's like a sparkle , a magic connection we have with each other !!

i already told her what you asked me to , i told her i really regret it and i'm jealous about this , so the ball is in her court now . i'm just gonna see how things are going and wait till the ball comes back to my court again !!

and yeah of couurse i caan ;)

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Exactly. However...

Were it me in a new, ongoing relationship - or even NOT in a relationship but having witnessed my (cough!) best male friend previously pass up opportunity after opportunity to get it on with me - I don't somehow think watching him snoozing in a chair then waking up and shouting out "Be MY girlfriend!" for one brief second before going straight back to sleep again would have ME thinking, 'Oh, I should get straight on the phone and chuck boyfriend cos friend here is a MUCH better bet!'... Do you? :-p

It's not her job to seduce you just because you've told her you'd like seduction to feature. That's the bloke's job (certainly during the chase and woo phases). Sorry, Feminism, but there you have it: primitive romantic wiring that has yet to be updated.

You spent X months convincing her you weren't interested enough in her in that way. So now you've got to UNDO that impression. And not just counter it but blow it to smithereens.

She failed to return your prior serve aside from having let it rebound off her racquet into her side of the net. She's not going to retrieve and serve it because she can't risk leaving the baseline because her baseline position is the point where another court exists (off at an angle to yours) whereon she's busily mid-rally with Poster Boy. Sure, we SUSPECT there's no second court and server with a game in play, but we don't know for a fact. Plus, she wants you to believe there IS. So you have to take her at her word and take measures accordingly as if you do believe her. That means doing another serve...and another... and another - each one as or more impressive than the last - until such time as she decides it's a rally invitation in motion, not some one-off, fleeting and impulsive act, and that - going by the higher calibre of services - if she accepts then it's likely to be a far more exciting rally than with Poster Boy.

In short: she dragged in this "other man" to gee you up, put a firework under your arse. SO GEE UP. Don't sit there waiting for her to gee YOU up or reward you by getting geed up herself after one piddly isolated shot followed by nothingness.

Capiche?

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capiche my friend !
thank you so much for your timee and i hope you a very successful love life

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Thanks, but no need to hope - I gats it already. :-) I wouldn't tennis coach unless I'd won Wimbledon myself or that would make me all mouth and no tennis shorts (skirt).

Let us know how it goes.

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hello again soulmate
its been a month since last time me and you discussed the problem
and its been a month and a half my crush and her boyfriend are in a relationship , i hope you still remember my problem
we are still as close as we used to be and we're still having fun in each other company but three days ago , we finally talked about these things , she asked me if there's something new she doesnt know about ( she meant a new crush ) and i told her nothing new till the moment , then i asked her about herself and boom , a big new , she told me that she's lost and doesn't know what she's doing , her bf is taking this relationship seeriously while she isn't , and she told me she feels so insecure and is in an entanglement
she even told him that she has a very close male best friend ( which is me ) just to make a problem of it , but his feed back was too cool and he said that its okay and he even wants to meet me , so he played this one very well
she tells me that its true she likes him but she doesn't love him and isn't so into him , she asked me what to do and i told her there's a lot of negative signs and she must discuss it with him , or they fix it or she knows what to do ..
the day after they had an issue and because of a cold conversation , she told me about it and told me she cant stop telling me everything that happens with her ..

how do you think the future of her current relationship will be ? what's the new conclusion you can give ? does she still like me ?

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looks like my topic was not seen because of the activity of other topics lol

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Sorry, Jimmy, not ignoring you. My day job and family & social life is extremely busy at the mo. I'll respond tomorrow if you can be patient with me for just a little longer. Ta.

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no no its okaay , i thought my topic was not seen that's why i added another reply .
sorry if that's counted as spamming and i hope everything is going fine :)

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(No, that's not spamming. Spamming is, for example, where someone/thing posts an advertisement link/email addy, possibly having first pretended to be a concerned poster responding to the thread owner's problem; basically a link as may or may not contain a computer virus when clicked on.)

Why only got to talk about things three days ago?

Also, why would she feel insecure that her boyfriend was taking their relationship seriously as opposed to non-seriously? What, she'd rather muck around like a child in a dressing-up box "but no kissing, ugh!"? Or did she mean he's too heavy too soon?

That sounds suspect to me. I'm back to thinking she fabricated this boyfriend in order to make herself out-of-bounds to you so that she meanwhile could stand back and watch you to find out how serious you were about wanting her - and nobody else ("nothing compares 2U") - as your gf. If, unable to have her you'd gone and however immediately hooked up with another girl, then the reading would have been that you did NOT want her because she was special to you, you just wanted someone-anyone and she was the closest and most convenient.

It sounds suspect because she's contradicted herself wildly: he's too into her and too intense yet reacts like someone who isn't on finding out there's another male sniffing around under the guise of friend? Rubbish, that doesn't add up AT ALL. So clearly she's NOT describing the behaviour of a real person in a real frame of mind but is going purely on her imagination as lacks experience of how people behave under certain situations.

But you missed your chance again. That was the moment you were supposed to say, 'Then stop messing around, ditch him and let's you and me make a go of it!'. So you're pratting around as much as she is, aren't you. Or doing what you're seemingly told too much. It's called, 'The lady doth protesteth too much' (go google).

CEASE giving her advice on how to fix her (cough!) relationship because a bloke who wanted her for himself wouldn't obviously WANT them fixed, in which case he'd claim ignorance or ineptitude or perhaps even give advice that she could tell was so transparently geared towards making things even worse for them. Just be honest and say, 'Please don't ask me for advice because obviously if you and he went splat, despite I'd be sorry if you were upset about it, I'd equally be too overjoyed that you and I could (once you were over it) finally give you and I a go'.

You're not a woman whom as such should keep playing it coy and dropping your handkerchief. You're a man and should just state straight how you feel and what you want. And then you should act accordingly to prove your desire true, which means
[a] if she STILL prevaricates or says no, tell her being her friend is too difficult under the circumstances for the time being and that you need to go away and concentrate on finding someone for yourself (whereupon she and you can resume being just friends), or
[b] tell her that her knowing how you feel about her, it is completely unacceptable and downright unkind for her to keep telling you the ins and outs of her relationship with someone else, or
[c] if she says yes and ditches (cough!) him... nuff said.

Because when she said she wasn't sufficiently into him and what should she do - THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO 'TAKE HER AWAY FROM ALL OF THAT' BY SAYING, 'DITCH HIM AND TRY ME'. Every time you do anything LESS than that - out of a need to protect your ego against feeling rejected and humiliated - she refuses to give you what you want but then CONTINUES dangling herself as a carrot in order to continue provoking you to the point where (she hopes) you'll lose patience, whack her over the head with your club, chuck her over your shoulder and take her back to your cave.

(Her thinking) No Proper Work? NO PROPER PERK.

As the old idiom goes, Feint heart never won fair maiden. (And it's Surf 'n Turf, not Surf 'n Chicken. ;-p)

No more half measures. Show her your muscles. The ones in your *heart and mind*.

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only three days ago because when she got into this relationship i told her : don't talk to me about him and you , only if there's something wrong ( i meant here only when there's a possibility i can replace him hahah )

yeah maybe he did the mistake playing all his cards too soon , she told me that he's taking it seriously and want it to last as long as possible , and she hinted me that he even wants it to last forever ( if you know what i mean . lol )

she's in a distance relationship and she wasn't ready for that at all . all of a sudden he confessed how he feels and she didn't know how she accepted that , she tells me " i'm in a relationship with someone who loves me " that has a deep meaning that she's not into him at all , she even tells me she misses being single and didn't know how she did that to herself , soo she's like forced to be in this relationship .

the day before yesterday , we met in a company of another male friend ( my best male friend ) and he made her talk about her boyfriend , he was kinda harsh and started telling her that he's not feeling good about this and there's nothing in common between her and him , and she started talking about her bf telling that he's the most guy who deeply understands her and stuff . i really didn't know how to react and i'm still feeling upset hearing what she said , so in the last two days i'm kinda " back-off " i just wanted to make some distance between me and her and take time to think about all of this .

when we both talked about this , i only didn't tell her to breakup with him because i was afraid that its too early to say a such thing , and i was afraid that i may look evil and that selfish guy who only wants his good , but next time i'll tell her that because that's really the right thing for her . but , is it appropriate to rush all of it in one moment ? " breakup with him and be mine ! " or starting with the breakup topic and then i ask her out after a couple of weeks when she gets over it ? i hope i'm not planning too early :(

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AGAIN, confessed how prematurely or unexpectedly deep his feelings for her are but yet can't dare to act threatened in the face of an obvious threat as if he somehow would think she'd now even *believe* that playing-it-chilled act? I'll say it again, it doesn't add up. If he felt it safe to show her his whole heart then he'd feel equally comfortable showing his DIS-pleasure when wholly justified.

Maybe she IS in a distant relationship (in BOTH meanings of the term), but I don't think he's done EITHER of those two contradictory things. I still keep hearing this: "So hurry up and do likewise, not hinty-hinty, wishy-washy, timid - that doesn't convince me to take a chance with my heart on you!" But then whenever you DO timid, as comes across not desirous enough, she tries to re-level the playing field by toning her own message down - replacing it with, I miss being single (so THAT'S why I'm saying I want out, not because I want you to want me enough).

You've no evidence to the contrary because all YOU'VE got is this: she said, she said, she SAID.

But she could just be getting off on the ego boost of knowing you're constantly hankering after her... I suppose (although that conclusion just doesn't feel right to me). PARTICULARLY as no-body can be "forced" to stay in a relationship, ESPECIALLY when terminating a long-dstance one is too damned easy (you HAVE to do it only by phone or text). So that's pure drivel. But if pure ego-boosts could be the case, that'd be even more reason for you to bite the bullet so that you can finally - FINALLY - get to know where you stand and cease feeding it.

Also, if she were making him up or making up the intensity for your benefit, she WOULD defend it like that in front of you, think about it. Because it's her precious TOOL. How can it work as a tool if it's a sh*t relationship? Again, think about it.

Yes, good idea to back off and get your thoughts straight. But after that - you don't HAVE to tell her to break up with him, you just have to go one better than "him" in terms of eagerness.

Right, let's try an analogy: You really want a puppy. A friend has a puppy to give away. But only to the right person because friend is very attached to and worried about the puppy and its welfare, plus it's not her choice to give it away (she has to). Do you think friend is going to hand over the puppy if you're there saying stuff merely like, 'Yeh, I'd like a puppy, I'll have it'? No. They'd want you to fall over yourself with both excitement and (somehow) words and demonstrations to convince them that that puppy is going to be in really safe, capable, adoring hands, WITHOUT END. Like this: "Ooh, ooh, I've always dreamed of a puppy JUST LIKE THAT ONE, oh my god, please give him to me, please-please-please, oh, he's so gorgeous, ahhh, look at his adorable little face, that is THE most beautiful puppy I've EVER SEEN!!!!!", etc.

I'm not suggesting you beg like that, but you don't come across to me like someone sure and determined enough, even though you've got free rein to speak as freely and honestly as you like, so how the hell are you coming across to HER? I know better than how you merely sound because I note *actions* more than words, even actions IN your words. But she sounds like a typical woman and women pay too much attention to just WORDS. Take my dealings on here as a prime example: I sound like a bloody broken record, going, 'Actions, actions, stop listening only to the blah-blahs and note the ruddy ACTIONS!'.

My recommendation, regardless of when you try again, is that you make it firm, bright, eager and positive but not heavy as in sad or negative. It needs to be "urrr!" and "pant-pant!" with a smile, not "mew-mew" with a serious or apologetic or pouty face. In other words, determined and excited so that, were there an imaginery speech bubble above your head, it would read, 'You ARE going to be mine, you beautiful thing, you, you are, you are, you ARE...and very glad you will be, too!'. And get rid of this, 'but I'm afraid this and I'm afraid that'. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT RIGHT NOW THAT YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE OR TAKE A RISK OVER???

Making sense?

Anyway, yes, go and have a long thinkipoos.

Spending all day long regretting

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It's been a week, Jimmy - what, if anything, are you clearer over or have concluded?

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i'm sorry for not responding earlier , i've readed you answer right after you wrote it but couldn't answer .
i got enough thinking too much into these things , and a newborn baby joined our family in the right timing , so during all the last week i was busy helping my family and it really helped me to back off and be a bit away of her and to forget about this issue .
things are still the same , sometimes she needs my help at something and when i help her she keeps telling me " you're the best "
and i'm like oh really am i ? lol

i loved the " puppy " analogy , as you said i gotta make her feel she'll be in safe hands , some things i do make me look like insecure and i gotta stop doing them .

the ball is still in her court , i feel like i'm falling for her more and more , i'm just gonna wait and see how things go , but not with the same curiousity because i really got enough thinking too much about this :(

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Oh, wow, CONGRATULATIONS!!! :-) Boy or girl? Are you now a brother, uncle, cousin - what?

So what you're saying is, this new arrival put things into much better perspective and to see the slightly funny side?

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thank youuu , a booy . now i'm an uncle for the 5th time hahah :D but that was the first baby of that sister
yeah it helped me out to stay away for a while , and this week we're back to school and we're close like never before
we're flirting as hell and i don't know what she's planning to do , all i do is when she flirts i flirt back and sometimes , for unjustified reasons i'm the one who starts the flirting , but i can confirm she has something for me .
i'm feeling way better now and i can wait and see where it goes , it was so important for both of us to have that " back-off " break so me and her will know what we mean for each other

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Ah-hah! So your silence inadvertently put the frighteners on her, as in, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and 'don't know what you've got until (you think) it's gone'!

EXCELLENT! And, MY, wasn't that a handy newborn! Tell me, just out of Fate-based interest: was the baby by any chance premature or overdue?

Don't worry about being the flirter to her flirtee. You da man, that's yer job at this Chase point. You serve the balls, she just hits them back to you. That then encourages you to serve again....and repeat. Once you ask (or "ask") her to go steady, THEN she can start serving the odd ball.

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He is an overdue baby and he's so cute
Soulmate , I desperately need your help , I'm so Lost and can't take that anymore , I feel like I'm
Gonna explode at any time . She's still with her distant boyfriend and now we're back to school , there are rarely other friends in our company
So I spend a lot of daytime with her .
the day before yesterday we talked about future , it's probably the last year we're having together in this college , so she may travel and I may do that too
And I'm so afraid we separate, I told her that and she was like " you are my best best friend , and we'll always be in touch " , she said the same thing yesterday
And for me that's like a stab cuz I'm actually falling for her even more . So these days I'm
Feeling so so down and she could see that , she kept on asking me why I'm not in mood and why do i look so sad
I told her that I can't open this topic with her , and i told her that in general it's about the future things we talked about .
I really don't know what's happening for me but I'm so ruined , I don't know if I'm her backup plan , her 2nd option , just her friend , her 2nd crush , her bigger crush cuz she flirts and compliments me a lot , she asks to believe that I'm the best and the dearest person for her after family , and then says im her buddy and best friend .
i really got enough of that , and I will have to see her everyday just as her friend , her are the questions that comes to my mind and I really need your help in :
- should i get over my crush somehow ( I have no idea how to do so ) and never have feelings for this girl ? Or should I wait for her a little more ?
- should i tell her about my current problem and that I'm falling for her even more ? Because she always notices it when I'm sad and I will not be able to hide it for a Long time
- What im doing now is desperately waiting for her to breakup and I got enough of doing that , and if this miracle happened , i want a real serious relationship with her that will last forever , because i love her and she deserves that and is a really amazing woman , Is all of that right ?

I really need some help and I hope it will be clear and honest , I trust you with that , and thanks a lot for everything

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It's quite simple. You want a slice of cake. If you come away with no cake, you can't complain if you didn't make the fact you wanted a slice clear. CRYSTAL clear. Either you dare to come right out and ask for one properly, or you don't. But if you don't, you don't have a complaint leg to stand on.

There's you, hoping your weak statements and requests will do when added to her own secret will to provide the other whatever percent. Either she doesn't operate like that - taking the hint and doing the rest - or she really doesn't want the same relationship with you as you do with her. So you can't know where you stand, won't EVER know where you stand until you ask her.

HOWEVER... I thought things were hotting up. No, I see they haven't been. She's STILL going on about "friends". So I can only assume you've got this fairly common situation going on:

Boy meets girl. Girl wants boy as best bud. Boy has other ideas. Those ideas get communicated just fine. Yet the message the girl receives is this: I don't really want to be your friend unless there's more than that in the offing. Because she doesn't want to forego friendship, she sets about creating this situation where she dangles a 'something more' carrot. She never dangles the carrot too near - in case he gets to take a bite - yet by the same token, never dangles it too far away as could have him giving up on the chance for something more and in the process taking his 'friendship' away for good.

I think she's leading you on, despite that leading on is in itself flattering.

I could be wrong, though. So this leaves you with three choices:

a] You know you don't want to be her friend and never did; you want to be her boyfriend or nothing. So reveal your true, unexpurgated cards, slam them openly atop the table, once and for all. Then, if her doing likewise reveals that she DOESN'T want more than friendship, you can cease wasting your time merely under the cover of wanting to be her friend. If with an unmistakable communication (in terms both of clear AND arduous) she reveals her true feelings to be the same - voila, job done and you're laughing.

b] Decide you just daren't come clean and walk away now. But be aware you could spend quite a long time (until you get a girlfriend) regretting the fact you didn't state your intentions to the absolute hilt.

c] Recognise that you want a girlfriend but for whatever reason daren't or aren't quite ready, meaning, it's easier to hanker for as long as possible after the unobtainable than switch to chasing AND CATCHING the obtainable for how it fools your mind into thinking you're involved in the dating business.

Alternatively, should finally realising she won't ever be your gf be the outcome, take time out (say, 6 months) in order to get over your higher feelings and intentions towards her before then resuming a friendship with her, this time without any frustrating hankering going on from your end.

That's it. Those are your options. Staying in wishy-washy limbo is no longer one of them.... unless you want to drive yourself permanently potty and let your REAL future girlfriend find you in that state when she appears on your path, of course.

If you really can't manage giving her the 'I want more' speech to said hilt, I suggest you write it in a letter. PS, which you actually give to her. ;-)

I know you're under the typical illusion right now of believing her to be the only gal in the world for you (because feelings are good at that), but she's not. For all you know, next month you could be meeting an upgraded version of her, whereupon all past feelings appear downright pathetic. Or not... You might finally be bf and gf. But, DON'T ASK (PROPERLY) - DON'T GET.

It's ego-on-the-line/get out of Limbo time. Which is very good practise for when it comes to bagging The One/Best One of The Ones, because, again, Feint heart never won fair maiden.

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Thanks for the fast reply
I'd prefer the choice [a] , which is Being 100% honest about how I feel and how far I can go with that
But what about her current boyfriend ? I mean isn't that Counted as disrespecting her current relationship ? I may look like managing to ruin what she has with her boyfriend !

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"I'd prefer the choice [a] , which is Being 100% honest about how I feel and how far I can go with that"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRhjWdr-LAA

:-)

PS: Sorry, current WHAT? Oh, you mean that pretend thing with the pretend huge d**k.

Listen - get with the programme. This is Like Attracts Like = chicken meets chicken. SHE DOESN'T *HAVE* A BOYFRIEND!

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Hhahaha that video made me laugh you're cool :D
Well I guess her distance relationship isn't that bad , as I told you Before she talked so nice about him the day my friend asked her about him , and I heard he came again to see her last weeks ( February 14th I guess ) . But the difference is she liked me after getting close to me , and then she liked him for confessing his love to her ... And now I have no idea if she still likes me .. If she's liking him even more , but I won't care about all of that .

I was gonna tell her today even before I read your answer , today I looked more lost and she kept on telling me what was wrong , then I told her that I need somebody's help and especially hers but I can't tell her , she insisted that I can feel free to tell her EVERYTHING and it won't change anything .
I was really about to tell her but i didn't like the conditions so I told her
" Maybe later " , I think will tell her that tomorrow after college , wish me luck :D

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"Hhahaha that video made me laugh you're cool :D"

I cannot WAIT to tell my young teenage son you said that! 'IN YOUR FACE, SON O' MINE :-p !!!'

How old are you, by the way (if you don't mind my asking)? If you say anything less than 20, I'm going to punch the air with jubilation followed by a victory dance! LOL

Anyway, less about my recently dissed parental ego and back to you...

"and I heard he came again to see her last weeks ( February 14th I guess ) ."

Yeah. ***HEARD*** Not, 'saw'. Not, 'told by someone I know who saw'. HEARD. She can SAY whatever she likes. Doesn't make it true.

"I was gonna tell her today even before I read your answer , today I looked more lost and she kept on telling me what was wrong , then I told her that I need somebody's help and especially hers but I can't tell her , she insisted that I can feel free to tell her EVERYTHING and it won't change anything .
I was really about to tell her but i didn't like the conditions so I told her
" Maybe later " , I think will tell her that tomorrow after college , wish me luck :D"

If it seems to fail, bear in mind the 'seems' bit. Sometimes these things take time to sink in beyond the logical level to the emotional. Also, considering you're going to make yourself scarce if you get a No, and ESPECIALLY considering how your having made yourself scarce on the back of bubba's arrival affected her - don't be surprised if she turns you down but then changes her mind after X number of weeks without hide or hair of you. 'Don't know what you've got until it's gone'. It's one of those cliches that's 100% true, no 'sometimes' about it. So see this as a campaign, not a one-off manoeuvre. ... in which case: good luck! good luck! good luck! Oh, and, good luck!

Yours coolly,

Cool Parent. :-)

PS: How much do I owe you? LOL

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We are both almost 20

Ooh god she didn't even expect that I still like her , she thought I'm so over her
We talked for so long about that and she asked me to get over her because she doesn't want to be the reason of my pain
She told me that there's a lot of other girls but I insisted with a joking way that At the moment I'm not seeing any other girl but her
I told about the future thing and that I don't imagine my future life without her ( it was clear I meant as lovers not friends )
Then she told me : " let's say you waited for me for so long and then we didn't get together , you will get depressed and you will hate me , and I don't want that to happen "
So I told her almost all what i was hiding deep inside , but her reaction really killed me , she kept on saying get over me the whole time
And at the moment I really don't want to hear that .
I'm feeling soo bad and I'm so sad , The only thing I like in all of this is that we can talk freely about this and nothing gets awkward between us

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hey soulmate i hope everything is fine
i'm still in the same situation .. it's even getting worse .. i tried my best to get over her but the fact we're always in touch won't let me do it ( even if we're not as close as before ) and whenever i know they met or they called i get so upset and mad ..
i really need your help at this .. i'm almost sure she knows that i still like her and sometimes its just obvious from my behavior .. the behavior i cant controll ..

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Please bear with me Jimmy, not ignoring you, just really up against it today. Might find time this evening but if not - tomorrow. :-)

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Having reviewed this thread... Jimmy, if you're that fixated on her and nothing I've suggested has helped, then I think you need to talk it all through and out with a counsellor to set yourself free. Do you have one at school?

What about your dad, have you tried talking to him about it? I'm sure he'll be able to relate and impart some wisdom (he's probably been through something very similar himself when he was your age).

Saying that, if you're caught in barbed wire and can't go forwards then you have to reverse out...which means cutting contact with her until the attachment you have for her increasingly 'drops off', and THEN resume the friendship. Maybe if you do that it'll give her a chance to realise what she had until it was gone?

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-4