After all, the whole point of incontinence is that you get caught out at any time, not just in the evenings or weekends,...it's INVOLUNTARY... meaning if it were true incontinence he'd been weeing and pooing his pants all through the day as well and would HAVE to wear diapers full-time. And neither would any employer have any leg to stand on were they to disallow the wearing of such or they'd be in serious breach of today's employment laws against discrimination.
So for 14 long years he's been feeding you this what-sounds-like BS about having to wear a nappy at night as obviously puts paid to a normal marital sex-life.
The fact he goes without diapers at work ***PROVES*** he is not incontinent and that he picks and chooses when he wears a diaper.
He is therefore NOT incapable of penile penetration.
Possibly, if this is genuinely a psychological problem, he is CHOOSING to regress to a childhood state of being, back at a time when his parents were still together and he was happy, and beyond to where dealing with it was on the table despite he at the time was too young to do so without help. In which case, this would be a huge, badly hinted cry for help. He needs counselling. And you need a marriage that gives you all the perks when those perks are actually there to be had rather than have just been denied you due to a deep-laying psychological issue that has him using diapers as if they're some type of time-machine.
Either that or - and I'm really sorry to have to suggest this - possibly he has all this time had a mistress (or had mistressES, this latest one) on whom he by now feels he'd be cheating were he to have penetrative sex with you, ergo has cooked up this incontinence excuse (as SOUNDS psychologically plausible to a rescuer type such as yourself) for wearing what is basically a chastity belt as prevents sex of a level sufficient to be considered cheating on his mistress.
God only knows how you've managed to put up with this withholding of your conjugal rights for so long. But I presume you've now reached the end of your tether? Suggest counselling. If (god forbid but tellingly) he refuses, remind him that denial of conjugals is full grounds for uncontested divorce (no-one's talking hostility here - it could be amicable), meaning whether he agrees to therapy or not boils down to whether he prefers wearing diapers and the idea of staying in them to being and remaining married (and/or married to you specifically).
You can sympathise with a person all you like but you are a red-blooded female who has a life to live - ALL aspects - so at the very least you should have the peace of mind in knowing for a fact that this huge, permanent allowance you're being asked to make is for a GOOD AND HONOURABLE reason rather than a mere excuse that makes a prize fool out of you, just so he can keep his mistress sweet.
Alternatively, he may just not like full-blown sex full-stop and secretly never did?
Whatever/whichever... that he, a grown man, would seemingly sacrifice his manly pride in his quest to avoid you ever deciding to divorce him, at least shows how desperate he is not to lose his family set-up. And that gives you massive leverage for finally getting him to [a] deal with this unacceptable but genuine issue or [b] come clean over what it is he's desperately trying to hide from you.
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