He ditched me on Christmas Day
KYLASKY - Dec 26 2014 at 12:28
Okay so I was seeing this guy for a little while, he said he really likes me and asked me to be his girlfriend, and i was thinking about it as I like him too.
But he ditched me on christmas day to go out with mates and get drunk, leaving me on my own.
He promised me he would come round as he knows all of my family are out of town. He knowes he hurt me and he has apologised. But i get the feeling he doesnt care at all. We had a bit of an argument and I told him I didnt wanna see him anymore. I cant stop crying about this as I really did like him. But ive had other flakey relationships before and i dont want to go down this road again.
He doesn't seem like a truly horrible person, but he doesn't seem like a very compassionate one, either. What he did really wasn't very nice, and I'm sorry you had to endure that from him. He should not have done that to you. You did the right thing by letting him know that you are not going to see him anymore. It is understandable why you are crying - he disappointed you.
" I cant stop crying about this as I really did like him. But ive had other flakey relationships before and i dont want to go down this road again."
I agree with DANCER: GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Now start thinking positive: Fate engineered you getting with another immature flakey for three reasons:  so you'd finally face the fact that you're now ready for a REAL man;  to test that out by giving you the opportunity to PROVE you're ready by dumping the dud; and  so that you'd waste a month or so of surplus time whilst one of your true soulmates whom you're destined to get with was still busily in the midst of likewise extricating himself from his own failure of a so-called relationship. You and he are now headed in each other's direction.....*BUMP!*, 'Well, HELL-OOOO beautiful!"/Well, HELL-OOOO, handsome!" :-)
That's how it works.
Don't cry - pop the champagne cork! Or cry faster to get it out of your system sooner.
Thank you for responding
He apologised and he keeps calling me darling and kissing me, and sending me texts he told me he thought i was the one for him and that hed never felt this way about someone before. I really do like him and im so tempted to continue seeing him, and ive kissed him a few times back too. Do I give him another chance? He does seem kinda sorry, he says hell never forget about me again.
Yeah, sure, take him back. And then maybe on your birthday he can snog your best friend right in front of you. But don't worry because I'm sure he'll blow enough flattering hot air all over you the following day or day after that, including denying the irrefutable meaning in his equally irrefutable actions, ...to make everything perfectly okay and acceptable again in your book.
Does that answer your question or can I come round to your house tomorrow to steal all of your family's valuables if I right now promise to say sorry afterwards once I'm done selling them on Ebay?
He WILL do it again. He'll hurt you over and over, if you let him. Don't be gullible. Be strong. Don't talk to him at all.
I prefer my dripping-with-sarcasm version, Dancer, LOL. ;-) But, yep, he WILL. And in his case, 'Letting him' would entail failing to end the so-called relationship and then allowing oneself to be within 10 feet of him. What I *don't* agree with is that he, quote, doesn't seem like a horrible person. I mean, abandoning your lover to a Christmas Day spent in total solitude is one of those acts so downright heinous that even just THINKING about doing it is a shock and preventative, meaning they DON'T.
And how the hell does a bloke FORGET he has a girlfriend and that she's totally alone and sat there waiting for him on Christmas Day?! What a crock! "I've never felt this way about someone before" is as "I've never felt this way about someone before" *DOES*, whereas he did *the exact opposite*.
Kylasky, that he was willing to let an ordinarily suicidal thing (forgot about you) pass his lips as if it were some sort of placatory data out of seemingly not realising he was adding huge insult to already huge injury tells me there was some WORSE fact he was worried about letting slip (hence mind not on what he was saying). So I don't believe he was even WITH any mates, I think he was busy getting jiggy with another woman and that he's a (not very skilled) player.
So don't go all quiet on us. Dump the dud. You vowed you would. You know you should. You know WHY. So do.
We made plans a couple of weeks before christmas, as he knew i had to work, I work in a hotel, where he lives at the moment and it was quiet we were gonna sit and have some snacks and watch xmas tv with another few mates of ours.
I was there he asked me to be his girlfriend i went a bit shy and said id think about it because i wanted to take things slow.
He said he was going to take a shower, next thing i know his mates arrived picked him up and he didnt even say bye. I only saw him 5 minutes.
Another thing that really pissed me off is that mates of ours brought round loads of food and snacks for him to eat and he didnt even care or apologise to them. I called him a few names via text not too horrible just called him heartless basically and he said "we have only been seeing each other for a few weeks I wouldnt even expect this from a girl i was married too". Im so confused! I dont know what to do, when i see him i get butterflies still.
and now he seems distant, he doesnt text me as much as he used to and hasnt made plans with me since. But when were at work he calls me sexy and keeps trying to kiss me. Im so confused if he liked me, surely he would make the effort to see me out of work.
This latest data puts a very different spin on it all. Except for the fact he's a twat.
Okay, you made a mistake by saying you'd think about it when that wasn't even what you meant. You meant, yes but can we take it slow. You should have said so because for a lot of women, 'I'll think about it' is just a polite way of declining, meaning, he took it like that from you (conclusion: bad at reading signals and hints). HOWEVER, you'd think he would have liked you and wanted to convince you to be his girlfriend enough to use the planned get-together as his opportunity to finally persuade you round to a firm Yes. Instead, he gave up too damn easily. First ever hurdle, in fact.
You also implied to us that his action had left you totally on your tod when clearly that's not the case as there were other friends who did come round as arranged.
That, however, is by the by. Even if still just a FRIEND at that point, it is a downright sh*tty thing to do, standing up a group of friends on Xmas Day including one you supposedly want to cultivate a more meaningful relationship with.
Know what he did underneath all the excuses? STUCK IT TO YOU! You dared turn him down so he batted back in the form of failing to turn up. His ego is the type that'd be damned if it's going to let anyone make him look stupid or not quite god-like enough in line with his own opinion.
You need to have a team attitude to be anyone's boyfriend. And you need to BEGIN like that right from the word go. His stance, however, is clearly You Versus Me.
Your second mistake (because of the type he is) was berating him like he was already your boyfriend thus beholden to you. *I* understand that you'd have done that even to just a pure friend who stood other friends up, but he clearly took it as a lover's ticking-off (conclusion: he doesn't have the same moral compass as you and neither do his own friends, meaning he's not used to those protocols). However, his response is very telling because what he's implying is that even if you were married he'd let you down like that! (My response text would have been, 'I had yet to even *agree* to officially become your girlfriend and yet look at how you're treating me already! I wouldn't even expect that treatment from a man I'd already been married to for fifty years!'
He's a twat. Because what you've just witnessed is how shoddily he treats someone the minute they're not behaving in line with what he anticipates and expects. He's a "Nice Guy" when he believes there's something in it for him but the second he believes he was wrong about that, the person concerned isn't even worth demonstrating basic common courtesies towards. Ugh.
He's also a chicken. He's not hell-bent on making you his enough that fears about seeing his advances rejected (and his ego insulted again) fail to even cross his mind. So what he's now doing is making half-arsed advances only in a place in which he feels relatively safe. Buuck-buck-buck-buuck!
My advice to you would be to see this whole incident as a set of ruddy great Red Flags, or tips just showing, and hold out for someone less ego-ridden and more manly and courageous. This guy is the type who's highly thin-skinned only ONE WAY (his) - meaning he can do X and you shouldn't mind or show any disapproval but if you ever did X to HIM then, ohhhhh, it would be the crime of the century! Thus, he's the type who would be getting his petty revenge left, right and centre - even if you ever upset him purely accidentally and without realising. In fact, if you just LOOKED at him the wrong way, probably.
Ugh. Spoiled Baby Limp Lettuce Leaf alert!!
Butterflies schmutterflies. Just because his CHEMISTRY is compatible with yours, his good breeding IS NOT. Oh, BOY, is it not!
You dodged a bullet.