Ran into a girl I'd dated a couple times, at a party held by a mutual friend. The last time I'd contacted her was to ask her out to a movie and she never got back. We'd exchanged occasional "likes" and mild flirtations on Facebook, our only real means of connection.Then I just gave up on her. About 6 months later, early in Dec, I received an invitation from a mutual friend, for a party. I'd seen she was on the invite and hesitated as to weather or not I should go. I finally decided to go and she immediately "Liked" my confirmation on Facebook.
The night of the party, I got there before her and when she showed up, I ignored her. After about 30 mins, she comes up to me to say hello and see how I've been doing. She gives me a *big* hug and is all smiles. After a min or two of trivial banter, she excuses herself and returns to her table.
About an hour later, someone at her table comes over and tells me to come join them. I sat at the table for about 15 mins, made some small talk with the others, the occasional glance and smile, a cheers with our wine glasses. Then I got up and walked away to get some food. Later, while sitting in a chair, she walks past, smiles says hey and strokes my shoulder as she goes by. When it came time to leave, she came up to me again to give me a hug and leaned in for a kiss. I turned my head away and kissed her on the cheek. We made small chitchat about her new condo. She told me how great her new bed was and how she never wants to leave it. She said I was looking *really* good and how nice it was to see me. …And that was that.
I thought about it for a couple weeks and finally decided I should pursue it. I posted an IM on Facebook to say Merry Christmas and that it was nice to see her and I'd like to see her again. She replied a little while later with excitement, "Hey *****! Hope you have a great Christmas...im gonna be working. It was nice seeing you too!! you look great! Maybe we can get together soon." That was Christmas Eve and I was busy with the family. So I responded on Christmas Day, around noon, "Shame to hear you're working on Christmas. Hopefully Santa will reward your good deeds. ...Yes, let's get together. What's your schedule like?" It's been over 36 hours and nothing. She hadn't been on FB all day, and then logged in about 7 hours ago, posted something on her board about a cat and logged out. No response… Nothing.
So wtf? What are your thoughts? Did I say something wrong? Iv'e actually been out of dating for quite a long time and this whole FB aspect of it is new to me. Not fully up to speed on the norms. Is this considered normal now? I came from a background where it was expected to reply to someone in a timely manner. To not was a sign you didn't care as well as showing disrespect. But times have clearly changed. What the hell is going on here. Do I ignore it and ask her again in another day or so? Do I ignore it and write her off? Do I call her on it in a respectful way and be honest with her or do I just tell her off?
Your input is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
When you're REALLY into someone - enough to make a relationship out of it, not to mention one that'll last beyond 'five minutes' - you don't give up on them.
Same applies if you're READY for a proper relationship. But ample desire outweighs any unreadiness anyway so - same thing.
What is uppermost on YOUR agenda, however, is avoiding looking keen thus vulnerable enough to be hurtable.
Conclusion: you're not ready to 'go there'.
Right Person, Right Place, WRONG TIME.
You sensed that, and so you accidentally-on-purpose did everything in your power to miss opportunity after opportunity until it became too late - i.e. some other guy meanwhile got in there.
Good job too. She's not the one (so why waste your time). When the one (or one of the ones) crosses your path, you won't dally or shilly-shally. Potential loss of pride and a bruised ego will seem a TINY price to pay for the chance of making her your girl.
From what you described she was really coming on to you at that party. But you "turned the other cheek" then waited for a couple of weeks before you decided to contact her? (not exactly in a "timely manner."
Now, she's the one making you wait . . .
You two are getting off on the wrong foot.
Either work this to make it happen or move on, hopefully wiser in how to bring a gal to you.
Thanks for the input…
While she's definitely not "the" one. [At least I wouldn't know if she is, because we never got a chance to get close enough to find out.] ..There is an attraction. We made out a few times and to be perfectly honest, the first couple times I felt nothing. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me until the third time I kissed her; which was also the last time I saw her before the event a few weeks back. That was about 6 months ago.
And I had made the effort a number of times during the course of our dating, but the only thing she seems to respond to is me ignoring her. Though that's not why I did it. I was ignoring her because the last time I asked her out [which was a couple days after last kissing her], she just ignored me. Nothing! No response what so ever. Not even a, "no" or an, "I'm busy" or an, "I don't want to see you anymore." In the following months she posted a few "likes" on my Facebook page and made a comment when I posted that I'd injured myself, but anytime I'd reply to her, nothing. So I had written her off until her display a couple weeks back.
And for the record, the reason I waited two weeks after the event to contact her, was because I honestly wasn't sure if I should. Not after what happened the last time. But I managed to talk my self in to it because I felt like we had some unfinished business that never really had a chance to get off the ground and I figured if I didn't try, I 'd never know. Besides, I had nothing to loose.
Although she seems well adjusted and nice in person, I'm beginning to suspect she may be one of those people who only responds to being rejected. And once she get's what she wants, she looses interest. Because before we first started dating, I wanted to be up front about the fact that I was in no position to get involved and that I didn't think it would be fair to her. It wasn't a line either, we hadn't even kissed at that point and I had intended to let it go. But she said she was OK with all that, and even reiterated that other girls may say it but she really meant it. She'd just gotten out of a long term relationship a few months before we met, so I believed her. I had little other reason to doubt her. If she changed her mind, she could have at least said so.
I also think her actions at the event may have been partly motivated by guilt, because she had commented to our mutual friend a few months back, that I must hate her.
BTW It's going on three days with no response to my last text, but more posts from her on her FB page. So she's pulling the same crap again. What is up with that? At this point, I'm starting to lean toward writing her off agin. But at the risk of sounding desperate [which I'm not, because I am OK with not seeing anyone] she is the only person I've met who knows my situation and is OK with it. So that earns her a few brownie points.
You DO know when the person has scope to be The One and you tend to know it within the first three dates if not the moment your eyes meet. And you don't have to 'get close', just sitting opposite is ample. It's called Chemistry and it's the first indicator we get. Dates 1 and 2, nerves can block your receptors but they usually unblock by Date 3 whereby, you don't feel a BIT attracted, you feel this: excited, euphoric, wobbly-kneed, like you've landed in some never-before-experienced existential dimension, over-self-conscious or the distinct opposite - too fixated on her face and eyes especially (thinking they're the most BEAUTIFUL AND ENIGMATIC person you've ever seen), wanting to be on your best, most impressive behaviour, grinning and giggling like an idiot who slept the night before with a coathanger in his mouth, and wishing you could kiss their face off right there and then! But if on Date 3 it's not just libido crying for a feed and nappy change, then a kiss strengthens the connection and signal thus fuels you into then on acting like a man possessed. Because at that point of the proceedings under that influence, fear doesn't get a look in, your mind is to infused with determination and feel-good chemicals. Including, if you get a first refusal to an invitation, trying again. BY PHONE. Not circling around her nervously from a distance acting like an FB friend. You *become* effort (on legs).
You didn't. You basically sat and did next to nothing. *Actions!* They speak louder than words and conscious thoughts. Yours say, 'I quite fancy a sh*g'.
Maybe you've never been struck by Cupid's arrow before? Well, when you are, you'll know the humongous difference.
As for her? If she refuses you when you approach whereby that propels you back to within X Feet's distance yet she pulls you back to X Feet's distance if you go beyond it then - look at the actions: she wants you READY BUT WAITING IN THE WINGS.
She's either interested in someone else but reckons you'd make a good enough back-up guy OR she isn't ready for a romance with *anyone* (despite wanting to create the appearance via her FB friends list and activity record).
Put it this way: if you'd gone bam!, bam!, bam! in quick succession with the phone contact and invitations to date campaign like a man possessed does, it would have taken you only one or two weeks max. to realise where you stood/where she stood. And where you stand is here:
"Yes, let's get together. What's your schedule like?" It's been over 36 hours and nothing. She hadn't been on FB all day, and then logged in about 7 hours ago, posted something on her board about a cat and logged out. No response… Nothing."
Nothing. Nowhere. Golden opportunity - quite possibly the last ever - totally ignored. She must just like being surrounded by blokes who adore or lust after her.
And FYI, (Look-At-My)Facebook is for casual chats with casual friends. It's not a cruising or wooing ground. You still have pubs, clubs, and friends' house parties for that. And dating websites (for those who like to cruise in their greying knickers and fluffy bunny slippers and/or pretend they're Brad Pitt's cousin). If you're ready to start dating again, do like a man who's ready to start dating again will do. Cruise in the proper places and make only an obviously actual applicant your interview candidate. They tend not to want to GET UP again when sat next to you at a party. "Friends can wait; this is too important!".