Looking for separation from my over obsessed wife
I have joined in this network with some problem. I am trying to brief it here.
I need a help from you guys. I am 29 yr man. I am married with a women 2 yrs back. We know each other for last 11 yrs. I proposed her after 3 month meeting through a common friend.Then within a couple of yr found she is incompatible and tried to get out of the relation several times. Every trial of mine was in vain,she was over shocked , behave unnaturally what i could not handle.So i had to get back to her again and again.Every time i tried to make her understand that i am unhappy with her she over reacted even treated me for suicide.The truth is i do not love her and want to get out from this without hurting anyone. She is a nice women otherwise. We both have parents who are aging. I am from an Indian community and this marriage is also involved with our parents and extended relatives who believe that i handle her wrong way.So I want a solution so that she herself approach me for separation. Any suggestion?
I tried 8-10 times in last 11 yr. Every time i had to surrender thinking about her nature.Once forceful I tried for separation 3 yrs back which made her sick. Her parents insisted me and I compelled to marry her. Truth is i have fall in love with another women .. who is my dream lady. I am seriously tired being with her and this free charity , i want to stop this unwanted extended version of fatherhood of my wife. And i am seriously depressed.
Plz help how to handle this.
Intriguing dilemma you have here.
Here's what I see and I am going to be frank. This is for your benefit take it or leave it.
First, this is actually a "you" problem. The reason I say this is because she's not the one with the issue. Her issue is that you want out. She needs to deal with that in order to be able to move on from the heartache. Your issue is that you don't want to hurt her. This is understandable but facts of life say breaking up hurts no matter if its a girlfriend or wife. Despite what anyone may say, parents and extended relatives may be by your side explaining how to fix it or voting on how to proceed but guess what... you two are the ones are going to live with consequences and all that they bring. Everyone is gonna have to get over it unless you want your life controlled by the opinions of others. Good luck sailing that river, you please no one.
Second, you stated you are, "seriously tired being with her and this free charity." No, this is NOT free charity that you are giving her. You are in effect torturing her emotionally. You have already proven to her as you very well stated 8-10 times by trying to get out of the relationship that you absolutely do not love her as she loves you. You have forced her to basically live in denial now. I do not envy your's or her's position because no one deserves what you are doing to her, admittedly unwittingly.
Third, I do sincerely salute you in the fact that you can admit that you do not love this woman. Many people cannot say that, cannot admit that in fear of injuring the other person despite the fact their own actions are already screaming that to the other individual. Breaking up is going hurt, this is a simple fact of life. Trying to deny it is going to do no good for anyone. The only thing that I see to be sadly unfortunate is, why on earth did you not see that you didn't love this woman in the 11 yrs you knew her? I would strongly advise to discover what you missed so you don't repeat that error.
Fourth, you said you "tried to get out of the relation several times." Hmm, ok bro... How do you try to get out of a relationship? That sounds a little odd. Unless she's holding you at gun point, threatening to kill herself (which there are ways to solve that problem SAFELY) or blackmailing you. It seems to me the steps would be, removing the ring, moving out, work on getting a divorce, and start picking up speed on your own life to prove the sincerity of your position. Agreed... it is quite easy to say than do. But this is one of those things where you don't "try" you "do" if you really care about that person simply on a human level.
Fifth, you said your seriously depressed... that's a damnably selfish statement considering what you have already put her through. You may want to review just exactly who is suffering the most out of all this. You already have an emotional disconnect from this woman and already have an attraction to another. You ain't hurtn one bit compared to her.
Sixth and last observation I will make. You said you now want her to approach you for separation. I sincerely hope by now you know what I am going to say. This is a "you" problem. In her mind since you have come back 10 TIMES (about) you've basically told her without words that there is still hope for the relationship which she is now surviving on. There is no hope, you've made it abundantly clear to those of us who can see this from a third person viewpoint. Unfortunately for her she absolutely cannot now because she is running on hopes and emotions. Emotions unbalanced by logical thinking create a very poor thinking mind.
Now I am going to say this last frank thing. This is a you problem and you need to stand up to the plate and correct it, for her sake not for yours.
THE VERY LAST THING I WILL SAY. The pain we may feel in the moment will not last forever. We are temporal beings, time effects us and all wounds do heal eventually so long as we allow them too. You have to trust and believe that she is strong enough to stand on her own. Otherwise it is belittling and wrong of you to think that she can't stand on her own or recover. She can but on her own time frame and the road will be rough and she will learn a lot about who she is. If you have read to this point then I must sincerely tip my hat in respects to you cause it is evident that you really do want to help this woman instead of hurt her. So man to man I sincerely wish you the best of luck and hope your able to do what you need to do.