I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of one year. He had lots of sexual experience in the past. We both are in our late twenties.
He the first guy I sleep with so I do get shy, and little tense during sex. First time was painful for me, but now it getting better. I'm still shy with him in bed, I don't know why.
He knows I was a virgin. So all he did is just the tradditional sex, with him always on the top. I'm sexually inexperience, so he is the one with full control in bed.
During sex he look/stare at my face, touches my face, kisses my lips and neck alot. And when he see my face show pain, he go slower and more gentle.
Maybe he stares at my facial expression is not becasue of love, but because he knows I was a virgin so he didn't want to hurt me? Maybe out of pity/sympathy?
Him looking make me sooo embarrassed, as he is seeing facial expression when he getting it on. Lights is dim, but I guess I am still shy, so I'm trying to hide my facial emotions.
How to know when it more than just physical sex to him? Or is he having sex with me just for the shake of getting it off?
Sorry, he the only guy I sleep with. So I don't know if other guys are like him whom like to look/stare at their girl while getting it on?
I ask this because my BF, he had quite lots of one night stand in the past; where he told me that it was just 'PURELY physical' to him, And he did say he leave right away after sex, he doesn't linger around to talk to them.
He doesn't keep in touch with those girls, and he doesn't even text those girl afterward. It was just Sex. i thought that was cold of him, he give me the impression of cold and cruel.
So I don't know if he serious with me, or I'm just another girl in his 'purely physical sex' list. My mind right now is like wondering about his actions in bed.
I really don't want to be just a body for him to get it off when ever he have the needs. Hope I make sense
I'm not a man, but I'll give you my perspective, anyway. The main impression I'm getting from your letter is that you don't seem to be enjoying sex. You also don't seem to feel very sure/secure about whether he loves you. You don't have to continue having sex if you don't want to. In fact, I recommend that you stop having sex with him and see if he will still see you without sex - that might answer your question.
p.s. If something is happening during sex that makes you uncomfortable, it is okay to ask the person you're with to not do it. For example, it is okay to ask them not to stare at your face during sex.