Got blacked out drunk with a girl who likes me. Did I ruin everything?
So, here's my story. I just started a new job after being unemployed for a while. I've been taking care of myself and I've been on a real positive streak.
It's been hard because I moved to a new town when my last girlfriend of multiple years passed away in a horribly tragic accident. I haven't really dated anyone since and I would go out to the bars and get really shitfaced and black out. Well I stopped going out, started exercising and volunteering at the local community theatre, and started a new job right after christmas.
Well, the girl I was training with was this awesome and cute girl and we kind of hit it off. I mean all the signals were there, and I was stoked. I mean you could really tell she liked me. Well the second night we went out after work with some coworkers and had a couple of drinks and everything was fine. Then we went over to her place with some of her friends and continue to drink and go swimming. Well at some point I completely blacked out. I woke up the next morning at my house with a wicked hangover and my apartment semi-destroyed with a hole punched in the wall. She showed up shortly thereafter with the stuff I left in her car.
Apparently I started talking shit to one of her guy friends that I know and am actually cool with. Well that next morning the vibe was off, like I just completely f**ked up everything. So we both worked that night as well and everything was kosher she was still nice to me, but it was like all those signals were gone. Now I'm just wondering if I completely ruined everything or if I can somehow rebound from this. I'm so mad at myself I can't even sleep or eat. I'm just terribly depressed. That's not the person that I truly am.
I just left work that night without saying goodbye and I dont even know when I work with her again. I guess ill just be lonely and miserable forever. Happy new years to me.
Alcohol doesn't lie and I'm sorry but when you're shitfaced as you call it, that's the real you speaking. People around you who you have just met you or people who don't know you will have a heads up of who you really are after they see you drinking to the extent of being blacked out. Your actions do the talking.
Going by your post, this girl is a bit wary of you now because she knows you're capable of destroying yourself and also, she would wonder why you do it and whether you are addicted or just going through a phase.
You mention a positive streak..you need to find it again and you need to control what and how you drink and not let it control you. You either get over your past which is your excuse for drinking to excess or you continue to let it haunt you. People will judge you by your actions whichever way you choose to go and the choice is yours and yours alone.
You have turned it around once and recognised your issues..just find the resolve to do it again and then remain true to yourself.