Losing my wife
This has been going on for about a year now. This past Oct we divorced. During this year pasted we have seen each other and still had alot of "alone time". She is living with your mother and I live with my 14 yr old daughter. What broke the camels back to speak of, I hold my wife a lie. It had to do with a jealous husband who thought I was having an affair with his wife which wasnt true. I covered it up from my wife for over an year. My wife found out the truth of the lie and she confronted me about it and I came clean about it all. My wife is very mad at me over this and really shows alot of anger towards me. Its to the point where she wants nothing to do with me any longer. Before this last time where she got really mad at me she asked me to go on a trip with her. But then she blew up again and told me that if I didnt leave her alone that she would take measures to make sure I did. Ive seen christmas pics of her and I can see she isnt happy. The smiles are fake and I know she still loves me and misses. She is one that will hide her emotions and never lets no one see her cry. I never once stepped out of our marriage, never. She has so much anger towards me. I mean at times she will be on the phone with me and start yelling to the point of not being able to understand her. Thats when she will tell me she is done and leave her alone. We arent 2 young kids here either, I am 51 and she is 47. So it isnt a young couples drama. I want to say that we did everything together and very much enjoyed our time and company together. I also want to let it be known, that I love her very much. Since about a month ago now, my world has been nothing but a turned up side down mess. I miss her very much and its to the point of losing sleep, being sick all the time and losing weight. She is on my mind 24/7. I havent talked or texted her since this past friday because she told me to leave her alone or she would take measures to make sure I did. I love her with everything that I am. And I know in my heart that she loves me and misses me. How do I win her back? What can I do to tame her anger towards me and find a starting point to where her and I can get back together and try to rebuild our marriage? Im so lost without her. And Ive told her so many times I love her, I miss her and that Im so lost without her. Please if anyone is out there that could give me some tips or suggest something, anything to me to try. Please I just need help and I need my love back with me. Oh and the 14 yr old I live with is from a previous marriage. Please, anyone out there, I need help to get my love back, my best friend, my wife. Please
I thought you were DIVORCED from this woman?
Why do you continue to try to woo her back into your life?
Her anger is really extreme. Are you holding something back that would explain the divorce and why she will not even see you?
Leave her alone. See if she misses you and makes an effort to contact you. If she doesn't then you have your answer.
We did get divorced. This past Oct. Back during the summer we both decided to split up. We both paid the lawyer and the papers were drawn up. We both signed them but then we both started asking for it to be put off. That we both wanted our marriage to work. But then this lie I told came up and just sent her off the deep end. And she doesnt only bring that up at me, but will bring other things up that never was a big issue and now it is. Such as her not liking my mother, or not being able to drive up to her mothers house to see her when she was sick. We both are in law enforcement so at the time she was sick for a weekend, I was working almost 16 hrs a day. But I always called and checked on her. The not wanting to see me or talk to me has just happened..again. This happened again just before we divorced. But as soon as the divorce took place, we talked and started seeing each other again. Talking on the phone and having relations again. But here right after Christmas, she blew up again at me. It seems that everytime I leave her alone we end up making contact again, but then she will get mad at me again for no reason, out of the blue and go off again, just as she has done this time. Why do I want to try and woo her back you ask? Its very simple, this is my best friend, I love her to no ends. And the weird thing is, I know without a doubt she loves me. I know she is missing me. And of course I feel or fear that if I dont keep on with contacting her, she will think I have given up and she will give up as well. And her ego and pride keep her from calling or contacting me. We both have a very big ego and pride which comes from both of us being in law enforcement. Which now at this point, I have no ego or pride left inside of me. I have shut totally down and because she worries about what everyone else thinks, she carries on like nothing is wrong. But when your with someone for a while, you can read them even if it is in just a picture. So thats why I am trying to woo her. I love her with everything that I am. I need her. Im just running put of things to try and bring her back. As I said, I cant sleep, eat or anything else. Losing alot of weight....I can see she is losing weight as well, so this is bothering her to no end, just as it is with me. I just need to know what I can do to calm her anger with me, forgive me and give us a starting point to rebuild. Thank you for your time and any advise
Peacemaker, we all make mistakes. Everyone of us. We are human. I have been in this situation before where i hurt someone i desperately cared about, and they in there anger wouldnt hear me out or accept my apology. Sometimes it cannot be helped. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN GIVE UP. It has been years since i broke up with the person i loved. I have YET to make atonement. I will wait for as long as it takes for even the chance to make it up to them. No matter the time or distance if you love someone you love them. Now that does not mean harrass or otherwise cause harm or stress. If she wants to come back into your life she will on her own time. I would maybe write her a letter or communicate in some way. Maybe she wouldnt like a phone call. But a heartfelt letter expressing your concerns. Express to her how much you love and miss her, how big a void your now have in your life. And you leave her to decide. A woman likes to know shes appreciated and respected. IF you break our trust no matter how small you must make up for it. Whether in a small or big way. But we also possess free will, and sometimes things are what they are. So that DOES NOT MEAN give up your life. DO NOT sit there and mope and stop living life. Hang with friends or pick a hobby. DO SOMETHING. If you let this run you down then that shows her that you arent strong enough to do anything, especially strong enough to make it up to her. Me as a woman i like actions not words. Now this also doesnt mean to rub it in her face your having a blast without her, but just show her that your trying to make life work to welcome her back with. Show her there is something to come back too. I wish you the best of luck and i hope i helped.
Rather than putting your focus on contacting her, put your focus on the triggers she is annoyed with.(You might not think it a big deal but please understand it is a big deal for her). Try to change those triggers. If you don't work on them and you both do meet up, it will reach the same break point. If need be, ask her for guidance on what her triggers are and show her you are working on them. If you are not able to do it yourself, suggest going to counseling with her. Tell her you want to change yourself for her and ask her to please help you do it.
Guys thank you both for responding to my post. I check my email every few minutes just to see if anyone will post for me. I do love this woman with all my heart. And LADYINFAMOUS you are hitting everything right on. I have shut down. Nothing else in my life seems important. Im not sleeping, Im not eating, Im losing weight and Im just lost without her. I havent heard or spoken to her since 2 days after Christmas. I want to call her, text her or email her but Im scared to. I find myself in tears all day. I have a "tear towel" sitting right beside me to wipe the tears away. How sad is that?? Nothing seems right to me. And here I sit right now, having to wipe my tears away as I type this. I cant give up. But I dont know what to do!! Im lost without her and I cant get her to hear me. I cant get her to respond to me and my emotions. I have friends that tells me they see things that she does and it doesnt seem like she has slowed down in the very least and she doesnt miss me. I just dont know what to do to get her back. Do you think that I cross her thoughts at all? Is it true out of site out of mind? Just please someone guild me to what I need to do. Please