I have been married for almost three years. We have kids together. Before I meet and married my husband i had meet this guy whom i had known for about three or so years we dated and it got complicated and we broke up. We still keep in touch with each other. Well again prior to meeting my husband me and my ex meet up had sex i ended up getting pregnant but later had a mmiscarriaged. i later meet my husband and we married. My ex came into town one day and we had a moment we kissed and he later asked me to leave my husband and come with him. At that time we were having problems in my marriage. I was honest with my husband and was asked not to talk or see him again. I have tried for the sake of my marriage not to see or talk to him but I can't help the to think about him and its hard to stay away from him. I love my husband but I don't know why I can't stop seeing him. What do I do.
Ok… I’m gonna make this really really really simple…..
STOP SEEING THE OTHER GUY
Get him the hell out of your life. That’s what you do. Why you ask? Because when you marry someone life doesn’t revolve around you anymore. You do not have that luxury. When you have kids, you have sealed your fate so to say, unless the marriage has gotten so bad to the point of abusive be it emotionally, mentally or physically. Why on earth would you shatter your kids lives throwing them into a life of internal chaos for your own selfish desires?
(Now, this is not meant to judge. This is simply my opinion. My hope is that it’s a cold splash of water.)
The good side however, Is you were honest with your husband. Blew-my-mind. I thought that was freakin sweet. That was awesome. If you want to know how to overcome this desire for this other guy. Remind yourself about what you love about your husband, what you love about your family. What you love about having a family. Realize that if you run away with this guy that action will weigh on your mind forevermore unless you are able to literally train yourself to become heartless. On top of that you will never be the same, your family will never be the same and whatever future hopes of a full and healthy family will be flung so far out the nearest window you may never be able to have a family of dreams. If that’s important to you. I am not exaggerating that’s just a fact.
Stick to that honesty you showed, the strength of a family can be found within its communication. I couldn’t possibly stress more, communication. If people realized just how seriously important communication was for every single relationship be it family, lover, friend or co-worker I suspect that would be the end of all wars… Its apparent to me that you have the strength to overcome wanting this other guy. Use your family as your strength and you will only benefit from that.
I agree with KEEKAY
That is tough, I think you should remember you are not a bad person. So keep your intent honest and not just about you. You have to first acknowledge that even though you love your husband for whatever reason to some extent you don't love your husband and you need to figure out why. Don't think about the other guy he will get his turn. So this is not a comparison, meaning don't answer that question with the thought of what the ex has or does. You need to think about the reason your with him and why you would consider leaving him in general even if the ex wasn't available, basically why are you considering leaving your husband?
Now for the ex since I don't have much to go on, I would start with figuring out what this feeling is, love, lust, excitement, fun, real? Then since you have hindsight remember why you broke up. What has changed in his life, does he understand what his words mean like come be with me, you have kids, who will more than likely want to continue to see their dad regardless of where he lives. Is he ready for that, do you know?
Then think are you ready for change? If this guy change his mind or is not being honest can you live with starting over by yourself or having to go back and ask your husband for forgiveness? Are you really unhappy or are you bored? Did you do everything you could despite your husband's response did you continue to approach your marriage with a good intent, a selfless intent? All we have to do in life is be responsible for our actions and words and how they affect others. The seeds we sow are not just sown unto others but unto ourselves as well.
It goes with out saying but think about your children, is the example your setting based on the right thing to do or based on "it's what I have to do"? Nevertheless if your a praying soul and you trust God then it will be alright so don't waste time worrying you have a decision to make. To continue to live a life, either with your ex or your husband is not how you want to start your new year.
Smile God's watching,
Comme ci, comme ca. You're already in a substandard marriage. No woman in a good enough marriage has roving eyes, full stop, no matter whether the direction they rove in exists in the present or back towards a past vista.
So this spilt milk means your choice as far as what's good for your Mini-Mes is concerned is between teaching them ("monkey see, monkey do") that a sub-standard marriage should [a] be passively accepted and tolerated, with the notion of a better quality of life left ever un-pursued; [b] worked on by its two team members or with the aid of a wise outsider (counsellor) to see if it can be elevated to where it's no longer sub-standard; [c] ignored completely whilst one starts up a second relationship on the side, needlessly devastating everyone concerned, especially the kids, the minute the secret inevitably comes out.
What is not sensible to do is to think you can mix TWO sub-standard relationships as if that in effect makes one satisfactory one. It does not. And sub-standard is definitely what this side relationship has proven itself to be.
Fix and keep or else bin and later upgrade in the most honest, dignified and child-damage-limitation way. But don't cheat. It makes you a cheap creep. And at the end of the day - you're the only one who has no choice but to live with yourself til death do you, I suspect, NOT EVEN THEN part from yourself.
You're all you've ever got. Make it a good'un.