Now… jokes aside you gotta look at this from our vantage point. Read this as if you were reading from a strangers eyes. What do you think we see? (NO THIS IS NOT TO MAKE FUN OF YOU) He’s in sports, going to college, working, now do you know the kind of commitment it takes to be a Marine? Don’t get me wrong they have civilian jobs IF they’re lucky to get one sadly, because most jobs know that they could ship out without a moments notice and would have to maintain that spot open for them by law if I’m correct. Which is expensive for the company. You said he’s in sports, ok swell soo he’s going to college and he’s working. To me it would seem logical to Join the marines 1st prior to going into college so you can get military benefits. Also, why would I be training in sports, if I could be training on how to serve my country? Why would i be giving my all if I was going to become a Marine, one of the few and proud? Marines don’t get as many of the benefits a guardsman or US army man gets. (please note im not belittling any service I love em all.) But Marines are the ones who get to say it was they who stormed the beaches of Normandy way back when and it's they who storm the beaches of those whom have caught the eye of America's guns. Nowadays they have to be more than just soldiers, they're negotiators, they're peace keepers despite the fact they're trained to be solders first. I haven’t ran into one Marine that doesn’t take his flag with the utmost seriousness. I only had one thing that held me out at 17 otherwise I did everything to make the Marines my career. I made sacrifices, I did all the exercises, I graduated early with honors and a top student in my school which was miraculous considering the situation only to be rejected… Ya that sucked.
Now this is just me but there’s something alil off with your situation. I’m not saying that your lying but some things aren’t adding up with his. You don’t become this successful college student who’s working and whos playn sports while having a very repressive mother. Cause everything else says to the contrary. Especially in sports, because your always gonna be noticed on the field and an overbearing protective mother against allowing her son to be around or talk to girls is doing the exact opposite of what she would do. Along with that a mother who tells her son he’s stupid and what not and kicks him out wouldn’t really give a second thought as to what he did with girls she obviously wouldn’t care about him so why would she care about who he is into and who he’s around.
I guess tell me what you think about that? Also have you seen him in person to get an honest feel for who he is?
Then I wondered whether the over-dominant mother was his great excuse to cover up for flakiness and a playing of the field on his part (texting LOADS of girls). But then you actually interacted with her, didn't you. So the next question was: is she less 'over-dominant' than justified - through him being an at-home Take-Take-Taker who contributes nothing towards the running of the household and instead spending all his time AT HOME, lazing around and socialising on his gadgets?
The fact that the minute his mum blocks one avenue he immediately seeks out another, however, shows us he *is* determined - not only to get to speak to you but to resist her control attempts. But then there's the bit where she didn't remember who you were? How on earth is that possible unless he IS texting a multitude of girls simultaneously?! Unless she's actually a goldfish then I'd say that fits 100%.
To me, the fact that she softened after having 'talked' at length to you leads me to believe that she got the impression that perhaps he HAD found one girl (you) that he liked enough to mean that from then on, with you becoming his sole, exclusive correspondent', the amount of time he spent texting would from then on decrease... but that she got proven wrong on that score, hence coming down even heavier on him.
You've only got HIS side of the whys and wherefores. Yet the actions, the events, point to my theory, meaning - sorry to burst your bubble, but you're clearly not the only girl he electronically interacts with, meaning his free time out of college is spent 100% selfishly and only when taken out of that context would his mum seems unreasonably OTT. So IMO, she's sick and tired of his laziness beyond doing those things he *can't* get out of doing. And he does feel guilty behind his rebellion campaign, doesn't LIKE that itch, and so tries to make her out as the wicked witch who calls him worthless for no good reason when *actually* if *he* were his mother he'd have kicked himself out *permanently*, and way earlier.
Last if he's shipping to boot then that means he's already informed his college that he's basically going to put his college on hold. He will have passed the ASVAB with the acceptance of what marines require I don't recall how old he is but if he is 17 hell be entering deps and on only with both parents signature. Sooooo I would really wait till he actually ships out and remember basic lasts 13 weeks that does not include the specialization training.
Sorry, that doesn't add up to a "relationship."
There are too many unknowns here about him. I hope you take it easy and very, very slowly in making any kind of commitment to him.
Why doesn't he just go away to college, if he MUST get away from his mother? His joining the Marines is a bit extreme, and I understand they are tightening up regulations, so it's unlikely he's going in fresh from high school.
Looks like all three of us advisers are in agreement. There could be some truth in his slurs against his mum but equally there could also be anything from gross and biased exaggeration to downright porkie-pies, and him telling you about how well he manages to thwart and vex his mum every time supposed to impress you. In fact, it's him revealing his immaturity that he'd even WANT to tell you about their battle of wills in such lengthy detail. I mean - for what possible reason would a son deliberately take snapshots of is mum using an iPad? It could have been the first and last time she ever tried one for all anyone knows (especially since, if she was a flight attendant, trust me, they are constantly too busy for such things)! So to even TAKE such a picture, whether for her benefit or yours, smacks of him stockpiling ammunition that's either real or completely contrived/falsified. Whichever way - how very, very petty.
However, I *could* see a mum who cares, chucking her son out for a night (knowing he'd stay or even having warned him to arrange to stay with a nearby friend). It's called at the end of her tether and putting her foot down, finally.
If I were you, I'd leave them to it...get out of their line of fire during this, his immature, delayed rebellion using her like a 'practise sibling' AND/or her mid-life crisis/lack of joie de vivre using him as her focus for bitching and moaning aka distracting herself from her real woes. (Clearly dad's a limp lettuce leaf or how come you've never witnessed *him* taking son to task!)
But meanwhile, since you've only his word that he even suffers this repression through no fault of his own [insert halo], and since it's HIS problem to deal with, not yours, I WOULD text an 'hello, where are you?', just for your own peace of mind. Put it this way: if - like a septic face zit - those two are caught in an impasse which is neither [a] settling and resolving naturally or through their own more sensible, mature efforts nor [b] being allowed to come to a head, then your text might help it finally go POP!, whereupon it *has* to be treated towards forming a scab and healing. So I wouldn't worry about "causing" trouble because failure on your part to be and act perfectly normally would render you an enabler. In other words, never pussyfoot and walk on eggshells around the issue-riddens. Act normally/healthily and show it and the persons concerned RIGHT up. You're just texting a simple Hi, not shimmying up his drainpipe into his bedroom at 2 in the morning.
Were it ME, however, with her failing to remember WHICH ONE I WAS!, I would just leave it. Because even IF his electronic avenues keep getting blocked - if a bloke is determined enough not to lose contact it'll occur to him at some point to resort to the good old phone or postal system.
Saying all of that, I agree with Susie's penultimate statement because you've GOT to think about the long-term. You do NOT want a mother-in-law who's as pettily immature when it comes to dealing with her ego-flexing son as he is and is likely to view his wife as an extension of him. BLEUGH! Taking a relationship to Seriousville is hard enough without that!
Lots of choices open to you, then, none of which could cause anyone to actually fatally self-combust, LOL.
If you really believe I’m mature for my age then I guess I would have to contribute that to simply my life its been crazy and has left crazy in me to a degree as well as apparently maturity from yer perspective >.> … lol
I like how Soulmate put it. I didn’t comment on it but it did graze my thoughts as curious why on earth would a son take a pic of his mom on an ipad? It proves nothing except for the fact that she has an ipad, likes it since shes using it, knowledgeable to a degree on how to use it, and likes to give herself downtime. We simply can’t see the previous 30 min or the next 30 min. As a result even I can’t pull out of that visual a calculation of a percentage that leans on a possibility that supports his story. So again that’s just another puzzle to this picture that is odd.
I also have to whole heartedly concur with Soulmate, when she said that him telling you about him and his mothers troubles is simply another example of his immaturity she’s dead on again. If anyone male or female has enough self-confidence, dignity and what not. In my book why would you need to “flaunt” your victories, verbal or otherwise? In all honesty those who have a similar necessity of being noticed when I walk past them they are no greater than that of the crowed I am passing.
I don’t know, I would seriously treat this relationship as the words it is based on. Which from my observations seems to be exactly that… words.
Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?