We have 2 kids, a 5 year old and a 9 month old. He gets 1 weekend off a month at his job. With all his gaming responsibilities he doesn't have much time for us. We've talked and fought about this more times than i can count. I'm told he'll drop a game, but he doesn't. When he's home, if football isn't on he's playing Destiny and we have all learned not to interrupt that.
He tells me to go out and make friends, but since I'm the responsible parent that always has the kids, i really can't. I want him to be able to hang out with his friends, but his family misses him. When he's home he's texting, emailing or playing his game, or he's asleep on the couch. Talking has gotten us nowhere, things will be good for a few days, a week tops, then he goes back to his old ways again. I have already told him things need to change or divorce is the next step. That made things better for 3 days. I hated threatening that, but this back and forth has been going on for over 4 years now.
I have no life. Everything i do includes the kids, so it's a lot of nothing. I have no friends to go out with, left out even by friends that have kids the same age as mine. My two best friends are my mom and my son, which is pathetic for a 33 year old.
I need help, advice from an outside source. What can i do? This has caused me to succumb to depression. I hate it. I hate what I've become. I just don't know how to get through to him...
Then something like last night happens and makes me question everything. Without me asking he left his phone off the whole night, helped get the kids ready for bed and clean up after dinner, then we curled up on the couch going through music videos on YouTube, one of our fav things to do together. In bed we curled up together, which we hadn't done in a while. It was wonderful and I felt like I had my husband back. Any suggestions on how I can keep things like this? I did let him know how much last night meant to me...
"Then something like last night happens and makes me question everything. Without me asking he left his phone off the whole night, helped get the kids ready for bed and clean up after dinner, then we curled up on the couch going through music videos on YouTube, one of our fav things to do together. In bed we curled up together, which we hadn't done in a while. It was wonderful and I felt like I had my husband back."
I'll tell you both what this incredible "coincidence" makes *me* question (*with* copious experience to back it up, I should add): YOUR PRIVACY!
Do what? You post on the 4th and that same day at 5.58pm get feedback saying 'gear up to divorcing him' and then suddenly that same evening (clearly only an hour or so later going by 'kids to bed') he's Mr Full-On Wonderful, Mr Complete-About-Turn?
That's not a coincidence, REENIEBUG, that's writing in big, block capital letters on the wall!
"Coo-eee, Mr Snoopy-Pants, hi there!!! Realised from her opening forum post that your poor, put-upon wife IS actually serious after all, have we? Actions speak louder than what you thought of as mere nag-nag-nag for-the-sheer-harpy-'fun'-of-it, do they? Yeah - ketchup, baby tomato! :-p"
Great. So now you've not only got a spoiled, pompous, over-entitled, arrogant, inconsiderate, empathy-less adolescent on your hands but one that's a typical, privacy-smashing uber-control freak to boot. Lovely. Lucky you.
DAMN right he's merely appeasing you! And do you know what this tells me? Answer: how he's perfectly aware, and always was from the start, that his behaviour is beneath that of a loving, supportive husband as would leave ANY wife unhappy, and routinely does as pitifully little as he thinks OR GETS TOLD VIA WHAT HE GLEANS FROM SECRETLY, UNDERHANDEDLY MONITORING YOU AND YOUR INNERMOST FEELINGS that he can get away with.
Hence last night, thanks to what compelling advice he read you were starting to get - Abracadabra!!!
Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?