PeoplesProblems Logo

No friends

Default profile image
Relationship advice Hi, I'm a 23 years old male currently in college. I am currently in holidays and I'm really bored and feeling alone. I have some friends in college but they never call/message/facebook. Everytime it's me who must talk to them because they never initiate any conversations and worse everytime it's me who propose to meet up. I don't know if they are not interested in me or that they don't care but i'm tired of feeling unimportant. I have stopped initiating conversations and now I feel I lack companionship. Any advice please?

No friends

Default profile image
Ok..1st of all you did the right thing in NOT initiating contact anymore after you were always the one doing it 1st. Since you're in college I'm sure they have clubs where one can join things with people with similar interests.Have you looked into that? Also..ok but don't you keep sort of in contact with some old friends left over from high school? Your best bet would be to find some sort of club to join while in college.You will meet others that way. Good luck.

No friends

Default profile image
Hi Dalton99,

This is my personal point of view and i really hope this helps you. I used to be friends with a lot of people, and go out all the time. But lately people change and some of the people acted like your friends are. Now whatever you think, these people are not really your real friend if they treat you that way. You can't just get good friends to by a snap of a finger, it will take time. But take this time that you have by yourself, and make use of it. Use this time to see who you are as a person, at your age most people find out who they truly are as a person. Once you have done that i would recommend finding the appropriate people that will be fitting for your life and have a positive influence. Friends that mutually respect you as you respect them, that means that you should not be the only one initiating conversations etc. Now if you are feeling bored, you should contact family! spent time with them, siblings, parents, cousins. This is something my parents have always told me but i never really appreciated it until the appropriate time arose. They told me to always stick to family, because no matter what happens your family will always be there for you and the harsh truth is that most friends wont be. I was going through difficult times and the truth was that the people that i thought were my best friends turned their back when i needed them most. I feel like when a person is in their darkest time, it reveals who is truly your friend and who isnt. Now if you do have friends dont cling on to them 1000%. Friends come and go, you will hardly have a friend for a lifetime, but if you do then good for you pal! I see them ass friends for the time being. I dont view them any different than anyone else would, i will still have my fun with them but ill also be prepared when things go wrong.

I hope i could help somehow :/

No friends

Default profile image
There again, it's not unknown for a seeming proactive, leader type to attract followers whom as such wait around for you to always summon them because they think you're the popular, go-getting, busy one, which your habit of always being the one to organise get-togethers reinforces. IOW, by having perhaps been TOO proactive at the start, you went and set in stone a caller-callee dynamic.

I once had a friend who always waited around for me to call. When we had to confront the issue her she basically admitted she felt if ever she'd been the one to ask, I might have said no and made her feel rejected. Once we cleared up that confusion she started to do more of her fair share of contacting, although I still wouldn't say it reached the full 50%. The point, however, is this: ironically enough, what CAUSED the confrontation was when I basically got fed up and stubbornly failed to contact her for months, which had her complaining bitterly - under-assertively to a mutual friend, note! - about how I, quote, clearly didn't want to be friends any more because I never rang her like I used to (*sigh*).

So you never know... The clue is the fact it sounds as if when you DO initiate, they say yes and turn up (actions!).

No friends

Default profile image
Yo, I went through this exact same thing in college. When I was at school, I always had friends ringing my line for different reasons, but on summer break, and even sometimes on the weekends, I could go for DAYS without a single phonecall, text, facebook message, anything. I was always the one to initiate, to organize, etc. I guess it was the situation that Soulmate describes. Anyway, I got fed up with having to be the one to ask to hangout so I stopped. Yes, I was lonely at first, but then my *REAL* friends started coming around and asking about me. I told them honestly- you guys never call me to hangout and never initiate contact with me so I assumed you weren't interested. After facing the situation honestly and having a little heart-to-heart, they realized it was true and now I would say it's almost opposite. More often than not, they are calling me and arranging group activities! I would suggest having this conversation sooner rather than later.

No friends

Default profile image
Agree.

The answer, therefore, Dalton, is to be honest in telling them how you feel rather than sitting there letting possibly unreal and unnecessary resentment grow and fester.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0