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Confusing Girl

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Relationship advice This is a long story but ill cut it down to the basics.

I've been good friends with a girl for a couple of years. About a year ago she kissed me when we were drunk, then again in june and again on new years (drunk each time) she told me i was her best friend and sent me pictures of her in the shower... I woke up in bed with her multiple times but nothing happened.. she talks to me all the time, texts, Facebook, FaceTime. So basically she makes it seem like she's interested but says we are just friends which is confusing the shit out of me.. i think she may just enjoying the attention but i have no idea what her intentions are or what i should do. Any ideas?

Confusing Girl

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The best thing to do is use every ounce of courage and ask her how she really feels-when she's sober. She should not be doing what she does if she just intends to be your friend. Often times, girls do want the love and attention without a relationship, which is totally wrong. Don't let her use you. You need to ask so that you can either sort through your feelings for each other OR make sure she knows you're not her toy. Friends should never be played like that. From the sound of it, she's interested in you and afraid to admit it. However, you'll never know the truth until you ask. That's the only way the confusion will subside. Hope I helped! God bless!

Confusing Girl

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Desperate is as Desperate does. And doesn't get hints as doesn't get hints does.

Never mind the blah-blahs, the truth is always, always in the total actions, particularly the ones that get repeated/sustained. She's acting like a would-be romantic partner who's waiting for YOU to manly up and bite the bullet yet meanwhile has finally reached the point of exasperation (hence the desperate act of the 'shower shot' to gee you up - via the dangley if that's what it'll take considering mere hinting has never worked).

If meanwhile she were blanking and neglecting you, THEN I'd say she just likes the adulation. But she's not, is she, she's being all-round consistent. So, like ALLY_447, I think it's pretty clear she just doesn't want to feel like the man by having to be the one to say above-the-table, "what about it?", hence when openly confronted in whatever way, even by a scenario, she refers to you as her friend (which is to preemptively safe face in case you humiliatingly refute any more daring label).

I suggest you just go for it, cease being so passive as if you're waiting for her to be the brave one. Why HAVE you been?

Confusing Girl

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Thanks for the replies its interesting to read your opinions. The problem is is that she's not consistent.. when i try to "man up" she backs down and says were just friends but as soon as i back down she's up for it again. But i think i will just tell her straight because either way i cant let this keep happening even if it means losing her completely.

Confusing Girl

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Er...that's still a consistency, despite not one of the ones you're after. Put it this way, if she'd just been playing and encouraging you to keep holding a flattering candle to her (for the mere ongoing ego boost), then the very first time you'd stepped properly forward would have seen her watering down her behaviour back to mere friendliness PERMANENTLY, having been 'burnt' from playing with fire. Conversely, SHE keeps stepping back up. In fact, I'm getting visions of a weathervane couple: you're out = she's in, you're in = she's out.

Describe how you 'man up'. Perhaps the problem is you being one extreme or another and nothing in between, with her trying to behaviourally 'adjust your dials' every time, yet that not working, meaning her keeping on coming back to the problem of full-on versus too little instead of the more middle-ground (handleable) response she wants?

Confusing Girl

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Hi BLACKMAGIC 93 -
From what you have described and said on this post i would be very careful with this situation. Now first of all, im not really sure if you have feelings for her or not but it seems like you do. I would definitely advise you to back off from her tho. You should straight up tell her that you just want to be strictly friends and you wont tolerate anymore of what she is doing. She is pretty much 'leading you on' and no one should ever really do that to another person. She is using you to get attention just like you guessed, she wants to keep you around for when she needs the excitement, but whenever a better option pops up she will probably jump to it. Now that not really a girl you would want to find yourself falling for, it really only just ends up badly. By telling her this and just strictly being friends you can avoid other issues such as awkward moments when things like that happen, and you can invest your time finding a girl thats better suited for you rather than doing these things with her. She is your friend, and she shouldn't be using it. Don't let other people use you, you are your own man. make things happen!
wish you best of luck :)

Confusing Girl

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I still don't think she's using you as ego food or someone to practise on, particularly not as it took her a full year to progress to where she is. Two years is a considerable friendship and not such a thing most young women would treat so carelessly. I could understand this opinion if she'd only met you a couple of months ago but... not two long years on.

My ex-husband and I were originally best buds for 2 years before he and I simultaneously got ideas (or rather, he'd had ideas from the start unbeknownst to me, but I was baby tomato ("ketchup!?") when it came to responding/succumbing) and although I'd consider myself too classy and ladylike (shurrup you lot! :-p) to send would-bes pictures of myself however much nuddy in the shower, I do remember blowing distinctly hot and cold on him in the awkward run-up. And the reason I did so was [1] I was loath to come out and confess my newly-formed greater feelings in case it turned out I'd read the signs wrong (and HE was just larking around), and [2] potentially ruin the friendship for good, and [3] I DINNA WANNA BE DER MAAAN because if you start like that you generally end up caught in the habit.

It's the fact she's consistently being perfectly attentive meanwhile that's swaying me towards 'seriousness' here. Women who are playing tend to be like a ruddy jack-in-the-box, appearing when and ONLY when they need that boosting flattery.

I don't think there's anything "confusing" going on here apart from matey seemingly waiting for HER to give the definite Green Light and her waiting for HIM to. That's what was going on with ex-friend/husband - waiting for me. Under-Assertiveness Alert! Particularly to women who are used to men being far more forward and gagging.

Plus booze doesn't *create*, it opens Pandora's Box (no smirking at the back there!). Dutch Courage. Then after Dutch Courage comes, as I said, outright "aw, F**K IT!" desperation, hence the late-coming soapie selfie.

IS she used to more forward men, BLACKMAGIC?

Otherwise, I don't know what else to say (except for let's call Miss Marple, LOL).

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-1