Newly Wed and Sex Issues
My husband and I got married 5 months ago. We're both young 20s. From day one sex has been an unpleasant experience for me and I avoid it as much as I can which is causing relationship strain. I have been trying to communicate this to him without hurting his feelings but I just don't like it. Besides the fact that I very rarely have the desire, when he does try to engage in intimate acts with me it just feels gross. I have been trying to find more gentle ways to explain it to him than that. I have also tried changing my mindset/thought process but that doesn't change anything. Going back and forth about it with him or just bearing through it is wearing me down. What am I to do?
You should talk to a dr. that specializes in sexual problems.Have you always felt this way about sex?This is something that needs to be addressed with a professional because it's not good for either person.
Well, he is my first sexual encounter. I am currently searching for a counselor/therapist. I just am a little embarrassed and don't know who to trust
How about getting a referral from a woman OB-GYN?
Make an appointment and tell the Dr. what's going on.
May I ask if you had "desires" when you were dating? (Oh- did you ever date or was this an arranged marriage?)
Are you using lubricant? It's available at the local drug store.
Lot of sense in here but I am as mystified about the situation and you. It's your first sexual encounter, so maybe a virgin and that's unusual these days, but you say you don't like it and things are gross. Didn't this all come out before getting married?. You don't say it's painful but if so see a specialist and don't be embarrassed, they have heard it all and you're not alone with the problem I am sure.
My wife and I fiddled and fumbled at first and she was slightly more experienced than I but we managed and soon enjoyed every aspect.
We have had 50 years of troubled marriage because of my cheating and other issues, but we are still together and doing OK, but the sex thing is more or less over, we've had our fun and children.
Forgiveness and compassion has played a big part in our later life plus a huge amount of help for me in this forum.
Good luck from a resurrected old git.
I didn't have sex for 13 years and have had similar issues with my fiance. First of all if you tell him that he might have his feelings hurt. Men have egos and their sexual performance means more to them than you realize. I have tried a few shots of alcohol to relax me, along with a little (ok a lot) of lube, and trying to completely block my mind of any thoughts accept for great sex. I talked to the Dr. and she said the more sex I have the better it will get, something to do with stregthening the vagina walls....that was a month ago and am still working on it....... Good luck!!