Am I misinterpreting her signals? What am I doing wrong?
I apologize in advance for this long story. I am 27 years old and the girl in question is 26 years old.
We met in the elevator of our apartment block. Our cars park in the same basement. We would casually chat until one day I asked her name, then we spoke for a quite a few minutes and I told her that I was moving out – she seemed sad to hear that. For the life of me I don’t know why I never asked for her number.
Anyway, a week later, just before I could move out I went to her flat to ask her out. She was not at home and her car was out. The next morning I see a note on my windscreen with her number, saying that we should meet up some time. I contacted her thereafter but she was out of town for 2 weeks and said we should meet up when she’s back (by this time I had moved out).
We only met 6 weeks later, as she was busy. I even messaged her prior to that and told her don’t bother as it’s clear I am pestering her and she’s not interested. She responds and profusely apologizes saying it’s all her fault and that she is really busy but wants to meet.
We did eventually meet at a bar (6 weeks later), with some other random people who were friends of her friends. The conversation went very well, but somewhere during the night I ended up talking to some of the other random people while she was talking one of the guys. Nevertheless it seemed like a standard hangout night with a group of people. The next day I messaged her and say I had a nice time, she says likewise and asks if I feel better knowing that she’s 26 (as I thought she was 20 – she looks young).
After that I was out of town for a few weeks with work but we chatted quite often. I sent her pictures of my travels and she mentioned that I have to take her there. When I returned home, we went out to a bar – just the two of us – some 10 weeks after she left me that note. She told me that she said to her friends that she finally met a nice guy in the apartment and now he’s moving out (referring to me). She mentioned how she was waiting for me to ask for her number but I never did hence she left the note. The night went well; we talked, laughed, teased etc. She asked me if I’m an ass man or boobs man, among other things. She also mentioned that just because she talks to other guys it doesn’t mean infidelity, and that was something her previous boyfriends did not understand. She likes talking and socialising with all types of people.
Eventually the bar closed and there were no places nearby so she said that we should go to my place and continue drinking, which I agreed on. Then I remembered that I had no alcohol so I told her so and said I would stop somewhere and get alcohol. She said no problem. We took a taxi to get the drinks and then go to my place, but before getting back she said she’s tired and asked if it’s ok if I drop her home. So I got the taxi to do so.
She apologized the next day, saying she was very tired. I said it’s cool. We continued to chat over the next few days. I tried to arrange for us to meet but she was busy during the week. When I tried to meet with her on the Friday after, she said that she had a girls’ night out and therefore could not make it. She then calls me at 3:00 am that morning to chat.
The next day I call her to continue our chat, which goes well. She agrees to meet me for breakfast but then cancels as she was too hung-over.
A week later she contacts me to meet for drinks and asks me to bring my friends along as she would be there with some female friends. We meet at the bar and we chat for while before she goes back to her friends and I go back to mine. Later in the evening she’s talking to some other guy who approached her at her table. I then accept that she’s not interested. Later on she approaches me to chat and I ask her if she’s interested in that other guy because I’m interested in her (which I thought was obvious by now). Well she says she’s not interested in that other guy, but that her life is a bit complicated right now and I respond by saying its cool.
Even later that night she tells me that she told the guy that she’s not interested in him, because she’s interested in me (she was stone sober, while I was not). That guy actually tells me later in the night that she brushed him off and said it’s because she’s interested in me.
Me and her continue to chat for the rest of the night, and thereafter she leaves with her friends. The next day she says she had a nice time and asked me what my friends thought of her. I said they said she was cool.
That was 1 month ago, in December. We have not met since then because she went home to her family, but we have chatted during that time.
She leaves her number on my windscreen, but takes 6 weeks to go out with me, and it was with a group of others. Thereafter, when just the two of us do go out, she asks me to take her back to my place for drinks, but eventually bails out. She tells me how she was waiting for me to ask for her number, and she tells her friends about me. Then, in December she arranges to meet with me because she won’t see me during the festive season. Now that she’s back from holidays we have chatted but she cannot see me this weekend as she has plans, but says that we will meet soon.
Now, did I misinterpret her signals? Or did she send me mixed signals?
She's definitely interested. She gave you her number, you guys have been chatting and hanging out. She does seem a little bit flakey, with all of the cancelling and I could see how that might come off as giving mixed signals. I'd give her time to work out whatever's complicated about her life right now, but keep trying! Seriously, don't feel like you're pestering her if you have to try a few times to make plans that work out. If she changes her mind about being interested, she'll let you know one way or another. Until then, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.
Thank you very much for the advice. It is appreciated.
Well she called me last Friday to meet but I was tied up at another event and I could not see her (although I desperately wanted to).
We never met during the weekend as she was busy. I contact her on Monday (via text) to try and setup a meet to discuss stuff. She says that she cannot meet as she is out of town this weekend.
She then tries to explain that she is generally very busy and that she is so used to being alone that it is difficult for her to make time for others. The next day I message her and say that I got the hint a long time ago and I just want to meet for drink and to sort of move on.
She responds yesterday: “So you wanna meet for a drink coz you think I am not interested and you want to move on. Hmm… clearly you know so much about me then. More than I know myself :-p”
I have no idea how to respond, but I interpret the message as she saying that she is interested in me.