My Life Confuses me
I am 16 and a guy. Decently good looking. People say I'm hot and I should be a model etc. But I don't feel anywhere near that. I think I have good sense of fashion but that's it. Other than that I am the most self conscious guy and I hate it. I have no idea what to do( I dont mean to seem like a douche. I'm normally very modest, just trying to give details that may help) my life seems like its in shambles when it probably isn't. I had a girlfriend for a year and our parents broke us up and so I was never given closure from the relationship. We weren't allowed to date or anything. And this girl is a 9/10 in my eyes. I was an idiot who didn't want to take her virginity even though she wanted sex so badly because I felt like she would hate me if we broke up and I took it, she was in love with me and said she would commit suicide if I broke up with her. So we broke up due to our parents and she never got ovwr it until she found someone else about 1 year later even though guys were all over her from our break up date.I never stopped thinking about her. Every guy in my school gocks at her and says I fucked up with her even though its 2-3 years later. Once she found someone I went on vacation and met an amazing girl. Took everything off my mind, seemed perfect. So I kept talking with her and well in the one week of vacation we somewhat fell in "kid love" together and everyone on the resort thought we were perfect. Random people came to us saying we look perfect and we need to send marriage invites to them as a joke. We have been together for 10 months and we fly back and forth from country to country to see each other ( we buy our own tickets) and everything is amazing. She makes me feel like a king and she never wants to let go of me, she is an 8/10 for refrence. So before new years she was talking to guys I didnt like so I confronted her and she said its fine for me to hang out with girls and ( we originally never spoke to the opposite sex that much as an agreement) so I started talking with this girl I have liked for 4 years who is 2 years younger and is one of my best friends little sister. The non stop starring and small talk made me insane and so I told her I have liked her when I was younger and she said she did too. And then I texted her later around 12 at nught saying I still liked her ( I'm still dating the other girl at this point) and she said she liked me too this whole time. So I was drinking that night and she ended up saying meet me on my patio because she lives near me. So I walked down in bad weather and we ended up making out on her patio at 1 am. It was the worst make out ever but I loved every second because it was with her. Later that night when I was at home I realized. I just cheated on my girlfriend. Fuck my life. I felt terrible so I told my girlfriend a day or two later what happened since the girl I made out with told the only girl my English girlfriend knew from Canada and she said she would tell if j didn't. So I told her. And she broke up with me which I get. But we started talking again and she forgave me and we ended up being basically boyfriend anf girlfriend again but without the official title of bf and gf. So I continue with my friend sister for some reason and she ends up telling me she is too busy for a relationship etc. And so I get that since she literally has way too much stuff going on. So after a while she seemed to ignore me. ( I still can't get my mind off my ex from the start through all of this. She has never left my mind and I can't get her out) so I texted her saying what's up with us etc. And it turned out that she moved on while I was in a relationship and she didn't realize whixh is why she made out with me etc. So now we are just friends but I still want to be with her even though she doesn't care that she broke us up. And now I have two girls I can't get off my mind for some reason. I go to work and all I think about is how I could get 1 of them back and then realize I have my unofficial girlfriend waiting for me in england. And in all honesty I see myself being with the girl from england. We live together for weeks at a time and literally spend 24/7 together and we love it. We spent a summer together and we still loved it. I honestly see myself having a family with her but my mind disagrees since I can't get the other 2 out of my head. I don't know what to do. I can't have the 2 that live near me and I can't stop thinking of them and it depresses me and yet I have one in anither country who is he most loyal person ever yet I don't want to be with her because I see "better" things here. I know for a fact I will miss my current unofficial girlfriend so much if we ended but I can't stop wanting other girls. I don't know what to do and I think this is really unhealthy. A little side note, I literally live only a 2 minute walk from both of them and I go on the bus with them every single day so its not like gettingthem out of my head is easy. What do you think I do with the 3 girls? How do I sort this out. How do I get over this lack of confidence? What should I be doing? Who do I pick? There's too much for my teenage brain to comprehend. There is so much more I can say but I think this is lengthy and I'll add more if asked for it. I just think this is the main stuff for right NOW. Thanks for reading this and replying
First of all- Girl #1. Threatening to commit suicide is not healthy. Ever. I hope she is getting help, and if I were you I would not even want to think about putting myself back in that situation.
Girl #2 has said she does not want a relationship. You need to respect that.
Girl #3 (your unofficial girlfriend?) has forgiven you. Long distance is tough, especially when you're so young. You need to think long and hard about whether you really want to tie yourself down to that. And if you do, you need to talk to her about where your relationship stands. No sense pining away for her if she's off dating other guys. (And on the flipside, you don't want to keep her waiting for you if you're not serious about her.) If you two are officially back together, you need to stop wanting to be with other girls. Period. She forgave you once, but if you cheat one more time she probably will not forgive you again. And if you can't stop wanting other girls, then you really should not try to commit yourself to a relationship right now.
One more thing. You're 16. You have so much time to figure out what you want and who you want to be with. You don't need to worry about getting married and starting a family together. If you want to be with a girl because you genuinely like her and don't want to be with anyone else, then great. But don't do it because you feel like you have to.
I understand I need to get over girl number one and two. But how. I literally spend minimum an hour a day almost right beside both of them. Its not like its where I don't have to see them. That's my issue. I don't know how to get over them. As for the girl #3 I feel like I would rather be out of the relationship so I can live my life as a teenager and not be in a rationship. That's where I get freaked out because I want her to be mine but I can't have that if I want to be with other people so how do I go about that. I know the answer may be so simple to some but as a teen my skull is a bit thick and probably doesn't want to see the right thing to do.