Head vs Heart
ARBUCKLE78 - Jan 9 2015 at 09:10
What do you do when your heart wont listen to your head? When your heart loves someone so much they are the first thing you think of when you wake up and last thing you think of before you fall asleep and everything in between. But at the same time your head knows you cant be together because the other person as much as they love you back; that love is only as their best friend. There is rarely a day that goes by that you dont talk. So your head keeps telling your heart you will always just be the best of friends but your heart wants more. So how do you get your heart to listen to your head?
A little back story. We have known each other just over 11 years now. We met online. We do live long distance. I do realize that is a part of the problem. We have spent time together. She has come to visit me twice and I have gone there. The main reasons it hasn't been more is cost and due to medical issues it's hard for me to travel. There was a period of a few years in the middle where we didn't talk because her then husband was over controlling and didn't allow her to talk to me. Though I still thought of her all the time and was overjoyed when she reached out to me again.
Are you being friend-zoned even though both are single? Does she know what your heart says? If not tell her. If you fear her direct rejection put it across jokingly first few times. Get the thought into her head and give it time to settle in slowly.
No, if you want your heart to listen to head then you will have to totally cut off from her till your heart is under your head's control.
Sounds to me like you haven't respected and listened to what it seems she's been clear about - she loves you as a best friend. You're in love with her. If you want your heart to start listening to your head, then make the changes you need to make for that balance to happen.
Date other people. Stop engaging with this person until or unless you can approach it as real, honest friendship - the same way she does. You're creating this situation and this "relationship" might be something you're subconsciously engaging in to avoid the very vivid and direct experience of a real-life, in person relationship and relating.
Your struggle is trying to accept a reality that you know you need to accept. You are in love with a person who sees, feels, and thinks of you as a friend. Maybe a good place to start is trying to be a good friend to her and let go of these romantic feelings that aren't requited.
Find your happiness and invest your romantic energy and feelings in someone who is as into you as you are them. You're worth it, and you deserve it.
I think, you should solve all the problems and be with her, because you love her so many years, it is wonderful... But is she married still? Why don't you ask her to marry you? By the way, here you can read about relationships https://mymagicbrides.com/blog/.
Don't be confused about the fact, that information is about russian girls, advices are universal. And you should discuss this problem with her, first of all.