Totally Confused and Helpless
So, myself and boyfriend have been dating on and off since we were 16, we both recently turned 23. In the last few months I have felt the urge to move away from home, like almost all the young people our age from our locality.
I still have until May to stay here because of college, while my boyfriend had been laid off work just before Christmas until March time.
I had expressed an interest in travelling Europe for various reasons, while he decided that that was not for him. It became blatantly clear that we wanted different experiences if we were to travel, he had been more interested in travelling to Canada and staying and working in the same area to make money, while I wanted to go for experience.
A few days after a drunken conversation over Christmas on how we planned to remain friends when we both went our separate ways, I decided that waiting around until such time was silly and told him I needed a break to figure out what I wanted. Since then I'm more confused than ever.
I really do love him, even though our relationship is not perfect. In recent times it has become more apparent that we don't have much in common and I have been feeling taken for granted as he spends most of his time doing things with his friends and then is happy to sit around my house with me and never make plans to go or do anything.
I'm not sure if the problem stems from our surroundings, we both live in very rural Ireland with not much to do and not much money to travel to go to the cinema, bowling etc. or is it because we both are in a rut in our lives.
I'm sorry that this is so long and drawn out but any help or input would be greatly appreciated.
He stayed 16; you have grown.
Trust your instincts here. GO!! Travel and do what you have always wanted to.
If your relationship is meant to be, he will still be there - but just as you left him.
7 years together at a young age. It's natural, normal, common, and actually quite healthy to sort of grow apart as people grow up. I disagree with Susie that he hasn't gown up - maybe you've just grown up in different ways and wanting different things. That's okay and good to recognize! It's possible that now that you're in your 20s, you just want different things. It doesn't mean you don't love one another. It just means you're both evolving as individuals and that your relationship will have to evolve as well.
I do agree with Susie that you should live your life! GO! Travel and discover yourself. Explore there world and gain those experiences. Allow him to do the same in his own way. Be kind to and honest with one another.
It does seem silly to stay together until a determined time. You have already evolved. Trust your experience and allow life to shape itself around you. It'll be difficult at times, it'll be freeing at times. Just go through it - but stick with it! You may start to doubt if you've made the right decision and when you do that, just remember how different what you want is from what he wants and let him live his life, too.
Good luck and happy adventuring!
O.P here again..
So this 'break up'/ 'break' thing happened on Tuesday just and today I was talking to his brother who knew nothing of the split and started asking me questions about us moving to London?!
This is he first time I heard of it. He has been planning just since Tuesday to move although for months I had been trying to get him to put some/any plans in motion to go and he was always reluctant.
Devastated and don't know what to think..
Maybe it was supposed to be a surprise. Give him the benefit of the doubt and just have a frank and honest convo with him about it.