Just a kiss?
Hello. I am a little confused as to what to do in this situation and I need your help please! I recently entered the single world again and I joined a group of friends who are in the same boat. There is a guy that I get along with really well and we talk a lot when the group hangs. I have a total crush on him. I can't help myself from innocently flirting with him all of the time.
So, here is my problem. On NYE I accidentally got wasted. I clearly cannot drink like I used to when I was younger. We had a great night, up until the part when the alcohol hit me. I didn't black out completely, but I can't remember everything near the end of the night. I think I remember falling and crying about how embarrassed I was to him before the countdown. Then I remember that we kissed, rather passionately for NY. I think I kissed him again after that because I liked it. Then I think I might have asked him if he liked me, or told him he doesn't like me...that is when it gets fuzzy. When he left, I guess I ended up crying about my ex. I am not sad about the ex, so I have no idea why I cried. Thank God for good friends. I saw him the next day and we all laughed about what had happened. His friend (a girl) did text me and told me that he said we kissed and asked if I was really into him or if it was just a drunken thought...I told her I had a crush, but am still healing from the ex. However, him and I didn't talk about the kiss. I am not sure if he wanted to know that, or if she was curious. She said all he said was we kissed...
I am really embarrassed about the whole thing. I do like him, but I am not ready to start dating yet. I want to stay friends with him, but I do not want to ruin the chance of us ever maybe being a thing. Neither of us has said anything about it since and we have hung out with our group several times. However, I feel like he might be a little distant/awkward with me lately, just slightly. I am just curious if he likes me at all, or just sees me completely as a friend? Or, did I ruin it all with NYE...
My question is, should I bring it up to him? I want to say something like..."oh by the way, I am really sorry about NYE. I can't really remember much about the end of the night or what I said, but that doesn't usually happen." Or, should I just not bring it up at all because that might make it more awkward...I don't want to ruin our new friendship or make anything awkward with the group I hang out with now. I know a kiss is not a big deal, but I am mainly just curious if he has any interest in me. Thanks!
Hi. Thanks for sharing your problem and I'm sorry you're struggling with this difficult situation. My opinion is that he probably likes you back and is confused by what seem like mixed signals from you. It's okay to have not behaved the way you'd like to have on NYE and you have to forgive yourself for that. You seem to have good friends who aren't holding it against you.
My take is that he may have asked his friend to write you because he knows you're getting over someone and aren't ready to date yet, and probably wants to make good decisions for himself, you, and your friendship.
Is it possible the friend likes him and was asking because she wanted to know where she stands with him? That's another possibility that crossed my mind.
I do suggest that you talk to him, but don't apologize for kissing him. You DO like him. Be honest and just own the entire situation. Before you talk to him decide what you really want and need and then approach it from that place. If you really aren't ready to date, then let him know you have had a crush on him and realize that you've been flirting and that was probably confusing for him. Acknowledge that. If you want to remain fiends and really aren't ready to date, then you should stop flirting with him. You said you "can't help" "flirting with him all the time" - when a person flirts with you all the time, you start to think they like you and are interested in exploring something more. Let him know that you like him, apologize for flirting, not because you don't like hime, but because you aren't ready to date. And then behave as a friend would. You've gotten to have it both ways wit this guy - a friend, someone to crush on and to kiss while drunk! That's not fair to him. Don't beat yourself up about it, just make it right and do what you know you need to do right now, and thinking about future possibilities between you two is something you may have to let go of for now if you want to genuinely experience a friendship with him since you're clear you're not ready to date.