Can I still attract him back?
We dated for 5 months, fell deeply in love and cared so much about each other. He cared so much about me, I was everything to him. He’d do a lot of things for me. He bought me stuff I didn’t ask for, I never asked him to buy me things. We clicked, and we have never done that before with anyone. For Labor Day weekend, we went camping with my dad and every night (3 days), when we were cuddling in bed, he’d tell me how much he loved and cared about me and one night he said We were soulmates. He would tell me how much he loved me before, but this time it meant so much to me. Everytime he would do it, I would just stare In his eyes and just smile at him. He left that speechless and he knew I loved him back. We had a very deep connection, more than anyone I’ve had one with and same for him. I know he truly loved me, and what we had was very real and amazing. He went through a tough time and he knew I’d always be there for him. We’ve been through a lot and we knew our love was real. We broke about a month ago, almost 2 months now. We broke up because I was depressed still from my grandpa passing away and I just wasn’t the silly weird girl I was when he fell in love with me. (He was there for me when it happened, it happened 3 days after my birthday in August) Since the break up, we have talked some. He was mean for awhile, and we didn’t talk for a couple days, he said he was over me and didn’t love me anymore. But his actions said he still loved me, as I found the article on this site (5 Signs Your Ex Still Loves You, Even If They Say They Don’t). The only action that had yet to happen is him being cold, I’ve tried to talk to him, but he doesn't really reply (is that him being cold?)
Ever since we broke up, I’ve been working on me. He started dating a coworker late in November as a rebound, and rubbed it in my face, he hasn’t said much about it (this is the article that I mentioned earlier). Ever since then he has snapchatted me every single day and one day he asked if I wanted to talk to him. He would sometimes mentions things we loved doing together.
I had apologized early in December for how I was acting the past 3 months and it seemed to have helped some. Later in that month, he told me he missed me. On Christmas, he text me telling me his rebound is over.
Lately he's gotten hot/ cold and I think he's getting distant. We have small talk almost every day or least try to.
Lately, i feel confident. I've been having gut feelings that we will get back together, and I feel in my heart that we will.
So...can our relationship be salvaged and can I attract him back? Opinions?
Wow, this is a lot to have happen within 7 months, 5 of which were spent dating. There are a lot of variables and possibilities here, obviously. My opinion is that he's unsure about you and because of the way he was treating you during his "rebound" - it seems to me that the ending of that may not have been what he wanted and he'd still be with that person if he could be. He only contacted you again and became kind once that ended. And since then he's been hot and cold. - My opinion of that is that he's been hot when he's not got other things going on with other women, and cold when he has.
You should take some time to think about what you really want with him and if you are ready for a relationship. Then talk to him and express those wants and ask him where he's at with it all. Ask him to take time to think about it if he isn't clear. When he has a response, talk again about it and see how what you both want adds up and something can work out with both of you equally committed to the work it takes to re-establish trust, commitment and communication.
If he can't offer a clear and direct response, then respect it and spend time healing emotionally. It's doubtful that you'll be able to be "just friends" right away, so take time until you can truly be his friend and not want something more, and vice versa, if you can't hammer out a direct, clear approach to re-establishing your connection. Maybe that will be casually dating for a while, but if so, then that means he will be dating other people, and you should, too. If that means committing to working it out with one another, then you'll both need to do that work.
Whatever shape it takes, just figure out what you want, ask him to do the same, talk about it and make good, healthy decisions from there.
That's what rebounds are...they won't end good because they aren't good. I'm trying to let go some...I'm fixing why we broke up and I want him to see that. Do you think it's possible to salvage it and attract him back?
Well, rebounds, by nature, usually don't work out. That's true. You broke up with him, though. That impacted him. He moved on - whether it was a rebound or not - and has been hot or cold since.
To me, it seems that your phrasing "attract him back" is interesting. Why do you want to "attract hime back"? Do you want a relationship? What do you want with him? You said you're fixing why you broke up. How are you doing that and what are you doing? It was a shock to his system and not easily repaired. Also, has enough time gone by that you have actually "fixed it" as you say, or are you just missing him and once you do "attract him back" will you being to question again if you've done the right thing and dump him again?
You're thinking a lot about getting him back. I'd be interested in hearing why you broke up with him in the first place, how you've resolved that, and what you want from him. He'd probably be interested in knowing all that, too.
You dated for 5; your grandfather died and you weren't "that silly girl" for how long?
Do you really want a guy who abandons you when things get rough?
It sounds like you two had an short, intense mutual crush and it cooled down.
Reality now sets in. It always gets in the way, doesn't it?
I understood it as she broke up with him because of needing to deal with her grandfather's death. If I read that wrong, then I welcome the correction!
You got it all wrong. He broke up with me. My grandpa died in August, he was there for me when it happened. He didn't abandon me. We broke up in late October, because I wasn't the girl he loved oh so very much I lost touch with myself. SusiedQQQ, you read that so wrong.
And it's called the law of attraction but using it for love. We had real and true love.
I didn't know how to Handle my depression. I was messed up before we broke up. I want to show him changes
Well, maybe what you just said first is a good thing to focus on fixing. How to handle your depression. Maybe you're trying to fix your depression by getting him back, and that's not a viable solution. You address your depression, figure out how to cope and heal, and THEN seek relationships.
You'll be hard-pressed to have something healthy and lasting when you're not in a good place as an individual to begin with.
You abandoned him, after he had been there for you. and you are left to deal with the consequences of that and all the other things you need to sort out and deal with. Take it as an opportunity to get real with yourself and grow. You lost track of yourself and admit that.
Find yourself again before looking for him or anyone else.
I'm at peace with my depression now. I'm trying to get myself back 100% and attract him back to me. I didn't abandon him
I'm glad you're at peace with your depression now. That was a very fast recovery!
So, you're trying to "attract hime back." Your efforts have been met with hot and cold responses. He, at one point, told you he's over you, but you chose to not believe that because of actions. Why did you not take him at his word?
Also, if it's this hard to attract someone back, do you think it's a good thing to be putting so much energy and effort into it?
Because his actions said he still loves me and actions speak louder than words And because I was taught that if I want something, I have to work for it
Actions DO speak louder than words. And his actions, by your own admission, have been hot and cold. We do have to work when we want things.
Is he working to get you back?
If not, doesn't that action say something?
He hasn't don't much lately. He's been working a lot is part of it
"actions speak louder than words And because I was taught that if I want something, I have to work for it"
It sounds to me like he doesn't want this and you're having a hard time accepting that.
That's not what I meant
Do you mean that you're the only one who has to work when they want something? Or that you feel like since you dumped him, you have to go through a million hoops to "win" him back?
If he wanted this, he'd clearly be showing you AND telling you exactly that and you'd both be communicating about how you can work on it together.
your original question was - Can i still attract him back.
There are several answers to that. Among them, Yes, but maybe you shouldn't because you aren't ready for it. Yes, but maybe you shouldn't because HE isn't ready for it. Yes, because you're both into healing the relationship and are actively doing and saying things that validate that truth.
No, because sometimes you just can't and you have to accept that. Regardless of what another person is saying or doing. Because if it's this unclear, then I think you know that regardless of if the answer is yes, it's probably not the best thing for either of you right now.
Just out of curiosity - what DID you mean by it then?
I was taught if I wanted something to work hard for it, that applies to anything. Not just this
So…yesterday was easier. I didn’t want to cry lol. I did think about him though…but I was at my sisters helping her with her son (who is so freaking adorable, I love being his aunt). I just watched netflix and played with my nephew and snapchatted my friends lol. But later that night he sent me one, I thought it was something he put on his story…it wasn’t. He sounded rather flirty, which was shocking. But don’t worry. I didn’t think into it too much. Other than, “oh he flirted with me”
I think I’ve made some more improvement, oh and I’m gaining more confidence, which is what I wanted
Sounds like you're on a good path! It's all good to cry it out and feel the feelings. The only ways out of things are through them, or to just let them go. It's great you spent time with family. Do more of the things that make you feel happy and good as you process through what's going on and where you are with this guy. It's pretty natural that as you create space for yourself, that he'll want to draw you back in. Be aware and careful of falling into the same old traps.
Keep focusing on yourself and doing things and being with people who make you feel good and the rest will fall into place.
It is good that he did that though, right? I didn't expect him to do that
I see it as neither good or bad. It's mostly irrelevant. Those are the head-traps I was warning you against. If he was kind, then great.
My opinion, for your long-term best interests, is that your focus should be on making sure you are healthy, in a good space with people who love you around, healing and well within a support network, creating life goals for yourself, regardless of whether he's in contact with you or not.
That way, no matter what happens with him, or anyone else you're involved with - you have a support system to rely on, a life with goals and substance, things to do and work on, people you love and are loved by to spend time with, and your sense of self and self worth won't be so wrapped up anymore by this or any other relationship.
Try to catch yourself when you're obsessing about him, and do something else. Call your sister. Skype your nephew. Volunteer. Take a class. Work out.
My nephew is 5 months old lol. But I see it as a good thing
See it however feels most appropriate and truthful for you TO see it. I'm offering my opinion only. It's only an opinion and based solely on the information you've provided here. You always have to know what's best for you regardless of what anyone else says. Having said that, here's my opinion:
Seems to me is that he felt you pull back a little and he's quite used to used chasing him around and trying to win him back. So he shot you a quick text just to make sure you're still there at his beck and call. (Very little consideration for your process, your feelings, needs, and wants) All this is happening while he sees other people and does his own thing.
So, see it as a good thing and get super excited about it if that's what feels best to you right now. But don't be surprised if in a week or two he's back to being cold again because he's found someone else to pay attention to. Seems to be that you're a safety-net, distraction to fall back on when other things don't work out. Otherwise, he'd probably be a little more clear about what he wants. Oh - and, yeah, that small matter (sarcasm) of actually considering how his actions effect you.
Sorry for the typos - I'm not great at multi-tasking. :) Let me know if anything isn't translatable to coherent English and I will re-write/express my intended reply.
I took it as him still interested in me. He hasn't done much because he works 12 hours. I'm trying to go for false friendship soon, so he can see that I'm not depressed anymore and I've made changes. He did say when we broke up that I can have a second chance
I'm feeling more confident lately...and I keep day dreaming about him and us getting back together...
So, this morning he told me that he does the same thing everyday (work) and I've been having this gut feeling that something good is going to happen. I've been day dreaming that my ex and I get back together. Does this mean something? lol