PeoplesProblems Logo

Breakup

Default profile image
Relationship advice Girlfriend and I have broken up
Dating 3 months but have know for 9 months
Single dad / single mom
We are expecting

Breakup

Default profile image
Sorry, SINGLE DAD3, but you're going to have to be a lot more detailed than that if you want not only advice but the correct advice.

What did you break up over?

And how on earth did she fall pregnant by you so quickly?

Breakup

Default profile image
I wonder same thing she said we needed to be apart I need someone emotionally and physically that will be there for me
Also that overbearing, clingy great guy but we not going to be together
I have been trying for over 10 months to get her to date me finally get it to loose it
And we both used birth control

Breakup

Default profile image
Of course it was all through text she has asked for us not to talk or see each other and has informed me there is no chance for us
Of course I've done the no-no's .. Text all the reasons why I care love and want her so on so fourth
I have left her alone as she asked

Breakup

Default profile image
This sounds incredibly painful, confusing and that you've got some underlying root-issue that drew you to work so hard going after someone who wasn't giving you much back for a long time. (Your ex-partner's obvious underlying stuff notwithstanding)

My advice - She asked to be left alone. Do just that. Look long and deeply at yourself, heal up, work out, hang out with family/friends/people who love and support you, find as much fulfillment as possible in being a good father to your children, find your happiness and live well.

Try to switch your thinking from feeling abandonment and loss, to one of relief that this person is no longer creating such toxicity in your thinking, wellbeing, and life.

PHEW!

Breakup

Default profile image
Well she tested me and informed me she heard heartbeat
We were gonna meet to exchange stuff but haven't heard from her
I've left her alone
Still hurts so bad
What can I do

Breakup

Default profile image
Sorry - still too many unanswered questions here.

1. How come she got pregnant with you BOTH using birth control?

2. So, given her text, I take it she *does* want your involvement as the child's father?

(Observation:) Those aren't no-nos. Only from a 'get your ex briefly back by insultingly engaging their ego' point of view. But other than that, there is absolutely no shame in being honest about your feelings or that you have them to that extent in the first place. It shows you went into the relationship with the correct intentions AND that you're not an emotionally arrested or dysfunctional individual who can't bond properly. So I say, good for you for not playing stupid games! There's a kid involved, anyway, so childish games of that vein that go, 'Hmph, didn't hurt anyway, mleugh!' have no place here. None.

(Observation:) Interesting - very - * potentially - that she hasn't said another word about the pre-mentioned goods exchange. * Unless she's been up to her eyeballs lately, that could be a case of actions speaking louder than words. I mean, if you want rid, even of a SIDE to a person (this case, romantic), then you tend to want to do so asap without any faffing around. So... interesting lack of proactivity there.

3. Also interesting that she couldn't bring herself to say her piece to your face. Coward? Or worried she might fold?

4. I also wonder why on earth this woman wouldn't want a termination if [i] she didn't get pregnant on purpose, [ii] she's decided you're not life- or long-term-partner material in her eyes and considering [iii] she must be only a few weeks pregnant. Any ideas on that score?

5. Re Question 2: Isn't texting you about having heard the heartbeat grossly insensitive as well as unnecessarily premature, given the situation? I mean, it's not as if it's urgent information at this point when your mind is obviously on the confusion surrounding why she broke up with you, is it? Why do you think she did that? Why couldn't she have told you retrospectively in, say, another month's time? Me, I'd say it smacks of a reinforcing of a bridge (you're a bloke, you know what I'm talking about, right?). Particularly when you add it to the fact of her still keeping hold of your stuff against supposed mutual agreement to exchange it. That makes for a quite a big bridge she's forged for trotting back and forth over. Agree?

5. You sure this isn't just a ruddy great lover's tiff?

6. Any further news just in you might want to add?

Breakup

Default profile image
Sorry not tested me meant text. To inform me
She heard heartbeat.
She also said that ultrasound will
Be scheduled soon. So that tells me
That she should be about 12 weeks.
And if so then our very first time together
Is when happened.
Now about stuff it's not even a big deal to me
Nothing of value, but she did delay till next week which yes I find strange.
Yes I'll agree things moved fast real fast for us, but I did tell her that I wanted to be either through whole process when we first found out. Agree that's it's strange she would
Text me that .. ESP. Seeing why I have no idea this ended..besides " clingy, overbearing..." Along with all that I have stated..
Now lovers tiff..um idk because we haven't argued for fought about anything, disagreed yes but I felt we talked out .. That's another thing we spent first few months talking slot about everything ..over coffee or lunch you know friends..I have gone thru ecru text we have sent each other( 5000+) seeing how I have time..the Sunday before we still said love you to each other, and made plans for Monday, .. I just don't know ..maybe hormones maybe tiff that didn't catch .. But either way totally confused .. No real reason for split, and won't even talk face to face .. Been trying to give her space like asked for .. Yes we both have kids of our own and now baby maybe too much right now for her and she is scared and running away ... That is every single thing I can think of...anymore advice would be helpful. Thank you all for what has been given

Breakup

Default profile image
Paternity test before you drop any $ on anything, my friend. I still think you dodged a huge bullet here by her wanting to be left alone. I think she wants you to leave her alone because she isn't sure the baby is yours.

Breakup

Default profile image
(11 weeks is, I believe, when the first scan is conducted.)

"And if so then our very first time together
Is when happened."

Very FIRST time. Despite TWO-fold contraception> Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice who worked in the child maintenance collections office. (Works, does she?)

*WHAT* forms of contraception?

"" clingy, overbearing...""

Maybe you were, and maybe you weren't. And maybe the whole problem was that she wasn't clingy and overbearing ENOUGH? Me, I think it's quite clingy to whoops!-fall pregnant right off the bat, actually. And then suspiciously and unexpectedly/illogically UN-clingy to then cut all strings completely out of the Blue, apart from obviously the future financial support-based one... that one being the one she evidently cannot WAIT to strengthen! Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice again.

I wonder how you can possibly be alleged to be so overbearing a relationship is untenable, considering equal and dignified 'talks' aren't usually possible with that type; flaming rows being more characteristic? Nor are you coming over as overbearing in your posts. Quite the opposite, actually. You do, however, come over as quite (quietly) intense and thorough/diligent. GOOD FOR YOU!!! That's a brilliant ingredient for doing a really up-close and super-bonded, never-ending Romantic Relationship Pie, FYI.

I suspect you need to toughen up, though, and stop being so PREMATURELY ready to trust. It has to be earned. You blokes mostly don't seem to appreciate that.

Could be hormones. But that still doesn't rationally explain why a woman wouldn't wish to terminate an wholly accidental pregnancy conceived at an highly premature time that by any sane stretch of the imagination was highly non-sensible if lasting togetherness is your goal, and - religious or sentimental barriers excepting - the only reasonable thing to do if you and the baby-to-be's father have split up supposedly forever Amen. *That's* what you call a behaviour indicative of 'too much equals running away', actually... not keeping it whilst removing your number 1 source of support both emotional and day-to-day practical.

Won't talk properly, save for pithy texts, eh? Worried you'll blow her flimsy excuses out of the water, I'll bet.

'Cheers for the pending 18+-year monthly income on podgy little legs, mate! See ya around occasionally (whenever it suits me)!" Or, like TF says, it maybe isn't even yours.

Yup, insist on a paternity test. But even then, unless she shapes up and cleans up - AND I MEAN, SPARKLING CLEAN! - toute suite in the meantime, my nosie does suspect Meal Ticket-ing here. Proceed with utmost caution!

And I must say, this does uck me off, the fact that a woman can take the unilateral decision not to terminate, leaving the man that *did* take precautions completely locked into paying maintenance for 18+/- years and having to participate in a relationship not of his own choosing, whether or NOT he quickly ends up greatly enjoying and valuing it. The point is CHOICE. I thought feminists were pro-choice? Air!...Curiouser and curiouser, said the very repetitive Alice... To me, that's like suing a man for having damaged your eyeball when you held a fork to your eye before commanding him to jog your elbow! Also, babies/future adults are *not* tools and accessories!

But before I get carried away on me injustices soapbox: WHAT contraception of yours? We talking condoms? Your supply or hers? And did you leave her alone in the room with it/them at any point prior to the actual deed? If you're sure not, then TF is right because the odds of her getting preggers, first ever sh*g, despite TWO forms of contraception...? Yuh, right... Here's my 'I'm really thick' face ---> :-p ...as I walk through a closed door made of solid wood.

Breakup

Default profile image
I was going bring up the abortion option upon first read of this post, but didn't want to seem crude. Thanks for taking that one for the team, Soul. Curiouser and curiouser indeed. Straight out of the gate this one reeked of games. Definitely standing by my original instinct on this one which is - so many red flags that you've got to ask yourself why you're missing and wanting someone who treats you this way, brother.

Breakup

Default profile image
Also feel important to say that you seem like an emotionally in-touch, communicative, but with few words, guy to me. Being communicative about your feelings hardly makes you clingy and/or overbearing. It simply means you know how you feel and how to express it. That's something to be applauded and proud of yourself for. Especially considering it seems like you're working with a lot less than what you're offering.

Breakup

Default profile image
"I was going bring up the abortion option upon first read of this post, but didn't want to seem crude."

:-D

I carnelpit, was raised by wolves.

Breakup

Default profile image
I won't pretend that I have any clue what "carnelpit" means, and won't interrupt the post to ask, but do thank those wolves on behalf of anyone who has ever had the pleasure (or displeasure) of crossing paths with you. I'd be interested in meeting anyone who's called you boring, that's for sure.

Breakup

Default profile image
Thank you all for very good advice :)
The money thing I don't feel it to BE an Issue we both work hard for what we have.
She is independent ( I respect and admire that) we talked quite few months back she didn't want for my things because she can get her own
You all have made valid points but you are way off on abortion that was against both of your faiths.
Not only do I have tons to think about so does she .. I have been hurt, lost, confused ..I'm extremely grateful for advice and wisdom. I will take it all in and ponder on it all

Breakup

Default profile image
I'm so sorry for the pain and confusion you're experiencing. That really sucks, and I hope you're able to get some healing and wisdom out of that terrible experience soon. From what you've said, you've obviously been around the block a time or two and will come up with something. I hope we've helped even a little.

This, too, shall pass -- Albeit hardly ever as quickly or painlessly as we'd like.

Best to you, sir.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-2