Stuck on someone
Hi I am new to this site and wanted to share my problem.I need someone's advice or least someone's perspective. I have been working at my job for a little over a year now at a retail establishment. On my very first day, I noticed one of the managers and felt an instant connection. I did not pay much attention to it however because I am a very busy woman and do not have much time for relationships. Sooner or later this manager started dropping hints that he was interested in me. Like showing up on my breaks or wearing similar clothes to me. He has even gone as far as to try and get me jealous to see what my reaction would be. I know that he likes me and have not acted much on it. Over the year I started to develop feelings for this guy. I can tell by the way he looks at me, that he feels the same way. When I don't pay attention to him, he looks heart broken. The two of us have tried to talk to each other but we both seem to get tongue tied and nervous. I have never felt so strongly about anyone before! Then someone informed me that he is married. In the beginning I thought I saw a ring on his finger but I was not sure. Now I do not see a ring on his finger.Just recently I learned that he was trying to get a promotion and did not get one.He kept trying and landed One in his hometown out of state. So then I find out he is leaving. In the meantime he continues to drop hints that he is interested.Even now he is only leaving in a few days and still continues to drop hints! I am so confused!What does he want with me if he is leaving? I mentioned it to my therapist whom I just began seeing and she mentioned the possibility of him being separated or going through a divorce. There was a holiday party which I did not attend because I think they are boring. I asked a friend if he went and she said yes he did.Then I asked if he brought his wife, and she said no he came alone. I have heard him mention his wife, but that doesn't mean they are together. I asked a mutual friend if its possible he is getting divorced and he said that he is Avery private person who would never share information like that at work. Now he is leaving and I am seriously heart broken. I am not sure what is going on but,the therapist mentioned that I seem shy and should just get the nerve up and find out for myself. I don't think it matters now though, if he is leaving so soon.What should I do? Is he playing games with me for his own amusement? Is he just trying to get something real quick on the side? Or is he really getting divorced? There is a feeling inside me that tells me He may even be leaving because of me. I think it's possible that I could've have broken his heart as well, by not communicating my feelings. I am so confused and heart broken, please help!What does he want?
The man is married. And an obvious mess.
Please do yourself a favor and do whatever you need to do to maintain your integrity, focus, and sense of self. Are you the kind of person who messes around with married men?
Regardless of whether he is getting divorced or not, his priorities are clearly messed up. A conscious and compassionate person (to himself and others) would FIRST work as hard as possible to repair his marriage. If that didn't work, he'd work hard to end the marriage well and healthily BEFORE starting something up with another person. If that didn't work, he'd still have the good sense to be honest and transparent about his life and what's going on in it and with it before involving another person into that web of what sounds like a ton of drama.
My advice is to work through the feelings, be honest with yourself, and let this guy work out all his stuff far from you.