She's having conflicting emotions
She was married to her second husband for 18 years. She loved him deeply. She is a sensitive woman whom loves with all her heart. During their union, she had a rare liver disease and underwent 2 liver transplants. The first was rejected. Afterwards, he was later diagnosed with ALS. She cared for him in home for around 3 years until the day came and she had to make the decision to pull his life support.
She has lived in depression for these last 10 years almost 11, after his death. Six years ago, she was found to have cancer in both kidneys and underwent a kidney transplant.
We found each other this past August. And connected very well. A friend of hers pushed her very hard and encouraged her to meet new people. She was spiraling downward I'm told. She balked but humored her girlfriend. And found me. She approached me. Her family and friends approve of me. They all think I'm very good to, and, for her.
Things were great with us until the holidays approached. This time of year is especially hard on her she told me. She became ill, bladder infection at the end of November followed by another infection lasting through Christmas.
This time of year brings many memories and emotional pain for her. She asked me why is it she is still here and others have already passed. Added to this difficult holiday season, Her first husband, her ex husband unexpectedly died. She worried, grieved for her 2 kids( both grown, in their 30's and pretty close to their dad), and her son inlaws cousin committed suicide days ahead of Christmas.
As a side note, I gave her an engraved (Our first Christmas) pink snow globe/music box with an angel inside for Christmas. She gave me clothes and a little stuffed dog for my 1 yr. old great nephew.
A few days ago she told me she thought she could handle us being together but is struggling with internal, emotional conflict. She thinks she is considering counseling to help her. Who knows if she will. She lets me call her, but will not let me see her. I call once, every day. I let her know I love her, and will always stand by her. She is on a roller coaster of emotion. One day she sounds good, the next, I fear she's going to tell me to take a hike and not come back. How do I fight to keep her? I know she loves me, but the pain she still carries from her loss husband10 years ago is still so strong. I think she feels as though she's cheating on him,( my opinion). She told me the other day, she has so many conflicting emotions running through her, that she can't handle it. I do love her. I'm afraid she will cut me loose, and go back into her depression. This morning I sent her a poem telling her when I say I love her, I say it not just in words but from my heart......
How do I fight for her?
A friend of mine recently told me she faced a similar situation. He dumped her, she didn't fight for their love. Now she misses him very much and regrets it everyday.
She's 59, I'm 52.
We've been intimate. Not just sex.
She never grieved; now she is in a perpetual state of mourning. Not a good thing.
She NEEDS counseling ASAP!! Insist on it. find a counselor who specializes in grief counseling.
This will never change until she gets the help she needs.
You sound like a nice person. Don't spend your precious time and attention to someone who will not help themselves.
To add: I was her first lover since her husband had ALS. She approached me to be intimate. She told me it has been 13 years since she's been intimate and I have been the only one she's been interested in. I told her she needed to be certain. That she needed to ready emotionally, mentally and spiritually.