I try to help myself as much as I can (anxiety makes it even harder) but I feel that things will change naturally
And whatever bit I can do to help will just make things change a bit sooner. Time we need to be patient with time
Anyway, it's not a magic cure but it is laid out well and did help a lot.. also I would say, when you wake up feeling rubbish in the morning.. there's an inspirational Arnold Schwarzenneger video floating about.. it asks the question Who do you want to be.. not What, but who.. listen to it, it really makes you think and shoving that in your ear in the morning as soon as you wake up, will make a difference from the ritual of bad thoughts you've started getting into the habit of now.
Maybe it's time for a total life change. You hate your job, have no ties to your community and have constant reminders of your ex. Consider brushing off your resume and looking for a new job. Make it a priority. You don't even have to decide where you want to live - just start sending out resumes. Let that become your job when you are not at work.
Also, you said you've talked with people, but you didn't mention a professional therapist. If you don't have one, I encourage you to find one. Those of us who suffer from this disease need to have safeguards in place for when it hits. Let someone help you get yours aligned.
Best of luck - keep in touch!
"I've found myself working over time just to stay out of my house that has nothing but memories of my ex in it which I find ironic that I'd rather be somewhere I hate just to be away from home I wake up every morning hating life hoping today might be the day I die."
When I was about, yeah, 26 or 27, I was in a town I despised, a job I didn't like, and a boss who didn't like me.
Then I lost the job, and was not around people anymore, because, on my own, I'm a loner. Within a few days, I was depressed.
Within a week, I was so depressed, I didn't think I would get out of it.
Along with the depression, like you,came anger, which was mixing with the isolation. I was in triple trouble: Depression, anger, isolation, no job, no hope of socialization. Stewing in my own juices. So what happened?
All of that hit a boiling point, and I had a nervous breakdown. The depression and anger became so heavy that I cracked wide open.
I got to a psychiatrist and some medicine, and pulled out. You don't really want to go there.
What I didn't do was help myself. When you're depressed, etc., it's very difficult to do that. It's difficult to make decisions.
What I tell my psychiatrist now is:
"Looing for a helping hand, what about the one on the end of your arm?" What I mean is, why, decades ago, was I siting around for 3 or 4 weeks while I was getting more and more depressed? Why wasn't I trying to help myself?
Well, I was the youngest of 3 children, who also had a mother and a father, and I was always use to someone helping me, not me helping myself. I was 225 miles from my hometown, where my mother was, and I was supposed to be making it on my own, and at 27 or so, I wasn't making it, and I didn't know what to do. I was waiting for someone to help me, and no one showed up.
26 or 27 is when many mental illnesses can hit.
I'm hoping you'll do what I didn't. Get some help. This is what I should have done: (I'm reliving my life in yours, trying to see if I get it right this time.)
1. Look in the phone book or on the computer yellow pages for psychiatrists in your hometown.
2. Pick one, male or female, as you choose.
3. Call the psychiatrist.
4. The receptionist will take it from there, there will be no problem.
5. Go to the appointment.
6. Talk to the psychiatrist. He or she will be versed in what to you is a strange new land.
7. He or she will make a recommendation for what might can be done for help.
8. You decide what to do about the advice.
9. If there's medicine that he or she says can make the condition improve, you hope, consider taking the medicine.
10. Depression/anger is treatable, you're so glad to know.
11. Take the medicine to see if it makes you feel better.
12. Thank your lucky stars for anti-depressants and for psychiatrists, who put up with a bunch of kooks, I mean, you and I, for what would be we do without them, the medicine or the psychiatrists?
13. We'd do what my maternal grandmother did: When we went to visit in someone's house, we would search through their medicine cabinet for any medicine that might make us feel better, and we'd be taking strange medicine, none of which would work.
14. We'd end up in a state mental hospital, or in bars, trying to drink our problem away, wondering when they were going to come up with relief for manic-depression, which wasn't going to happen in her lifetime, and would be found in England before America: lithium. Sanity saving, lithium. At long last, peace.
I realize, it takes other parts of the puzzle. But one of the pieces is your brain. Your brain is reaching out for help: listen to it.
I know, a good job, a girlfriend, would also help, are other pieces of the puzzle. But the first one is your and your brain. Once you've gotten that taken care of, then be positive that you can take care of the others.
But that's another story. Being positive that you can get better, that is.
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