I am very anxious about my relationship, facing difficulties in terms of right decision. I fall in love with a guy 6 and half years ago. He is muslim and I follow Hinduism. Everything was okay, he introduced me to his parents. He is very caring, responsible and responsible. The only problem was religion. He don't have respect for my religion and the followers. Most of the fightings began with religious issue. He attacked verbally with religious issues several times. It hurt me a lot. I sent tough sms, later discussed with him nicely. He used to listen my words sitting quietly but after few months, same incident occur. My parents would never going to accept this relationship, so I didn't disclose this to my parents. We both knew that in my country, it will be difficult to stay because our country do not welcome this kind of relationship. So, I came to Europe for studying and our plan was to settle here in future. Before coming here, we secretly got married.
In these days, he attacked my religion verbally so many times. If there was a photo of lord Ganesh on my facebook account, he called me, shouted a lot asking why I posted this because some of his friend said something about it when he saw his profile! I stopped talking with him for a month. He sent me emoticons and every time I thought that he was feeling sorry, thats why he wanted to start again. Last November, again he attacked me without any reason. I faced this kind of situation around 10-12 times in our relationship. So, I decided not to keep any contact with him. After that incident, one day he called me. I said you did this same thing for so many years. Are you sorry for your actions? He said no....I did not hurt you or religion, I shared my view in general and if you are taking this upon you, then what can I do? I was so surprised...that means i was dreaming all these days thinking that he feels sorry by hurting me. I answered him, unless you apologize for all your actions for hurting my religion, i am not going to talk again.
After continuously sending emoticons for one and half, he believed somewhat that I am really not going to talk with him. He tried to call me 3/4 days but I never answered. Then one day, he sent me a message that he is sorry for everything and want to talk with me. Seeing that, I received his call. He said that he read all my messages (where I mentioned the incidents of hurting me) and he understands that some of the issues are serious, some he did as a fun and for some issues I mentioned, he didn't do it with any intention to hurt me. He said that he overlooked this thing earlier time which hurt me badly. So, he requested me not to leave him only for this issue because this will not arise again. I said that my crying, reaction, sms, discussion nothing worked for all these years and now suddenly you are admitting your fault?? Why should I believe you? He said he has nothing to do except his words to me. I asked him to give a proof that you are really sorry and will not repeat it again.
Sorry for this long letter and my language. I miss him badly. He is still sending me emoticons as usual. But if he would have sent me a letter written by himself to me, then I would also consider that as a token of love that he is sorry. Even I wrote one sms giving him hint that what he can give me as a proof. He still couldn't figure out what can he do, he thinks that time will fix everything and if I don't take the next initiative, he has nothing to do. My parents are looking for groom for me and I am facing continuous pressure to choose someone whom they like. I miss him very much, at the same time I am thinking that if cannot respect my religion, he will never change of he will hurt me unconsciously. I am still waiting for him but cannot decide if I should try to forget him and start a new life. Please help me. Thank you very much.
You stated that he thinks time will fix everything. With the way your going, time will indeed fix everything. Only for him and not for you. You still have a deep emotional connection to him and you still respond as though there is more left in this relationship. So your basically telling him that yes, time will eventually fix this. Stay on this path and enevitably you will return to an abusive situation.
You also stated he "unconsciously" Hurt you. I don't want to correct your grammar or anything but its important that i understand. I also don't want to put words in your mouth, but i suspect you meant, "subconsciously." which basically means actions taken by being unaware that they're being taken.
You said if im correct, that he subconsciously hurt you. Ok, that's false in this case. I find it impossible for someone to subconsciously hurt another emotionally. Especially someone they love. Because when you love someone or even try to love someone, you are paying attention to details. Details such as... you both have a different system of belief. He is repressing you from practicing that religion. Of course, this is from an American's stand point who believes everyone should have the right to believe in what they want and worship who they want.
But facts are your being oppressed in a manner of speaking.
Thank you very much for your suggestion.
Are you living together or is this long distance?
Things seems so rosy when people are in love but it can change drastically once couple get married.One of my friend has the same situation, has an interfaith marriage, is a following muslim, But he never abuses her GF for whatever she believes... If this boy doesn't have the art and moreover patience to explain you things then for sure he is going to force through your throught his school of thoughts.... Cleary this is not a good sign if he carries on this behavior.... rest you have to decide, wheather you are willing to go ahead or not...