Wife always wears tight pants but seems its not for me!
Ok the wife and I have been married 10 years and have two kids. She is a beautiful petite woman and I tell her so all the time. The problem is it seems she wants guys looking or hitting on her by the way she dresses! She always wears these tight pants like skinny jeans or tunic type. I notice she even walks different than when it's just us. These pants leave little to the imagination and while she looks hot in them it isn't something I want the world looking at. I have talked with her several times about this and how it makes me feel! She takes the offensive and says I'm saying her clothes don't fit and she is fat. The problem with this is the pants will be brand new so she bought tight skimpy pants. She is 5'6" & 109 so get a visual of how this could be fat. "No anorexia problems either" I've explained to her that,as a guy, when I see a girl dressed this way I think she is wanting stares, come ons, or flirting. The thing that makes this worse is she doesn't want me looking at her. She refuses to wear lingerie, covers up if she is in a bathing suit and hasn't had sex in the light in years! She knows I think she is beautiful and even knows which traits if hers i love. We dated for 8 years before making it official so we know each other very well. She recently has become a sex camel if you know what I mean. Seems she doesn't want me touching looking or anything. Doesn't touch me anymore either usually doesn't turn me down when I make an effort but she ain't going to go out of her way. When it happens it's the same thing SAME D@&$ thing every time. This too has been discussed but no change! Help here folks Ladies, Men anybody. We love each other just seems distant and I've tried all the usual "try this" things I can find!
Here's a thought - And really think on this -
Maybe she doesn't dress for you or other men, but for herself. In things she feels confident and comfortable in.
I'm surprised she's even entertained your "problem" with wearing tight pants, which are actually very in style lately. She's right to take offense to you bringing this up, not once but several times. Yes, it's good to express your feelings, but buddy, this "problem" is yours and yours alone to work out.
Sorry, man. I have to completely and utterly support your wife on this one. 10 years and two kids and she's rocking skinny pants and feeling good?
Good for her!!
This does NOT make her an unfaithful wife, or have anything at all to do with other men necessarily. This has to do with her own self confidence and what makes her feel good. It's not all about you, homie. Especially not the clothes your (very patient) wife wears. Also, I get the very sneaking suspicion that the reason you're so worried about other guys looking, is because you're a pretty heavy looker yourself!! Does that mean you'd actually DO anything?? Probably not because you seem really in love with your wife. And she seems REALLY in love (and again, patient) with you.
Go hug your wife and tell her she looks amazing, but better than that - You're happy when she's happy and feeling good, and oh yeah - you trust her.
P.S. I'm a guy
Amend that to 18 years. She's put up with this for 18 years?!!
Trust, support and sincerity might go a long way to actually getting her back in bed with you, too. Just a thought.
Tom she hasn't put up with anything man. I said nothing until she started acting this way so don't throw this on me cause I promise you that's not the case I didn't get this way until she started the odd behavior. Think you read a lil bit into this to fit your ideals. I have always been a loving supportive husband and was glad she felt good about herself. The tight clothes came with the distant actions that's when I told her I had a problem. I also wonder if you were married how you would honestly feel about others ability to all but see flesh of your wife's privates. She is the one that says she is fat I contradict her and reassure her she is beautiful to me the way she is. So like I said the prob here isn't me bud. I want her to be self confident but don't think it's appropriate dress and it's degrading to females to wear these types of clothes in public The problem here is she doesn't care that a stranger can see her panties but her husband shouldn't and you somehow think this is my fault. Dude come on!
You asked and I offered my opinion. Has nothing to do with me or my ideals, friend, what I offer is based on the posts you present.
Seems like there's a lot more going on that what she's wearing, and maybe that's where you guys should try and focus. What have you done to communicate with one another about the lack of intimacy? And by intimacy, I don't just mean sex.
I apologize if my post seemed harsh. I'm not trying to come down on you. Just don't really understand that if you're not getting your needs met (and she probably isn't either) why you're both (?) squabbling about what she wears instead of focusing on the very obvious deeper issues that are going on?
Your post was about her clothes. It's even titled "Wife Always Wears Tight Pants But Seems Its Not For Me!" It's even titled It seems that your issue is bigger than that. Happy to offer any insight I can, but can only work with what you give us. Talk about what the deeper issues are. We get that you don't like what she's wearing. That seems a distraction more than a root problem. So what's the actual problem?
Dude, come on!
Hi WH, you say the pants and the distant actions came at the same time. I assume this means that before then there weren't any issues between you in the sex/intamacy department? If Not, has anything else changed? Has she had a significant birthday? Going through menopause? Had a baby? Changed jobs? I'm throwing out suggestions to see if this sparks any ideas/recollections of your own.
It really could be down to the fact that something has crushed her self esteem. You may not see it in her confidence but it can show in actions such as the ones you describe. Unfortunately being the husband and having the (dis)advantage of having the opportunity of sex with her, the things you say and the compliments you give can be put down to ulterior motives even if they are genuine. Happy wife, happy life. With other guys, compliments, wolf whistles and leering is all from their recognition of a woman's sexual hotness. I'm not saying she SHOULD be doing this, I'm suggesting WHY she may be doing this. It doesn't mean she wants a new mate, but that she is using them to bolster her self esteem. It doesn't really seem to be working as well as she needs it to however of she can't wear a bathing suit proudly.
I think instead of criticising her you need to find a way of helping her and accepting for now that this is the best way she can think of to help herself right now. I wouldn't point out to her why she's doing it, telling a woman she's got issues will definitely NOT make her feel better about herself. You need to find a way to make her feel a million dollars without pointing out how she thinks she's barely worth one.
I hope his helps!
You should know that big baggy pants are coming back (as opposed to the tights everyone was wearing the past two years) - so will your problems be solved? I think not.
You and your wife need to sit with a good counselor to see what's going on here. Her unwillingness to be intimate is unusual. It seems to have beome the power play in your relationship.
Get to the bottom of this.
PS What have YOU done to change up your sex life? Can you two go away for a romantic weekend, all by yourself?
Yes the two things came about together. The only life events that would have done this I can think of would be the birth of our children. We are only 34. I cant think of anything happening but your are giving really good suggestions. I am thinking that our issues are somewhere in the direction you are headed. The problem is "if she even knows" exactly what it is she wont discuss it with me. I think your second paragraph really hit the nail on the head (about that's how she bolsters her self esteem) Think that too is most of my issue. Guess I wonder why me telling her how beautiful she is to me isn't enough. I mean I tell her everyday to reassure her. I mean I love the way she looks in these pants but I love the way she looks anytime anywhere that doesn't mean I want the world to be seeing either.
I am not feeling the power struggle most talk of its not like she is holding it over me or rubbing it in or trying to use it to get me to do anything. Its just that she seems to think me saying she is beautiful isn't enough. Tried the weekend away it went good still was routine feeling to me, and we came home to the same deal even after a lot of discussion. Think you may be correct about a counselor.
When I was having several affairs, OK don't read this if you think its a brag, but I always wanted my women partners/lovers to look top of the range, BUT that went for my wife too.
I had a very glamorous blonede mistresss for 8 yrs and loved it when every man would turn his head and ogle her, but thinking how did that ugly speccied man pull her. I loved it and was part of my ego and it made me oddly enough appreciate my wife in the same way, but I was just so hungry for sometning new and also wanted my wife to look the dogs bollocks whenever we went out in public.
Enjoy what you are married to, big her up all the time and be proud on her age,shape and fashion.
I think you guys *are* finally on to something.
WH - You said the tight clothes came on around the same time as her coolness toward you. You've also mentioned that you have two kids together and that she's been concerned with he weight and that you've always told her you think she's attractive, not fat, etc.
Violet hit something with this - "It really could be down to the fact that something has crushed her self esteem." WH, it's not how *you* feel about her that matters as much as how *she* feels about herself. It's very obvious that you love her. The very fact that you're even here with your problem and trying to understand shows that! But you also have to admit that you initially addressed it as something like "my wife wears tight pants and I don't like it and why doesn't she just listen to em and respect em and care that I'm uncomfortable with this?!?!" My guess is that she herself has been uncomfortable with something for a while now, and you only care that something is wrong, when you're the one feeling discomfort.
She's a human being with an identity that includes, mother and wife. Maybe she's trying to figure out what else there is to her? Maybe your attempts to be supportive, which were well-intentioned - "*I* don't think you're fat, *I* am sexually attracted to you" etc *you* love and want her why isn't that enough!!
Maybe she wants you to see her as more than an extension of yourself. As a whole person. And (I admit this is pure speculation, but I'm trying to offer anything possible here) maybe felt more diminished by your attempts to support (which by what's been presented here, could very possibly all have been tied somehow to you and how *you* feel and why that should matter more than how she feels) and therefore pulled back.
Maybe she wants you to see and try to understand her when that has nothing to do with you. She is her own person, not your property, although she *is* your wife which means mutuality, reciprocity, respect and a million other things.
Try to let something be just about *her* and see what you come up with. "I feel you distant lately. What's going on inside *you* and listen to what she says without tying it together with yourself and your won feelings (that comes later). If she says "I feel fat" you don't make it about yourself and say "I don't think you're fat! And that's all that should matter" You keep it about her and ask her *why* she feels that way? *what* she thinks would help her not to feel that way, etc.
Very basic communication skills here, people.
(Let's not kid ourselves either - everyone likes to be admired. If we're intelligent and mature, we don't derive our sense of self-worth from shallow ego food, but it does put a bounce in anyone's step to not only feel good about ourselves and what we're wearing, but to be admired for it (assuming it's appropriate per whatever your definition of appropriate is). Which an emotionally mature person would recognize and not feel threatened (but indeed flattered - do not take this as a compliment, Moody) by other people checking out their partner when they themselves like to be checked out. Gimme a break, folks.)
I guess I could hold her up (so to speak). She truly knows how proud I am to have such a loving, beautiful, and smart wife. I guess my problem is that I go out of my way most times to think, how would this make her feel. That it comes off to be that she doesn't respect my feelings. Ladies should know sometimes these things go both ways. Not as much for men but men still have things that bother them too. Why would you knowingly continue to do something you knew someone you loved had such a big objection to. If you love them in return seems enough reason to at least compromise. Yet if I ask her to wear something tigh and skimpy for me she says I don't want to I'm fat. Women are truly a mystery.
WH, you've been married for 10 years and still feel that not only women in general, but your own wife is a "mystery."That's just plain sad. Women aren't from Venus. Men's aren't from Mars.
We're all from earth. It's not that hard.
Communicate. If you struggle with that, then get a couples counselor. You're a father of two a married 34 year old man. The issue you're bringing to the table as such a wild crazy mystery of women! Is actually the easy stuff in the grand scheme of things.
Saying women are a mystery is an illustration of your own laziness. Stand up and helm that ship before you fall off the end of the earth and take them all with you.
Hi, listen buddy, my wife wears tight pants all the time, as a matter of fact she either wears tight yoga pants with top, or a dress, and these are the only options she wears daily, and I'm fine with it.
One time I asked why she like these type of clothes, and her answer was that she feels comfortable in these type of pants or wearing a dress, and I believe it, because she seem comfortable and confident wearing these rather than baggy pant or a jeans, she doesn't like these.
Anyway point of the story is, I think she wears them not for men to watch her, just like my wife she might feel comfortable with tight yoga pants. My wife feels most comfortable in them that sometimes she wear them and put a top above her booty so that her booty wouldn't be showing that much, she just like to wear them not for the people to see her in them, and sometimes she also wear tight top because she also feel comfortable in these and at this time her booty will be showing, but it's fine, people shouldn't look at her, cause she wears what make her feel confident and comfortable and I guess that what she likes to wear and I'm fine with it.
I think "Worried's" concern is that his wife's looks don't transfer into the bedrooom. He then thinks she is trying to turn on the rest of the world - everyone except him.
She's obviously cheating on you. All the signs are there. She dresses hot for work and she doesn't want you to look at her, touch her f*c her, hold her, be by her.....This should be obvious to you, but apparently you're in denial. I would maybe surprise her at work one day for lunch and see how she reacts! Peoples body language tells a lot! Check credit card statements, check her phone if she is really secretive when using it, check mileage on the car to see if it adds up to where she is going......Does she smell different? Like guys cologne? Is she rude to you when you ask her basic questions? Does she try to avoid you? All these signs point to an affair.....