I think he's lying to me
So almost 7 years ago, I met this guy, J. We were together for 6 1/2 years with the first 4 being extremely rocky. We had both cheated on one another and lied and lost trust in each other. We broke up about once every 9 or 10 months, but somehow he always convinced me to come back and I would. 2 1/2 years ago, I had left him for a month. The reason why I left him is that he wanted to up and move from Fargo back to Bismarck (our hometown) and he had stopped paying attention to me. When I went back to him, everything was great. We had a really good 2 years with little fights and arguments, which was highly unusual compared to how the first 4 years went. We've been broken for 4 1/2 months now. He broke up with me on a Friday at 4:15 pm. He had gotten up that morning and got drunk (which was also unusual) because he had gotten suspended from his job for the night. When I got up around 3:30 pm, I found him extremely drunk. When he broke up with me, he also kicked me out of our apartment with no where for me to go; whereas he had friends in the city where he could have gone so I would have had a safe place to live. After about 4 days of straight fighting, we had somewhere in that time, agreed to try to remain friends after our break up. About a week after I had found a safe place to stay at until I got back on my feet, we met up and went for a drive. During that drive he told me that he had slept with one of his coworkers the night that he broke up with me. I told him that I had had suspicions of him liking this woman and he had promised me that he did not cheat on me with her, didn't have sex, didn't kiss her, nothing. He claimed that he was so proud of this. About 2 weeks after he promised me that, he admitted that he had kissed her before he left me. I was extremely pissed. Not only was I right about it, but he had also lied to me about it. For about the past 10 days, he's been staying at my apartment, I told him that I would try to work things out and see how it would go. Then one night, he had said that he would only be gone for a couple of hours. He said that he had to go see his ex's kid cuz she wasn't taking it to well that he wouldn't be in her life anymore. She's 3 years old. He finally got home the next day in the afternoon. He claimed that the kid fell asleep in his lap and that he fell asleep too. The next time that he said he'd only be gone for a couple hours was to tell his roommate that he had to find a new place to live. Well, once again he didn't come home until 5 am. And mind you, both times he left was around 5 pm. He told me that he had instead gone to another friend's house and decided he was not ready to tell his roommate and that he had passed out on the couch at that friend's houses. And now tonight, he has been gone since about 515 pm and it's going on 9 pm here. He said that he had to drive out to Amenia (half hour away) and get his hat from his ex. He said that he wouldn't be gone for too long. I just have this gut feeling that says that he's lying to me or not telling me the truth about something, yet when I told him this, he swore that he wasn't. He also goes into another room and closes the door whenever he gets a phone call. Or if he was in living room talking to someone and I walked in through front door, he would bee-line to the bedroom and close the door immediately. I spoke to one of my friends about this and he said that it sounded like I was being played and he told me that I should be careful with the next steps that I take. I just want to know if there is any possibility of getting him to tell me the truth or for me to get rid of these feelings. But I also want to know if anyone's been in this situation and if they think that I should just end it now?
Wow. There's a lot going on in this relationship. Sorry that you've had such a tough go of it all. That's a long time to consistently invest in someone who seems to have always had at least one, if not both feet out the door.
"I just want to know if there is any possibility of getting him to tell me the truth or for me to get rid of these feelings"
This guys has proven he's not all that interested in truth. As for feelings, well, the way to get "rid" of them is by addressing them, feeling them and healing them.
This guy can't save you from your feelings. He cannot heal you. Even if he sat you down right now and told you the truth about everything, he has still been a very bad boyfriend - to put it as mildly as possible. You have to heal you and make you whole. THEN you find another whole person and create amazing lives together.
You cannot trust this person. He's not good for you right now, and maybe never was, and maybe never will be, but it will be very hard to figure that out until you can know for sure that YOU are good for you before you go getting involved with people who will take advantage of the fact that you don't make good decisions for yourself.
You're being played in my opinion. And likely have always been by this jerk.
Take some time for you. You deserve way better from yourself and others. And once you realize that, you'll be much less likely to get involved with people like him in any way, even as friends.
Best to you. Be well.
Why are you allowing this behaviour? You know exactly what's going on with him and I assume you've come to this forum to be encouraged to do what you know you have to...time to kick him to the curb babiegurl and this time make sure he stays there!!