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BUMMER

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Relationship advice Hi,
I am still really bummed about my bf of 14yrs punching me out last week end. Its been a week now and my jaw is still swollen with a knot in it. I am hoping its not permanent. He has never did this or hit or punched me before. And i did open handed slap him upside the head first. But only because he kept going on and on about stupid stuff. Like coming back late with His car, and not answering his one phone call. Big deal. Then when i came back he kept on and on about where his stuff was at. Were talking about colored paper and old magazines. i told him i just moved them across the room because i was cleaning. And gave them back to him. He still had a real nasty disposition and kept his mouth going saying things to make me mad. And it did and i know that smacking him upside the head open handed was a BIG MISTAKE. omg i could nt believe it . He stood up looked me in the eye, made a full fist with his hand and pow punched me in the jaw full force. I am surprised I did nt fall to the ground. Somehow i was still standing . But what a blow. I really did not expect this from him at all. Even if ? I know I was wrong to do so. But geeze like repressed anger or something. Now he is acting like I am the Bad Guy saying I started it. Telling all our friends that I started it so comments like well you deserve it. I really do not want anyone to know, but it is not like i can hide it. It sticks out like a sore thumb. I am going through Menopause and everything seems off. Or out of sorts. I feel like i am 102 yrs old. My circle of friends is changing also. Maybe I have grown out of them. But the timing of all this together is pushing me over the edge. And what do you expect. Even a "maybe you should go to the doctor for some hormones or meds to help with your mood swings." Great gee thanks. This really threw me for a loop. And rang my bell, needless to say? You really do feel dazed for a couple of days. I want to be gone already but have to come up with some money to move. Now that i am older and this is my second "transition" in life, a

lot of my friends and family are Done helping me. which is ok i guess whatever. So it was either a shelter the street or lurk around here until i can make a run for it. at least just a storage or something.I can probably move in with my 26 yr old Son. But Son is also going through some painful suffering from a previous auto accident.l As well as custody disputes and court proceedings regarding his child. Who is only 10 months old. So that is really affecting me also. And i also care for an elderly women part time who has dementia.So I hope my jaw goes down soon. That i am not disfigured for the rest of my life. He could act a little more sincere too about being sorry. And i am sick for missing or wanting any sympathy or compassion understanding from him. why ?? What am i thinking doing. I need to get far far away from him as fast as i can. Its just most women my age want some security etc. not to be back in survival mode AGAIN. I do not have the resources will or desire to go through such major changes again and all at once. I wish i could just give up or go up in a puff of smoke. poof

BUMMER

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Hi, Punch. First of all, I'm sorry you're going through such an incredibly painful experience. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

I'll start with the hitting. You both hit, you were both wrong, and I'm sure (hope) you both know that. People hit when they don't know how to process and express their feelings productively. I'm not going to go into a blame game here, or try to deconstruct what I think happened, because 14 years of a shifting/evolving dynamic is far too much to address appropriately. I also think that either of you engaging in any sort of blame game isn't productive at this point. Probably both taking responsibility for your own actions and keeping your focus on yourselves right now is how you'll be able to even begin to sift through and make sense of the rest.

What I will offer is this - Your friends and family may be more likely to help you if you are sincerely willing to make some changes. when you say they are "done helping" you, it seems like they're tired of the run-around. They want to see that their efforts and love are appreciated and that you're going to make healthy choices and changes!! They love you and have tried to help you, and maybe feel that you took advantage of their help and went back to the same old same crap and they got tired of it. So, I suggest you focus on healing your relationship with yourself and entwine that with healing the relationships with your family and friends.

I agree that going to your son, is possibly not the best, but if it becomes a last resort, then that's better to do temporarily than to stay where you are. There needs to be space between you and your bf, for either of you to get anywhere with this and you're wise to recognize that.

What are your thoughts?

BUMMER

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"I need to get far far away from him as fast as i can." Good for you for realizing this!

"I do not have the resources will or desire to go through such major changes again .. ." Yes, you do.

Go to a shelter and get yourself healed and let them help you get a plan of action.

Good luck!

BUMMER

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A man punching a woman is never okay, regardless of anything else and a guy who doesn't even feel bad for it will likely go further. Get out and make the point that that kind of behaviour is in no way okay with you.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0