How to Carefully Mend The Pieces
The thing is, in most cases, the guy expects the girl to drop everything and everyone in her life. He expects her to be there for him 100% of the time whenever he needs her or feels lonely. But when he gets the chance to go out, he will not miss a beat to take up the opportunity without a second glance at the girl who has missed out on so much just for him. He will be too busy to even let her know about anything that is going on, and leave her behind to rot all alone. Not so much as a thought about her while he is out. He is full of double standards and has a huge ego.
The problem now is, how is the girl going to put her life back together again - the one that she took apart just so it will comply with her (used to be) guy's needs. How can she take good care not to misstep as she goes about fixing the broken pieces of her life? One wrong step and I know she will fall apart, being in the fragile state that she is in already.
By the way, she only held on for this long because she needs his help to get her savings back. She needs to be nice to him after a certain amount of time or he will not help her and she gets screwed in so many ways. She would love it if the relationship can be fixed. but it seems pretty hopeless now. If there is still hope and how so, I would love to know. If not, then what needs to be done and how to mend the broken pieces carefully?
Ahh yes, the old "creating a new reality" phase of life. Elessana,
"The thing is, in most cases, the guy expects..." - maybe true, maybe not - clearly this has been "her" experience so far, or she wouldn't be thinking this way. Maybe one way to discontinue this dynamic is by recognizing how she participated in creating it. She made a lot of sacrifices. He didn't. So, in the future, make sure she keeps her friends and activities as high a priority as seeing the next guy she's interested in. Establish healthy boundaries from the jump. Continue making plans with her friends, make plans with the new guy and honor all her commitments. Don't stop being interested or bail on her friends, just because there's a new love interest in her life that's a lot more exciting and fun to do than hang out with your ol' buddies! Maintain!
"...how is the girl going to put her life back together again.." - By reconnecting with friends and family. By re-engaging in activities that she enjoys. By processing through her feelings, self-reflection and acknowledging her role in creating the dynamic that she's found recurring in her life. Owning what's hers to own and recognizing what isn't and letting go. Taking full responsibility for her happiness and fulfillment.
"She's holing on to get her savings back." This is a little dicey... and inconsistent. Is she holding on because she'd like to improve the relationship, or is she holding on to get her savings back? You said both, so a little clarity here would be helpful.
How can she take good care not to misstep as she goes about fixing the broken pieces of her life?"
Learn from the past. Recognize the warning signs by honestly looking at what happened in the relationship. Making good judgment about the men she meets (their qualities, value system and how they treat women).Taking care of yourself, financially. Not repeating the past. Remembering the pain. Look forward to the future.
Perhaps a counselor or life coach can help in these areas.
Good luck! In spite of your heartache, you sound very resilient.