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Depression

Posted by
ASH420
on Jan 18 2015 at 04:55
Member since: 18 January 2015
Relationship advice Now days I am feeling very depressed. Actually I have a love feeling for my best friend. We are friends since 2010. After few months of our friendship, I proposed her. But then she denied. She had given explanation that she didn't want to get into any relation ship with anyone. After that many times I had told her about my feelings. But each time I had to face disappointment. Last year in the month of March, she told me that she had love feeling for one of her friend. Listing the same, I got broke fully and could not myself to express my sorrow with her.Many times I had suggested her to tell about her feeling to the person, she loved.

Now I am living dual life. I am the person who is her best friend and 2nd I am the one who loved her a lot. As she consider me as her best friend, I don't tell her about my sorrow because I know she will get hurt. She talks me daily over phone. She shares almost all the things with me. Now we have become habitual of talking daily with each other. But each day I am feeling depressed and painful by thinking that she doesn't love me but can love someone else. When she told me about her feeling for someone else, I started comparing myself with that other guy, whom she loves. I found that there is nothing in which I can feel myself equal to that guy, whom she loves. I have totally lost my self confidence. I becomes afraid whenever I have to talk to any person. I want to get rid of my sorrow, my pain. ..

Depression

Reply from
UNNAMED
on Jan 18 2015 at 08:19
Member since: 01 June 2014
Boy man, I can totally relate to you in this instance. I once had a friend who I never realized would become someone very dear to me. Someone who would manage to get me to lower my guard and mistrust of everyone around me and allow her in. It took her a full year before I finally relented and agreed to call her "friend" and be there for her whenever she needed me.

She was having relationship problems with her boyfriend and I volunteered to be there for her. Whenever he wasn't. Just as a shoulder and ear. I taught her how to have patience and how to heal their relationship which they still have to this day and a child. She taught me that not everyone is disdainful as I thought originally and how to hold a girls hand without recoiling at someone else's touch.

I never once told her how deeply she meant to me and how she affected my life but I did know that it didn't matter because my role and duty was as her friend. Someone to be that break from the world that she was having to go through. When she needed to be rescued from a party or work she called me because I wouldn't let a door or anyone get in my way to help her despite my disgust of social gatherings and being in public in general.

Have you ever heard of this quote? "qué será, será" It means, "whatever will be, will be." I understood that our friendship went no further than that. Because I didn't want to betray her like that she had already chosen someone else. I was only helping her get him back because in a way I loved her and wanted her sincerely happy. But every time I was with her I was in agony. lol

Now with your friend, be her council. Her protector when she needs it, (DO NOT OVER REACH THE BOUNDARIES OF PROTECTION) she has to make her own choices but I believe its ok to stop someone from doing something extremely stupid without them 100% sure that they know what they're going to do. But you must still let them do it. Be the haven where she can turn to and be absolutely safe without judgement of any of her choices or actions. Listen and learn from her, remember so you can help her keep and maintain the relationship she is in (assuming it remains healthy). Be happy for her because she is happy. Be everything she needs not what you want nor what she wants. Be almost like a body guard, a body guard serves the needs not the persons wants. But don't become oppressive always remember that folks have the right to choose.

From my experience if you do that with honest intentions and integrity. You will have the pain to a degree but the feelings of accomplishment, value, and confidence will outweigh that pain. Get to the point where you can honestly shake that other guys hand and be happy for the two of them. I've done it multiple times with her bf and it was difficult but I was happy to know what kind of guy was taking my place... Also who I'd be tracking if he did something way out of line... lol jk

Yea anyway thats my imput-take it or leave it.

Depression

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 18 2015 at 14:59
Member since: 27 December 2013
Ash - time to let go of this intense "friendship" over time. Why? Because it causes you much pain.

There are many girls who would love to become friends, first, then more, to you. How will you find another girl if you spend so much time with this girl, who does not feel the same way?

This girl has made her choice. Let her see if he is everything she wants. Let her discover that over time.

Talk to her only 2 times per week. Tell her you are moving on to find you a special girl.

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