Hi, I've been with my fiance for ten years now, we've had our ups and downs but otherwise we're incredibly strong.
There has been one issue that used to be a really really big problem for me. He has a porn addiction. He used to keep
Clip outs of women in his wallet, no photo of me I'll tell you that. I'd constantly find women's names written on paper
So he could Google them later for more content. I'd constantly find it. I have pretty low self esteem and this kind of
Thing hurt me a lot. Every photo I found made me feel like I wasn't enough. Pretty enough, sexy enough, busty enough, sexual enough.
I later found out his father had a very detrimental porn addiction that led into cheating, keeping an entire family out
Of city and sexually harassing underage girls in public. I was constantly worried that my hubby would get worse.
After buying a tablet I stopped coming across books and such, it was all digital. Out of site out of mind, sort of. I tried to come
To terms with it. I mean, I have a collection of about 30 pics. It's fine to masturbate, especially if I'm not around.
I tried, hard, to let it go. To not have a breakdown about it. To hope for the best.
Tonight while searching for a movie I came across a folder on his comp, it led to 60,000 photos and videos. This is a backup
To his phone. I couldn't stop myself, I deleted them and I feel sick. My stomach hurts and everything I've pushed back is coming up.
60,000 isn't a normal number. This isn't healthy masturbation habits. To get that number he'd have to be looking almost daily.
Do I even have the right to tell him to delete his base collection? Not that it would stop him from getting more. I've expressed
Countless times over the years how much this destroys me inside. I don't know what to do. I'm scared this could escalate like his father. I try to stop the feelings, to close it up and push it away. But I can't stop crying and I feel betrayed. Am I being unreasonable?
Live with it (ignore this behavior, laugh it off0
Leave it (leave this sex-obsessed fool)
or Change (but it sounds like He's not going to, though)
PS Was he abused as a child?
This is happening to me too. Although my fiance tells me when he does it and I ask him pretty much every night about it. He understands he has an addiction, he told me when we first started going out. I convinced him to get therapy for it which he is currently doing. His father was addicted to porn and his parents divorced because of it which i don't want happening to me.
I understand exactly what you are feeling, i feel the same. I have depression and low self-esteem so porn isn't helping anything. I understand the feelings of betrayal and hating my body.
I have done research with him about porn addiction and for him it isn't to do with the woman. It is the dopamine that is released in brain when they watch it which gives them a high. I have tried to think about it in this way. You should talk to him about how it is destroying you. That's the best advice i can give until he admits he has an addict an wants to change then change will happen hopefully.
Like LC2 says this is an addiction, living with anyone who is addicted to something, drugs/alcohol/porn is not healthy. How can you have a normal relationship with this demanding 'third person' in your relationship? You need to talk seriously about this but also consider the fact that yu can't make someone get help until they realise they have a problem (heard the expression you can lead a horse to water?). It may be that you will be better off and healthier emotionally without him and losing you may make him realise that he has a problem. If not do you want to be with someone who puts porn above you in their priorities?? Just something to think about
I do feel sorry for you as I was a porn addict. I was arrested for having pictures of young girls on my computer, which were not porn but were from a website that was being monitored and I got picked up. I am serving my sentence and the addiction has been cleared by the immense shock and results of what has happened to me and my family. I do hope he won't be arrested however good his computer security is - it happens and the repercussions from that are horrendous believe me.
I am trying to say that the addiction can be cured with good advice, common sense, will power and lashings of support. No easy, but I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
It is not you that should feel down, he is an addict he was most probably exposed from a young age, ask him about how he started and to stop is not easy at all it is harder to a porn than cocaine he needs to stop for a period of at least 90 days but he can work towards it slowly read up about this addiction and watch videos on YouTube and you will see it is not you and a much bigger problem for him than you think so get support groups and him to realize it is an addiction. Read this book called "mind power into the 21 century" and try apply those concepts to this situation