There's this boy - advice needed
I'm 15 years old, and I'm in 10th grade. There's this boy that I've known since elementary school. We've always kinda been friends, but not very close.
Last year (9th grade) we kinda started talking. I kinda liked him, and I knew he liked me. Unfortunately, some of my friends didn't think as highly of him as I did. They told me some things about him that weren't necessarily true. I didn't automatically believe them, but I asked him about them. It made him angry that I asked him, and he stopped talking to me. I was upset, but I moved on over the summer.
At the end of the summer, just before our sophomore year started, he texted me and told me that he was really sorry about how he acted and he wanted us to go back to the way we were. So we did.
A month or so went on, and we kept talking, but we never really hung out. Then, the week before homecoming, he decided he wanted to ask me. But before he asked me officially, he asked me what I would say. I said "No, that's cheating. You have to ask me for real and see what happens."
I fully intended on saying yes.
That afternoon as he walked me outside, he asked "What are some of your favorite things, so I can put them on a poster and ask you to homecoming?"
I told him I didn't want a big deal, I just wanted him to ask me.
But he said "No, I'm bringing a poster."
I'm not a big flashy person. I don't like standing up in front of people and making a big deal of stuff. I'm embarrassed easily. That night, he asked me if he'd made me angry. I said no, I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it. This proceeded in him getting kinda angry at me.
Then, OVER TEXT MESSAGE, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him no. He asked why, and I said it was because we didn't really know each other as anything more than friends, and I wanted to get to know him as more before we officially dated.
He went on to argue with me about how that isn't fair and logical, and maybe it wasn't.
So then, I pulled out the fact that he had a HUGE crush on my friend Cassidy, and he only started liking me because she turned him down.
It was very immature of me, because his crush on Cassidy was over a year ago, and I know it hurt him when she turned him down.
He got mad at the fact that i mentioned her, and stopped talking to me.
He didn't talk to me at school. He didn't respond to my text messages.
This was about 3 months ago.
A few weeks ago, I had a photoshoot for a school sports team where he lifeguards. While I was there, me and him talking a lot. I apologized about how immature I acted. I told him that I had never really dated before, so I was awkward with it. I also tild him that I was a self-sabotager. I saw something good and it scared me so I messed it up. I was also going through a very complicated and emotional situation with my best friend that he didn't know about.
He said he understood, and he was sorry.
I told him that I wanted to go back to the way things were between us. He said that we could start from friends and move our way up. I agreed. This was about 4-5 weeks ago.
So we've been texting and talking some at school. Before, I wasn't ready to date him. Now I am. I really like him, more than I did before. I've tried to hint at us hanging out or something, because he can drive now. He's keeping us at friends, and I'm more than ready to be more than that. I don't even know if he still likes me in that way or not. I want him to though.
It's upsetting, but understandable. Before, he wanted to be more than friends, and I didn't. Now it's opposite. I'm frustrated, but I realize that that's how he was probably feeling two months ago.
I just don't know what to do. I've apologized and hinted so so much. Any advice?
Look, first of all, if you want him to like you, you should try to please him... Remember he had done the same two months ago and you didn't reciprocate. Now its your chance to do your job.
Also, you need to control your anger/embarrassment. If there is something that you didn't like about what he does, tell him so, very calmly and politely, don't make a facial expression that makes him say sorry straightaway.
Make him happy and give him assurance. He should be comfortable to talk about his problems with you, along with his joys in life.
Be optimistic. You don't know about his present feelings...maybe he likes you and is mentally scared to get rejected again...give him your time and support and you will see that he will one day confess his feelings to you, confidently...
Also you both don't need to say sorry to each other for every other thing. Where there is strong relationship, there is no 'thank you' or 'sorry' ...
I see red flags all through your post Bailey. This guy does not sound ready for a girlfriend. He consistently gets annoyed over something and sulks, not a good quality in a boyfriend believe me. Especially as your apologies, which by the way are hardly required, are not acceptable to him until he's gotten over his pride being hurt.
I'm sure if you like this guy you won't like my appraisal of him but girlie your instinct to get to know him first were not self sabotaging but self protection. If only other 15 year olds had your wisdom! He clearly showed he didn't know you and what you like when he was trying to ask you out, has he bothered to get to know you properly since?