My life is full of problems...please help me...
I am 17-year-old r* from India, who had posted about her problem earlier too (under the subject 'abuse'), but didn't get any satisfactory reply from anyone. Maybe no one in this world has solutions to my problems.
You may be thinking that what problems do I have? I face parental physical abuse (they bang my head on anything they find, and a bump is formed on my head, which pains for weeks), parental emotional abuse (there has not been a single day in my life, since childhood, when I have not been taunted, scolded or called names), bullying (I have become so foolish that along with people older than me and of same age as me, even some children younger than me make fun of me and I am not able to reply back to them properly, leading to more mockery of me), restrictions (of all forms, especially because of my parents), isolation (no one likes to spend time with me for long) and failure (since childhood, I had a great hunger for success, but never got any, in any field of life).
I had talked to my only friend a*, who could also do nothing else, other than consoling me. My younger brother or other relatives don't even sympathize or support me...
Well, talking of my bro, he lives an emperor's life and I live almost like his servant. All these years of torture has consumed all my talents and the desire to succeed.
And thus, you people are my last hope, otherwise I have no option left other than suicide....please help
me...please help this unfortunate and unlucky teen.....
I 've read this and the previous text that you 've posted.
Your situation is very difficult because you have been physically and emotionally abused.
R you are unlucky, NOT weak or uncapable of doing things. Your parents are two people who werent meant to be parents and they shouldn't. They abuse a child-teenager emotionally and physically, which is unacceptable. So, don't believe that they have a good judgement or that they have the right to judge you. Don't forget that you must be strong. We arent born being strong, we develop ourselves. Your parents and your surroundings haven't helped you at all, so remember that you should help yourself. If you can't have a healthy conversation with your parents, try to create some bonds with others. You should make them respect you and listen to you. This means that you should respect yourself and do things or say things that show that you should be respected. There must be at least one thing that your parents or your similar aged people appreciate on you. If you cant find, then create something. Think about what would you like to tell to someone if he/she is mocking you. If that happens, tell it. You ll be honest and even if they don't respect you, you already showed respect to yourself so thats a first step. You can't change things instantly. You must be methodic.
I really don't know how the situation is in your region, so I hope that I dont write too much nonesense. However, I try to persue you that you are unlucky and not a fooler. You have rights and the first step closer to them is to trust yourself and respect yourself. Others will notice is sooner or later.
I 've searched a little bit and I found helplines/childlines in India. Why don't you try this? R, no one should be abused, NO ONE. You are dealing with a VERY unhealthy situation. And you MUST seek help. We shouldn't have obligations to people that has caused so much pain. I know it sounds harsh, but thats reality. A helpline will help you because you will discuss. It's a way out. Find a way and do it. Would you ever go to police?
Thanks a lot, RYAMIL
Your valuable suggestions of respecting and trusting myself, will be followed by me, from this very instant. I wish there were people like you in my region, so that I could share my problems with them and be happy their company atleast...
But, nevermind, getting such replies from people like you makes me believe that there is still hope for humanity...because people in my region have crushed my hope...
Well, talking of childlines, there is not much support in India, but in countries like US,UK etc. And there is nothing to talk about police, as there is no support for abused teens here....
I am sorry to hear that helplines dont offer much support. However, I guess they exist for some reason so I suggest trying to contact one of those.
So, if you went to the police they would do absolutely nothing? Is that situation common where you live?
R it is important to believe in yourself even if you crush many times during your life. Life is full of obstacles, full of dilemmas, full of pain and bad emotions but there are other things that mentain the balance. Try to focus on those things. I know it sounds very theoretical when you deal with unhealthy situations everyday, but its the only way to build a stable character and let yourself enjoy things. Life is a constant race. Others have to run in low pace to keep life inside them alive, but others must make an efford and run faster. Maths and statistics say that is highly impossible for you not to find one single person that will respect and understand you. Have faith in that. There many people out there. It doesnt mean that you have met all of them if you were in touch only with some of your cycle. Besides, you never know how things will turn out.
I have to add that even if you have a weird background with lots of tension, you seem intelligent and subtle. You seeked for suggestions, you asked for help and I find this as a very good starting point. You also undestand how important it is to believe in you and you also realise how important it is to have people close to you. You somehow have the urge to change things and you seem like you don't have anger. You know, you shouldnt take that for granted. If you had anger and if you were rude it would be very difficult to be respected and helped by others. Appreciate that little traits that you have. Think of those moments that make you feel alive and think of how you might feel when you are much older and survived of all this unhealthy surroundings. Imagine that. That will make you feel alive and appreciated.
You are absolutely right, RYAMIL...
But the problem is that the age for all this has passed....During my childhood days, I used to do all of what you are suggesting to me, but as time passed and things changed for the worse, I became more and more depressed of my fate. I sometimes thought that maybe I am not that capable of satisfying my parents and they are tired of me as they had expectations.... I followed their rules and regulations (what they call discipline), without a word. I quietly restricted myself from everything as my parents said: friends, relatives, happiness and even my freedom... But they were never satisfied... they never encouraged or complimented me for my obedience, instead brushed it off, saying its just a duty that I am fulfilling. On the other hand, my younger brother was lucky, as he didn't have to do any 'duty'... I took it in my stride and quietly adjusted.... but he was a clever boy and took great advantage of his parents' unconditional love towards him... and tortured me along with his parents, with his sly tactics. Also, he performed well in his studies, unlike me, who was deteriorating each day, thanks to my circumstances....
I grew up to be an extremely scared, introvert and conservative person, who was afraid to share her secrets with anyone. Then, as a teen, I could not control my anger for so long, as I used to do in my childhood days... If a situation arose where I was not at fault but still scolded/beaten, I would go against them and not listen quietly, to prove myself right. But, then their behaviour towards me also underwent a great change, for the worst ever...
I realized that now there is no choice, other than quietly get habituated to this, as nothing will improve... I know my fate will only be this and nothing better. On one hand, my bro's life is getting set and on the other hand, my life is getting destroyed completely...now nothing will improve...NOTHING.....
When situations got intolerable, I came forward to request an outsider to help, anonymously, with my relatives unaware of it. This is where Peoples Problems comes into play. And thus, here I am seeking help from people who can empathize with me and give me their valuable suggestions...
So I request everyone to please post your valuable suggestions to help unfortunate and unlucky people like me...
P.S.: RYAMIL, please tell me what made you think that I am intelligent? Let me tell you I have lost all of my intelligence in all these years... there is nothing left in me for others to compliment now....
I won't comment over any of the crux because RYAMIL has got an excellent handle on that, but regarding the taunts you receive even from younger children.
Imagine a machine stood on the pavement/sidewalk featuring an interesting-looking button. You go up to it and press it to see what it'll do. If it yields a nasty electric shock, there is no way in hell you'll want to press it again.
Are you capable of doling out an electric shock? If not, here's the alternative:
You go up to it and press it to see what it'll do. ........Nothing happens. Nothing whatsoever. Your presence and actions go completely unacknowledged, let alone reacted to. No squeak, no beep, no product appearing out of it... NOTHING. You might try it again. And then again. But if STILL nothing happens, you have no reason to ever want to try to press it again. No point.
IF, however, when you press it, you get a tiny beep or flicker of a flashing light, that encourages you to think that if you just press harder or even give it a really hard whack, it might start to yield something.
Either react full force or don't react whatsoever - either/or, no variation. Total consistency. Those are the best two ways of stopping bullies whenever faced with them when on your own.
Hope that helps.
Thanks, SOULMATE, you explained to me wonderfully with an nice example...
But, the thing is that I don't have the capability to react with full force. As I said earlier, all this requires strength and intelligence, which I don't have any.
So I had chosen the second option, that is, not reacting whatsoever the bullies say. I ignored anyone who tried to taunt or bully me. This happened for several days. They stopped bullying me for some time. But, the other people, including some of my friends, who viewed this incident, stopped talking to me. When I asked them the reason for this, they said that they can't include a loser in their group, who doesn't care what people say about her. They said it will tarnish their image and thus, had decided to end friendship with me. They were already hesitant in keeping friendship with me, a person who doesn't talk about interesting things, who is a geek, who doesn't go to parties or sleepovers with them, and, who doesn't have fun with them... So you see, I lost most of my friends because of all this...
The next time I was bullied, I reacted with full force, in the best way I could. But, even that didn't go well, because I instead, had made a joke of myself. At home, I cried. I was angry at myself, at my foolishness, but no one came to console me, no one gave me suggestions to help me...
Thus, neither of the options worked out for me...
This is just one of many painful experiences that I have undergone in my life...
Thus, whatsoever I do to please anyone, no one is ever satisfied/comfortable with me, I don't know what to do....please help...
Hello? anyone there? No reply from anyone?
Does nobody have solutions to my problems?
I'm sure they do, only things do tend to go quiet at the weekend. I myself will be able to post again tomorrow.
The first thing to stop doing is trying to please people. Do your role-based duties, yes (daughter, sibling, pupil). But seek approval - no.
If anyone says anything to insult and criticise you, try either not reacting (as above) or, if you really can't hold your peace, verbally dismissing them (same thing) with, 'Well, try not to let it keep you awake at night', in a perfectly neutral tone of voice before merrily walking off. The latter is just another way of saying and proving, I don't give a sh*t WHAT you think - now or ever. The obvious inference regarding Why is because YOU RATE YOU, YOU LOVE YOUR OWN COMPANY thus don't even NEED anyone else. As Whitney sang: "I'd rather be alone than unhappy". That attitude, ironically enough, is precisely what achieves the opposite to alone/lonely.
What's wrong and hasn't been working here is you judging yourself through everyone else's eyes, trying to please so many of them, to make them all like you, and then ending up not pleasing *anyone*... least of all yourself. And that's a logical result if you think about it because it's tantamount to you trying to cook multiple meals on multiple stoves: NONE of the meals are going to taste good; in fact, they'll probably all end up burnt and lumpy. Start by pleasing *yourself*, being a friend to *yourself*. Do only all the things that you find enjoyable and learn to love your own company.
Once you achieve that, who you are as gets radiated by your vibe will then become very clear and powerful (at the moment it's muddy..or jumbled, if you prefer). Your vibe will contain elusive data showing a very clear-cut persona, whereupon other likemindeds will automatically start to be drawn to you and want to regularly spend time in your company. That's how it works. People can 'smell' it, same as they can smell fear.
Meanwhile, cease forgetting that this world has a higher meaning and contains much more going on than we mammals have day-to-day senses for. Think philosophically thus see this for what it is: a gauntlet run... you being put through your paces in a psychological/spiritual gym in order to really toughen you up. For what, you won't/aren't allowed to know yet, because that would give you artificial motivation whereas the point of this life exercise is to see what you're made of in terms of FAITH in the world and in life and test your **self-made** motivation, aka your intrinsic mettle. But it'll become clear when it's ready to. When YOU'RE ready for it.
Trust me: no-one but NO-ONE picks on anyone ordinary. They pick on people they feel are or could be a threat to them somehow. It's a way to keep you down or take you down a peg or two. The proof therefore exists about you being special, a cut above the average, but simply having yet to find your power by getting to find out how you tick inside and out and how and what to enhance.
Stuff them. They had their chance. It's your turn now. All of that attention and concentration you used to dole out amongst them is now ALL FOR YOU. If they love the radiance you come out of this exercise with, that's their business. You might let them hang around to absorb your brilliance, you might not... But in terms of a deliberate life challenge, be grateful that you got off lightly with a set of hefty dumbbells of merely a social nature rather than something someone like you might have found even more serious and self-testing.
Try to imagine and get excited about what that eventual life reward and/or promotion could possibly be, bearing in mind how all the things really worth having in life are never easy to achieve, instead requiring whatever befitting period of blood, sweat and tears in the run-up, and meanwhile make these your mantras: "This, too, shall pass" + (from Finding Nemo) "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" + "No pain, No gain".
Could take just 6 more months, could take another year or two years. But the longer it takes, the more toil it takes. And the greater the toil, the more massive the reward. :-)
She who laughs last laughs longest.
Hey, nice to meet you. I'm new to this site, so I'm not sure if my advice would be helpful.
Let me just say that I'll agree with what the previous contributors put. Don't let their derogatory remarks get to you. Believe in yourself, and others aren't worth it.
I think that you facing bullying and parent abuse is really serious, and you should get attention. I've had a few friends who went through bullying, and I really hate not being able to help them. But their situations improved when they moved to a new school.
For bullying, maybe moving to a new school would help? But if you can't because of your parents, them that's a no go.
I really do agree with the hotline advice. I don't know how good the service is, but if the organizations you've went to didn't help, go to a well known organization. Local ones aren't really big on reputation, and there's no way of knowing if they would help.
So contact different hotlines.
And I've done a little research, and it seems child abuse is an issue I your country that isn't getting enough attention in my opinion. Because of this, I think you should try international hotlines if the ones in india don't help.
Whatever you do, don't lose hope. There will be a solution. Keep your spirits up, distract yourself with something. Just don't give in.
So my choir advice is to contact international hotlines. There's this one website that has that, I think it's called chiworld.org? Just keep searching for help.
And I'll come back with more advice. You're not alone.
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
These are for a US hotline, but the website says they provide emotional support and will help you find the best people to go to in your area.
Thanks a lot, both SOULMATE and CHIRPY,
Both of you are absolutely right! I have been tolerating all this since many years and will continue doing so till all these problems end. I am believing in myself and won't lose hope until a ray of hope is seen by me....
But, when I think practically, I don't think I have a bright future. All this turmoil has made me lose almost everything. And talking of international organizations, some weeks ago, I had sent a message to Childline UK to get suggestions from them, but didn't get any reply....
So you see, how helpless I am from all sides.....
SUSIEDQQQ, if I had the financial support to live somewhere else, wouldn't I have gone from this madhouse long ago...
Unfortunately, there is no one, who can provide me financial support and thus, here I am, facing all this torture since many years...
I see what you mean.
To be honest, I think waiting out a problem won't help. You've been waiting this out for years.
SUSIEDQQQ has a point. I don't really like saying this, but you might want to get away from there....
I don't know how (escaping through railroads is scary, so NO WAY) but the constant abuse is not good.
Chiworld takes a few days to reply by email. Try calling, to get a faster response.
If still nothing happens, then I'm guessing running away is the only option?
Or you could try leaving your identity and pretend to not remember anything about your family. Then go to this organization that rescues runaways. (Their centers are at bottom of their webpage, and try one that doesn't cover your area do there's less chance of return) Don't tell them anything about where you live, so they don't send you back. They place the kids they can't return into welfare, apparently.
But this is risky, because if by some stroke of luck, your family finds you there and gets you back, the abuse might increase?
I REALLY WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THIS THOUGH. THIS IS ONLY A LAST DITCH OPTION, OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.
Keep looking for help, try more hotlines, but if the situation worsens....
CHIRPY, what you said is not possible in India...
You see, the reasons are:
1) This is not a indian TV serial that I run away from house, and some random people request me to let them help me. So, where will I go? No money, no financial support, nothing...What will I do?
2) If I run away from house, my so-called parents will certainly find me and the abuse will be worse than the present one (I am not able to bear this, how will I be able to face the worst?)
3) My image in the society is already bad (due to the false accusations of my parents), how can I worsen it?
See, out of about 150 children who run away from their homes in India, only about 10 children reach their destination. The lives of other 140 children gets completely ruined. So you see, it is that difficult...
So, by 'LAST OPTION', do you mean I have no hope? Please don't say so... Please help me...please....
Sorry about that, I didn't understand your situation fully.
When I said last option, I only meant if that was possible. There are other options, but when I said lady option, I meant if you already used those other options up. You still have a lot of options and thus hope. I'm sorry if I made you get disappointed.
But I still think you should at least each out to an organization in person. If you show up physically, it should stress how bad the issue is.
And how far does your parent's influence spread?
Okay, I am clearly not the best person to go to when it's about serious issues.
But maybe you should talk to someone who has been through abuse when they were kids and get advice. I'll find someone and bring them to this post. Around four hours from now, since I'm in school. I promise I'll get someone, I'll do my best effort.
Center for Child Protection
747 52nd Street
Oakland, CA 94609
747 52nd Street
Oakland, CA 94609
This guy is apparently an expert who also went through child abuse, if I read correctly. If you call him, he could give you advice, even if he's in the US.
And do you have access to a phone with long distance calls? If you don't, I'll try calling him for you and having him go to this site.
Thanks a lot CHIRPY, for all this help, but I don't think I have access to long distance calls...
I will be really grateful to you if you could try calling him for me and having him come to this site...
P.S.: I wish I was born in the US, then my life wouldn't have been so tough....
(Impressive level of concern and efforts, Chirpy, well done! :-))
Here you go, R - Childline in India: http://www.childlineindia.org.in/1098/1098.htm
Contact phone number (100% free to use and just four, easy, memorable digits from anywhere): 1098
Contact email: [e-mail address removed]
"In 1996, CHILDLINE India Foundation (CIF) launched CHILDLINE, the country's first toll-free tele-helpline for street children in distress. As of March 2014, total of 31 Million calls since inception have been serviced by CHILDLINE service and operates in 291 cities/districts in 31 States and UTs through its network of over 540 partner organisations across India.
CHILDLINE stands for a friendly 'didi' or a sympathetic 'bhaiya' who is always there for vulnerable children 24 hours of the day, 365 days of the year. 31 million calls as of March 2014, 4 million children, 291 cities, 18 years.
A phone number that spells hope for millions of children across India, CHILDLINE is India's first 24-hour, free, emergency phone service for children in need of aid and assistance. Whether you are a concerned adult or a child, you can dial 1098, the toll free number to access our services. We not only respond to the emergency needs of children but also link them to services for their long-term care and rehabilitation. We have, till date, reached out to over three million children across the nation through such calls.
CHILDLINE is a platform bringing together the Ministry of Women & Child Development, Government of India, Department of Telecommunications, street and community youth, non-profit organisations, academic institutions, the corporate sector and concerned individuals.
We work for the protection of the rights of all children in general. But our special focus is on all children in need of care and protection, especially the more vulnerable sections, which include:
Street children and youth living alone on the streets.
Child labourers working in the unorganised and organized sectors.
Domestic help, especially girl domestics.
***Children affected by physical / sexual / emotional abuse in family, schools or institutions.***
Children who need emotional support and guidance.
Children of commercial sex workers
Child victims of the flesh trade
Victims of child trafficking
Children abandoned by parents or guardians
Run away children.
Children who are victims of substance abuse
Children in conflict with the law
Children in institutions
Mentally challenged children
HIV/ AIDS infected children
Children affected by conflict and disaster
Child political refugees
Children whose families are in crises
A child - friendly nation that guarantees the rights and protection of all children."
I hope that helps, R, but if not (although I can't think why not), please don't forget that there is another entity that can take action even if you can't: Fate. All too often - *far* too often not to admit it's a reality - I myself or people I know or know of have felt as if there's nothing they can do or another person can do, 'so that's that, then', only to get the surprise of their lives when something unexpected suddenly happens, 'right out of the Blue' which either completely solves everything in one, fell swoop or puts them on the right track.
Sorry about the email censorship, but the addy is obviously featured on the website.
Okay, R, I emailed the guy. My phone bill ran out a while ago, so I'll have to call him tomorrow. With the email, he should come around a few days later, from my experience. I'll bother him with phone calls when I can. XD
Things are going to look up soon, R. We're with you.
Thanks a lot, SOULMATE and CHIRPY, for your excellent efforts and support towards me. I thank you both from the bottom of my heart...
About Childline India, I will surely call them at the month of June. The reason for not calling them now and waiting till June is that I have to appear in CBSE class 12 board examinations that take place in March. Its the most crucial test in India and no one can get any good job anywhere without a good result in these examinations.
My one mistake (if my parents somehow get to know everything) can make up my parents' mind to cancel the examination card and then everything will be finished... No examinations, no admission to any college, no job and finally no independence, that I want in my future, as I will have to stay in my parents' house and bear all this forever (I am not even sure whether they will keep me in their home for my whole life or leave me on roads).
By end of June, I think all admission formalities will be finished and I will no longer have to beg money for admission and other important stuff. Then I can call Childline India to help me...
SOULMATE, you thoughts about 'something unexpected may happen', are true, but not applicable to me because all this requires good luck, which I don't have....
Also CHIRPY, thanks for emailing the person. Hope that guy will have solutions to my problems...
12 CRUCIAL EXAMS? Tsk, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER, ya 'nana! LOL So THAT'S what Fate's up to lately! Bringing about a major life change. Previously, you were obviously too obsessed with the social side of your life (which could have proven highly detrimental). It's been wanting you to cut out ALL social interaction including dedicating ANY thoughts about other people, having in the lengthy run-up strengthened your powers of endurance and resilience to give you super-attention and -concentration skills. And because before that point it could see you wouldn't or couldn't take the hint, it switched to manoeuvring a situation where everyone was making YOU want to stay away instead. Ta-daaaa!
So it's got some utterly brilliant career (and connective offshoot events) lined up and waiting for you, meaning, you can't afford to do less than your utmost capability so need to shut yourself away in your bedroom to revise your face off with your newly acquired super-revision capability to ensure you pass the entire 12 with flying colours AND CAN LEAVE HOME, VICTORIOUS, AND NEVER HAVE TO LOOK BACK!
I'd bet my house on it! :-)
What IS your dream career? What sort of job would have you springing eagerly out of bed in the morning?
No, I think it knows your parents wouldn't want to keep you home your whole life. Be honest, they're acting like you're a pest and a pain already, correct? Well, anyway, just to be on the safe side, until those exam sheets are in front of you it's this: Yes sir, no sir, three bags full, sir... you just biding your time.
You're HAVING good luck right now but don't realise it because somehow you've got it into your head that luck in the run-up should feel great and taste lovely. Er, no. *Sometimes* it does, but more often than not - NOPE. It feels deceptively like HELL.
'To know the path ahead, ask those coming back' ("hellooooo!" :-)) Which is shorthand for, 'Stop arguing' ;-).
SOULMATE, maybe you are right...but who knows about the future? (you could also be wrong about this...)
The reason of my doubt is that, how much I study, but some or the other reason causes me to get marks which are not that good (I study upto 2-3 AM at night almost everyday). This is one of the reason that I feel that either I am utterly brainless or unlucky...
On the other hand, my bro, who just studies for an hour, gets very good marks, owing to his high level of IQ...
My dream career is computer engineer. But, somewhere in my mind I doubt that I won't be able to achieve it...I am working hard but never get the desired results, but my bro does...
You tell me what should I do?
It doesn't matter HOW much you study if your mind is taken up with trying to cope with other things, particularly negative things as make you anxious. This time round you're going to have a mind running on all available cylinders (hence why the word brain LESS) which is going to make ALL THE DIFFERENCE. But *don't* study beyond Midnight or you're defeating the object by making yourself tired the next day which is known to badly affect recall powers.
Your brother's mind isn't constantly occupied and weighted down, is it.
It's that simple.
You'd better just trust me over all of this or you'll be proving you yourself are the worst out of all your bullies. Capiche?
Stop thinking, b*gger the lot of them (you're never going to see them again, soon enough, anyway, not if you don't want to) and get, not just reading your textbooks but actually THINKING about what it is the people who wrote those books are trying to tell you (try to conjure images if it helps, since you liked that above analogy of mine). Those books are called, How Life Works (this bit over here and that bit over there). They're programming code. And, albeit a biological one - you're a computer. Your eyes are the data-inputter sat at the keyboard. That simple. If you can take in what I and everyone else has been saying you can damn well take in what they're saying.
Stop thinking now - just DO.
I think you are right...
Presently, I don't care what the bullies say or do, the thing that I am concerned about is my marks in these exams...
And if I follow what you said, I think I will surely be able to do my best...thanks for you advices....
Ohhh, yeah, baby - those aren't certificates, they're WINGS!
And you're very welcome, and in the meantime because you obviously do need a source of social interaction in amongst revising, feel free to come for a chat on your thread (someone will always be around) and/or give your left hemisphere a much-needed break by offering posters some support or advice. :-)
Soulmate is an intelligent person, listen to him/her.
Good luck and yes feel free to write here whenever you want. Besides, we are all here to help and be helped.
Yep! And make sure to get REST! Pulling all-nighters may seem helpful, but the last time I tried it, I ended up taking the test I had half asleep. I missed questions that could have boosted my grade even more. Plus, I even knew the answer to them! So it's important to be rested.
And I agree with SOULMATE. This is an opportunity. Don't let negative thoughts hinder you. Everyone is capable of passing a test, really. It's only a matter of understanding and remembering the material. There is no smart, and there is no dumb. That was my quote in a speech I gave to my graduating middle school class.
My advice is to have a positive mindset. Don't let frustration take you. Take time to understand every single piece of material you are studying.
And as for study advice, I find writing important notes and summaries on post it notes and pasting them in the textbook very helpful. Put things in your own words. Be specific but brief.
And test yourself on your textbook. Open up a random page, scan the headings. Then look away and review everything you remember about the topic. Then look the textbook and see what you remembered, if you had any mistakes, or if you missed something. Then do again until you get a satisfactory self score three times in a row.
I don't have any computer science classes, but my friends do. They rewrite the code over and over again, remember it's purpose, etc.
Thanks a lot SOULMATE, RYAMIL and CHIRPY,
Your advices will truly help me in my exams and I promise I will give my best to get very good results. (and will also rest!)
It's all because of you all, that I have got the encouragement and I won't let your efforts go waste :-)
I am very happy now, having made three faithful pen-friends :-D
You're a total sweetie. :-)
Hi friends! Sorry, I couldn't reply since my board practicals were going on and I had to study for them. But now they are over and I decided to share with you about something...
I have been staying the way you all have been telling me to. But, on the day of chemistry and computer science board practicals, I was slapped and tortured a lot (by my dad)... I thought that atleast he could leave me alone on such important days, which will determine my future, but no, he is unbelievable... I seriously felt like slapping him back and beating him until he cries and begs for forgiveness in front of me (I know that can never happen, but I wish it does...).
I managed my computer practicals quite well, but I think my chemistry practicals didn't go that good... I have always been angry at my life, my luck and my family since childhood (due to all those abuse that I have faced because of them), but I had never felt so angry or had a desire to beat them like I feel now.
The reason for my intense anger and the desire to beat them is that they knew 30% of the total board marks were allotted for practicals. Being parents, atleast they could have maintained peace for those important days. Here, I was tensed for my marks and there, they were planning an attack on me. Because of them, my 30 marks are at stake...don't know how much will I get....
Also, I wanted to tell you that my class 12 farewell is on 16th February, and we girls have to wear sarees and look good on that day.... But the problem, I am an extremely skinny girl. I tried a saree to see how I look... but I was looking like a bamboo stick wearing saree... I don't think I have any good quality in me, I don't have a good figure.... Everything I do turns out to bad...Can you tell me how can I look good in saree (for skinny people)? (I searched in internet but there was info only for fat people...) I want to look mature and be in good shape, not so skinny....I eat a balanced diet and run very fast, but I think, due to stress, I am skinny...(my bro is quite fat, because he has no stress...)
Please someone reply....
Looks like you are from an area where there is gender discrimination? Like you have already guessed your passport to freedom will be your job or higher studies relocation to some city.
Identify the triggers which cause fights with your parents and avoid them. Its called being smart to protect yourself best in the given circumstances. Put your entire focus on studies.
You need to work on your self esteem. Focus on the good things you have in life and not what you don't have.
Regarding you being skinny, many girls of your age struggle to be thinner. Think of it as you are naturally gifted. As you age your figure too improves (no matter how skinny you are). As for the saree, you may choose a cotton saree or a pattu (heavy silk) saree. That should give you a little more rounded figure appearance.
Thanks, SHIVANGI, for your support and suggestions....
But, the thing is, I don't really know what makes my dad so angry. I mean, I always try my best to maintain peace, but fights always happen...my parents are always angry at me, no matter what I do...
I am surely putting my entire focus on studies. Lets see what results I get... Also, I am working on my self esteem and it has improved a lot...
And about choosing saree, thanks, I will surely wear either a cotton saree or a heavy silk saree, if my mother allows me to... But what should I do for my skinny arms? Please help....
Even if you don't know what triggers your dad (as then has him using you as a cat to kick), try to note his behaviour in the run-up so that you can learn to identify when he's about to blow, and make yourself scarce or do what you know tends to pacify him. Don't think of it as humiliation of kowtowing, think of it as you being longer-term clever than him in biding your time whilst keeping aggro at bay.
What goes around comes around so they'll get theirs, no worries. You don't have to be the vengeance seeker.
Meanwhile just do your best. I meant, flying colours FOR YOU. Your personality as expresses with it your powers of enduring hardship will do the rest by shining through in any future interview. These things leak out, and whether or not the other person (this case, interviewer) knows what it is they're sensing, they still sense and 'read' it all correctly and respond befittingly. It's called Vibes.
Could you wear a thin or lacy shawl just over the shoulder to cover your upper arms? I don't know what goes with a Sari, though, whereas Shivangi obviously would, so let's see what she thinks.
Thanks, SOULMATE, for encouraging me...I just hope and wish your words come true...
I am not a vengeance seeker, but their actions force me to think so...Lets see whether I get my share of freedom and happiness someday or not....
You know what, my parents have terrible mood swings. If anyone in the house has done something which ruins their mood, I have to stay prepared to get most of the blows, even if it is not me who has done it...
For example, today, during dinnertime, my bro was not eating food, but chattering away, dancing and doing such weird things... I was eating my food fast, because I knew if anyone saw him doing all this, only I will be scolded. As I was eating, dad shouted my name from the other room, thinking, it was me who was doing all this chaos. I kept quiet and continued finishing my food. But, dad came into the room just as I had stood to leave (I had eaten my food). My bro had sat down immediately (maybe he saw dad coming) and started eating food quietly. Dad saw me, and I was scolded for no reason. I kept quiet (during the last fight, I had argued and had got beaten), hearing everything quietly. I looked at my mom and bro, who was grinning quietly and felt angry. But, I could do nothing, except ignoring....
Let me tell you another thing. I had found that I have myopia in class 7. Obviously, I asked my parents for getting my eyes checked with a doctor. As usual they refused. I begged. They refused again and beat me. This happened for some months. I asked again. They refused. I somehow managed everything. I tried my best to get my eyes healthy again. But, nothing improved. My eye power increased. I faced many problems. It became difficult to see the blackboard in school. I told my parents again. But they refused. At class 11, I didn't get good results. My parents scolded and beat me. I tried to explain the reason to them, but in vain. But then, I begged and somehow, they agreed. I had come to get my eyes checked about 5 years late. My power was found to be -2.75D. I was shocked and angry at my parents. Had they got my eyes checked earlier, this would have happened. I told them so, but instead got beaten...
You tell what do to in such incidents, other than ignoring? But how much I ignore? I am not a dead person that anyone can say anything I will keep on ignoring everything, without a reaction, without a word...
Thanks, SOULMATE, for the saree idea, but, my parents have decided not to allow me to go to the farewell party...somewhere in my mind, I knew this would happen...so I am not surprised...
Hello? anyone there? No reply from anyone?
(Never any need to panic, R, you're never being ignored, you just have to be a little bit patient.)
Sorry about the farewell party. :-( Just keep focussing on all the parties you'll get to enjoy once you're free to fly that rotten nest.
I don't even know what to say about both your parents' apparent lack of parenting skills and all-round abusive attitudes and behaviour, so bad are they....except for, thank god they're not high court judges or thousands of innocents would be banged up in prison by now!
When you say they beat you, what EXACTLY do you mean? Describe it in detail for me. I.e. are we talking flat-handed spanking or punching using fists, and how many blows and for what kind of duration?
When I was a child, they used to punching me using fists, but when I grew up, now,
1) they bang my head on anything they find...
2) they throw anything at me, which is kept near them at that time. I try to duck, but I am not successful everytime...
Whenever anyone in the house has done something which ruins my parents' mood, I have to stay prepared to get most of the blows, even if it was not me who has done it...
I've obviously gathered that last bit, but what I want to know is: Surely you're constantly covered in scabs and bruises? So how come your peers and teachers don't notice?
No...surprisingly that doesn't happen....maybe because I have been beaten since childhood and my body is now immune to it....
How many times per day or week do you get slapped or head-banged?
Well, that depends on the situation...it may range from two days to whole week....
Then I wish you would contact Childline India. I would have thought that given the circumstances, the examination boards would allow you to do re-takes or initial takes (organised by Childline) once you were firmly settled into a new and safe place. Certainly, they do that here. Then your mind would be totally free and available for revision and recall.
Are you sure that would work? I mean, where will Childline India send me?
I have no idea where they'd send you but their object outside of 'place' is obviously to take you away from unhappiness to contentedness, otherwise, if their charges ended up unhappier or feeling no better, their reputation wouldn't thrive and they'd find it too difficult to attract charity donations including govt backing (think about it). They may not even 'send you' anywhere. They might first send some sort of experienced social worker round very regularly to intervene and mediate with a view to sorting your parents out, getting them to genuinely see the error of their ways? You should know that ALL responsible, family-centred authorities (which Childline is) try to keep kids and parents together wherever possible. Separation is the last resort, not the first. And the childs' feelings and wishes come first.
Also, there's nothing to stop you just chatting to them to find out what all the available options would be IF you decided to proceed with telling them the details they'd need for intervening. You have total control.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch.. Could you do me a favour and chat to "Sarah", please? She's in a very similar boat but in a far worse emotional state than you by the sounds of it. Here's the link to her thread: http://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/6550/Should-I-Just-Sucide-
As long as you don't let it interfere too much with your revision, I'm thinking the two of you both might feel a whole lot better knowing you have a right-here-right-now counterpart?
SOULMATE, if you think that an organization like Childline can seriously change my family (who has been ruthless with me for the last 17 years), then you are wrong...
The only thing that will change if Childline tries to intervene is that the small amount of freedom that I am getting now, will also disappear for ever, and I will be responsible for making my life worse....
But, I will surely chat with Childline and explore the other available options they have, thanks....
I read Sarah's thread, and found some of her problems quite similar to mine. But the thing is that she is in a far better condition than me. Her only problem is her dad. If the rest of the family members stand by her, she will surely be out of her problems soon. Her mother is very supportive and nice unlike mine. So she shouldn't think of suicide at all. But, I will surely try to help her....
I have been in a far worse condition that her. I have also thought of suicide many times, but never attempted it because I kept thinking and encouraging myself since childhood that, "this too shall pass!", (though nothing has improved). I don't know from where I get this feeling that everything will improve one day, though I have no support or encouragement from my friends or any relative. It sounds quite mysterious, but its true....
And don't worry, I will chat with her whenever I take a break from my studies. I would feel good if I am able to solve her problems....
I'm not sure what you think makes Sarah's mother 'supportive' when she's the key to her kids getting out of that toxic atmosphere yet is failing to do so, but, in any case, I said 'similar' boat and 'far worse EMOTIONAL STATE', not 'far worse situation'. I asked you to be the instigator rather than the other way around precisely *because* you're stronger than her. In fact, if all you've told us is true then frankly I'm literally *gobsmacked* at your relentless resilience at only 17 years young and you have my greatest awe and admiration!
Good that you'll chat to CL. Meantime, here's a question for ya that might make all the difference:
What if some divine being appeared in front of you and told you that you were destined to be someone truly special, someone who'd go down in history as an exceptionally great leader-mover-shaker, but that you had to run this horrid-feeling childhood gauntlet first (in order to keep exercising those mental muscles until truly 'ripped').... but that you had one of two choices which wish on your say-so s/he would instantly grant:
[a] Make all this home and social life hell instantly stop for the better - the downside being that you would as a future adult amount to nothing but average-ness like 99% of other humans, forgotten forevermore following your death as soon as the last person who'd known and remembered you themselves passed away;
[b] Leave it insitu (apart from phoning Childline for their support) and as a direct result of this 'gauntlet run' comprising biding your time/gritting your teeth for however much longer, turn into someone who was going to make a HUGE, everlasting difference to mankind as in future societies (think Ghandi).
Which would you choose?
I know that you would want me to choose option [b]. But let me tell you something, I would choose option [a]....
But "if" I had the slightest feeling that I was destined to be someone truly special, then I would surely have chosen option [b].
Owing to my circumstances and capabilities, I feel that being ordinary is great. Ordinary people's lives are the best, according to me. They lead a normal life, a normal childhood and a normal future, something which is balanced and also the best. In most of the portions of their lives, they remain content, that's what seems important to me.
But, I lead terrible childhood, with no support, talent or luck, and I know I am not destined to something so great in the future...
But 2 things that I have decided for the future are:
- I will never love or marry anyone in the future. Love, according to me is extremely dangerous and in most cases, leads to destruction...
- I will never ever keep any contact with any of my relative or classmates in the future. I have seen what support they has given me all this years, and I will go very far from all of them.
I know that the theories that I apply for life may seem very wrong or illogical to others, but this is what the circumstances have taught me....
I don't 'want' you to choose anything. I just wanted you to expand your mind towards being more philosophical and considering the bigger picture in order to appreciate how every single great person who ever lived had, on further investigation, it turned out, massive trials and tribulations to endure in their earlier years, often just like you're going through. These things exist/happen for a reason. And no WAY would your parents dare pick on you as their personal cat to kick if they thought you were *weak* or of even average mental strength (think about it).
Maybe your future isn't going to be accessed through academia. Maybe when you're a bit older you're going to start a children's charity or write a book or go into politics to end this sort of set-up - who knows? But that's the point: you *don't* know. But I do know things happen for a reason. No pain = No gain. Massive long-term pain = massive long-term gain. I see it as work for wages. No experience is "bad" experience, it always GETS you somewhere, somewhere you're very glad to have ended up in, which sees you raising a glass to that so-called bad era.
Normal is just whatever you get used to.
And I wouldn't recommend boxing yourself into a 'never-ever' corner or you might one day miss or dismiss an opportunity simply for the short-term satisfaction of saving face to yourself. So don't blame love or relationships. Same as guns don't kill people, PEOPLE kill people using guns as their tool - some people use relationships as if mere tools, as well. My husband and I have a stunning relationship despite it's true we've both known sh*t ones in our past. I don't, however, blame you for how you feel about keeping contact with these cat-kickers. That's perfectly fair enough, all things considered.
Anyway, how's the revision going lately?
Thanks SOULMATE, I liked your way of seeing life from a different perspective, because all these years, I have heard about myself from others as " You are a loser. You won't be able to do anything in your life". Lets see what lies ahead in my future...
Well, the revision is doing OK. I am trying my best to get a good score in my exams, which are starting from 2nd March. I am studying a lot, upto 3 am at night almost everyday to gain more. Don't know whether all this will work out or not....
I had posted on SARAH's thread also, but don't know why she hasn't replied till now...
I'll say it again: no loser puts up with the amount of mental and physical duress and sufferance without topping themselves! Loser, my arse. They're trying to pull you down a peg or two to where you won't make them feel like the weaklings they truly are. You see it in all sorts of relationships, not just marriages. The lazy-minded can't or refuse to step up to someone else's level so try to drag them down instead. Stay RIGHT where you are because your time to really shine will be WHEN IT MATTERS.
Don't worry too much about your exams. Academia is not the only route to greatness. Think 'Lord Sugar' (go google). And he's not rare by any stretch of the imagination. So just do your best and trust the rest to Fate. And, oy, you - stop staying up that late, I explained why already! ;-p
I don't know why she hasn't replied, either. Some people visit forums just to have a quick puke. Some of them don't even flush, LOL. Doesn't matter. It's your willingness that earns you good Karma, not whether the other person actually makes use of that willing.
Hello there R,
I'm new on this site, I came on here yesterday with a problem which seems pretty trivial compared with what life has been throwing at you for the past 17 years!
I think you are getting some great advice and support from the members, and although I don't know how I can practically advise you (but I will do some research into your situation) I just wanted to say that I truly admire your fighting spirit, your dedication and determination to succeed with your exams, in the face of great adversity, shows me that you're definitely not a loser, so just keep reminding yourself of that...you sound like an intelligent young woman who has had the misfortune of being born into an unpleasant family and in a location where there seems little help available to you. I am sure there must be help available though, it's a case of knowing where to look and who to contact, so don't give up, things will get better!! x
(What a lovely message!)
There you go, R. Katie and I can't BOTH be wrong! :-)
Winner trapped in a field of losers. It's too easy for the maggot-ridden apples to convince any healthy red one that s/he is the problematic misfit just because they happen to be in the majority and s/he the minority.
We have a saying here in England: "Don't let the basstuds get you down". But really, all that tends to explain, as in, what's actually going on behind the emotional aspect, is a bird of a particular feather NOT being able to live and operate with its true kind. *Yet*. That's where waiting until your wings are ready to take you flying off to find your same feather comes into it, hence why it's so important to just bide your time and not be fooled and overwhelmed by the illusion of so-called permanence.
Thanks KATIE and SOULMATE for your wonderful words...
Lets see what's written in my fate.....
Okie-dokes. Meantime, keep on trucking (revising)!
Are you on half term at the moment?
No, this is the final term exam and I will turn 18 in 2 months (in April)....
I wanted to ask you something. Earlier I told you that 'there has not been a single day, when I have not been taunted, scolded or called names'. But, this month (a month before the exams), it has modified to 'there has not been a single hour, when I have not been taunted, scolded or called names'. You tell me what should I do if they keep doing all this to divert me from studies everytime? I was surely trying to forget everything earlier, but now that seems impossible....
Also, I needed your suggestion. I AM IN A BIG PROBLEM!! Actually for sitting in these exams, we need an admit card which is issued by the school. My teacher texted every student to come on two separate days on school. On one day, to sign on the important papers and on another day to collect the admit card from the school.
But, the school is actually very far from our house and we don't have a car. This means that we have to hire an auto to school twice. Obviously, my parents denied, unlike other parents, who have their own cars. I called the teacher and requested her to make it all in one day. But, she is very strict and said that it is not possible as she has to do some formalities and all this will take time. Thus, I will have to go twice. Also, I can't send somebody else to get the admit card. My teacher told that she would give it to me only....
Anyone, please tell me what should I do as admit card is crucial for these exams...please help...
That's a tricky one, how far do you live from your school and how long have you got to sort this out?
Is there somebody else from your year living not too far from you with a car who could give you a lift?
Failing that, surely the school can arrange to get this admit card to you somehow, this is the 21st century for goodness sake, what is wrong with everyone round your way, if you lived nearer, myself and Soulmate would come and kick some ass for you!!
Regarding the upped abuse ante: Could you do your revision at your library or do you have ANY sympathetic third party whose house you could study at? Or do your parents control your every movement and moment? If so - haven't you thought yet about approaching one of your teachers at school (or the headmaster/mistress) to explain your problematic home situation to? Other than that, AND regarding this real problem about collecting the admission card, I really do think it's time to ring Childline, don't you?
I echo Katie's sentiment about what on earth is wrong with everyone around your way! (And DAMN right I'd be joining Katie to kick arse! Oh, don't we wish! Basstuds.)
KATIE, I had told my parents that I could request someone to give me a lift, but they instead got angry and denied right away, saying that it will destroy their image in society (though they always tarnish my image) and everyone will think that they are bad parents who don't care about their daughter. My school is very far from my house (when I travel in bus, I reached there in 45 minutes), and I have to come on two days, one of 25th Feb and one before 25th Feb...I am afraid and I don't know what will happen...
SOULMATE, the library is at school, and thus very far my house and I cannot go there. Also, I told you that I have only one true friend a*, but she also lives very far, quite near the school....
And approaching a teacher, let me tell you an incident. Some months ago, our teacher asked a boy v* to submit his project. v* came to the teacher and told her that he was facing emotional abuse because of his parents and thus he couldn't do any project. He went on to tell the teacher about the problems he was facing. But, the teacher scolded him a lot after listening to all this and lectured him never to say such things about his parents and called his parents to tell them all this. I had viewed the incident and later approached v*, asking him about his problems. But he laughed and said, "You viewed the incident and thought all this was true? That means I had acted well to get rid of punishment, as I hadn't made the project, but don't know why teacher scolded me...".
Then I decided not share my problems with the teachers. Also, whenever my mother comes in the parent-teacher meeting, she behaves so nicely in front of all, that everyone thinks that she is the sweetest mother in the world, but only I know the truth. My mother, very sweetly, shows to everyone that I am a bad daughter and she is suffering so much because of me, which, in turn, ruins my image even more.....
Thus, I told you that I am in a big problem with everybody round my way...I don't know what to do...please help...
Also, I think that I becoming mad/mental patient, staying in this madhouse for so many years. Since some months, while sleeping, I see weird dreams, for example, yesterday, I dreamt that I was getting beaten badly by a teacher in school for having a boyfriend!!! I was extremely terrified and woke up immediately. I thought about the dream. How can I see such a dream, that has no connection with my life? I don't have any friend, leave alone a boyfriend!!! There are many such dreams which have absolutely no connection with my life. Can you tell what can be the reason for all this? What's your take on it?
Does your friend who lives near the school know of your situation and what are her parents like?
As far as dreams go, they can be full of symbolism...for example you dreamed about a teacher and a boyfriend; the teacher representing the negative influences in your life now and the boyfriend being your future plans and happiness (my take on it but could mean something else!). It doesn't mean you're going mad at all, and I'd be more surprised if your dreams were average and boring, with what you're going through at the moment. But try and remember them, I believe sometimes they can contain subtle clues about life, your subconscious mind might have worked out a few answers to problems that your conscious mind has yet to catch up with!
Got to shoot now, hang in there!
Hi again R. I asked a friend from India if she knew anyone who may be able to help and she suggested a charity called Oasis. They may only be able to give you advice as we can but again being in India they are better able to do so. Here's their email address [e-mail address removed] it may take them a few days to come back to you but this way you don't have the issue with phoning and you can stay anonymous as long as you feel the need to do so.
I'm so impressed with how well you are coping considering what you are dealing with. I really think reaching out to others in India you may get specific advice we cannot give and we all want things to improve for you.
What do your parents want you to do to get the admit card? Go by bus? Then do so! 45-45-45-45 minutes is not a big deal in comparison to your whole life in front of you! Whats important ... the mode of transport or getting the admit card?
About the teacher scolding your classmate ... this teacher for sure knows who is joking and who is not. The very fact the she was able to see through this boy's acting proves it. If your case is genuine why should you fear? You have the guts to stand up to your parents but not to stand up in front of a possible help for you?
How about your other family members? Like your cousins, aunts, uncles ... how are their behaviors towards their kids? Do you stay in a village or town?
This forum seems to believe me to be spam. Its info at oasisin.org
KATIE, my friend a* is the only one who knows my situation. She and her parents are nice and polite people. They have helped me many times in the past, for instance, this year I had to print my 70-page-computer science project(It was compulsory to get it printed), and I don't have a printer at home. But a* has, so I had to ask her to print my project. (Actually there is a cyber cafe at our place, but it charges very high price for printouts, and my parents won't give me that much money). So, I requested a* to print my project and lessen the price a bit. As she knew my circumstances, she agreed. The price for printing 70 pages is Rs 350 at the cyber cafe, but a* reduced the price to Rs 110. I thanked her profusely, but I knew that, in no way, I could repay her. She has helped me in many such situations. I am glad to have such a nice friend, who has been with me since the last 4 years, but also ashamed to ask help from her again and again. So, I ask her help only in extreme situations....
KATIE, I liked the way you interpreted my dream,and I just hope what you said comes true someday....
Thanks a lot, VIOLETTE, for your wonderful efforts. I will surely send Oasis a mail about my problems....
SHIVANGI, I think you are right. I have decided to go by bus. It is cheaper, so my parents won't have a problem with it, I think.
But listen, I told you that my image in front of teacher is not good, as my mom goes to the parent-teacher meeting and she behaves so nicely in front of all, that everyone thinks that she is the sweetest mother in the world. She, very sweetly, shows to everyone that I am a bad daughter and she is suffering so much because of me, which, in turn, has ruins my image and thus, I ask for help from any teacher.....
Also, about my other family members like my aunts and uncles, they are really sweet to their children, according to what I have seen. And the children also look happy. Some lucky ones live in other countries as well. And though, I stay in a city, but I live life of a poor underdeveloped villager, with no money or freedom.
I seriously hate myself and my life. When I look back in the past, I find that I have not achieved anything great all these years. As a child, I was a very competitive person and wanted to be at the top always. If anyone scored even 1 mark more than me, I would get angry at myself for not able to get more marks than him/her...
That was past. As I grew up, I developed a passion for music, especially playing casio (a small sized piano) and singing. With me, my passion grew. In class 7, I requested my parents to send me to a good music school, so that I could learn playing casio well and sing better. They, as usual, refused. I insisted and requested and begged a lot. They, surprisingly, agreed. They sent me to a bad music class, where the teacher, though was nice, but did not know anything much. I thought, if he didn't know anything himself, how will he teach me? But, I took it in my stride and soon, became the best student in his class. I played casio and sang in stage many times, upon insisting of the teacher, though I was not happy with my performance. I wanted to be an expert, and not an intermediate, so that people also identify me by my talents. After 1 year, he said that I knew everything now and I could quit. I was shocked hear to that. I wanted to learn more and was dissatisfied with this completion. But, my parents were very happy listening to this, as they need not pay any more fees on it. I thought if I had done a course in a good music school, my life would have been so much different. I was never allowed to play casio or sing thereafter.
I also used to like drawing a lot, but they did not allow me to learn it. In fact, one day, when I was painting at home, my dad came and threw the painting in the dustbin, saying it's a waste to draw, and warned me never to draw again....
You tell me what should I do? Either I am too demanding and a bad daughter, who wastes her parents' money, or it is all my parents' fault. If they had so much problems with drawing, then why are they making my bro do a six-year course in art from a renowned institute? (my bro has already completed two years of the course...)
Presently, in my free time, I secretly design fashion clothes for ladies in a notebook. I showed it to a*, who complimented me and asked me to design a bridal dress for her wedding in the future, and she would wear only that :)
You design clothes? Wow ...why don't you explore online options of making money with that? I have come across some websites who say they pay for designs.
(Excellent support and advice, everybody!)
"I seriously hate myself and my life."
R, just because you don't have any power to prevent or stop this abuse from being dealt you, that is NOT the same as you being complicit in it and deserving of recrimination. That would be the case only if you DID have power yet refused to use it. I know you probably FEEL like you somehow are complicit just because you're so mightily frustrated with yourself with nowhere else to put it, but you're taking it out on the wrong person, the one person ANY of us truly have in this life from birth to death - yourself. So don't waste your precious energies hating yourself and thereby making yourself a victim of your very self or what you're doing is JOINING IN with your parents et al, which removes your right to complain about THEM and THEIR attitudes and behaviour (think about it). You don't want to be no better than them and join them in beating you up, do you? Focus instead on the fact you have all the reason in the world to be DEAD PROUD of those incredible mental muscles of yours. Only 17 and crystal-clearly already as ripped as Arnie Swarzenegger?!... If that doesn't make you secretly feel vastly superior and like a huge winner just having to wait patiently (the waiting itself a strengthener) for the starter gun to go off, then you're a complete numptie who needs to wake up and get with the programme! ;-p
This is your intense training because you're destined for superiority. The Olympic Games hasn't begun yet. But it will. And once it does? WATCH OUT, WORLD, HERE COMES GOLD!
You're not a victim, you're a hard, hard basstud with the strength of ten. Why do you think everyone closest to you is so constantly intimidated by you that they're constantly trying to hobble you? THINK! Meanwhile, your best friend isn't intimidated, she's impressed and trying to champion you, and that makes her feel vitally useful to the world. LET HER. Ask her for as many favours as you like! You're doing her a favour every single time. That's the trade-off and it's a fair one.
You're just waiting for the all the starter guns to go off. That's all. You've GOT to keep reminding yourself of this.
I took Shotokan Karate Do (karate = Empty hand, Do = Way of life) classes when I was younger, given by a famous master of that art. Bloody costly, but worth every penny. Every lesson, he would make us line up and would punch us all, in turn, in the stomach. We were supposed to put everything, including the power of our minds, into flexing our stomach muscles. It was, give it your all or suffer. Once punched, we had to immediately bow and say, 'Osu, Sensai!' (pronounced Oss) which in Japanese, in that particular context, means both, 'Thank-you, master', and, 'I understand'. Why thank-you and I understand? THINK ABOUT IT!
"He who knows others is wise;
He who knows himself is enlightened.
He who conquers others is strong;
He who conquers himself is mighty.
He who knows contentment is rich;
He who keeps on his course with energy has will.
He who does not deviate from his proper place will long endure.
He who may die but not perish has longevity."
You're in training. Who put you there? FATE! Why? To get you ready! What are your parents? DUMBELLS! What is that side of you that hates yourself? DUMBELLS!
Conquer yourself. Conquer them. By understanding what's really going on here and why/what for. They're doing you a massive favour and the stupid twats don't even KNOW it, "ha-ha-HA!" and "prrthtththth!" to them for thinking that they're BULLYING you. Every time they hit you, whether physically or emotionally, say to yourself, 'Osu!'
'She who laughs last laughs longest'.
"You design clothes? Wow ...why don't you explore online options of making money with that?"
Oh, look, a starter gun!! :-)
Sorry, I couldn't reply to you all because I had a bad cold (look at my fate, a week is left for such an important exam and here I am, down with fever...I am tired of my fate....), and also a problem had arisen (related to my board exams)....but I will put that aside for now.
I would like to thank SOULMATE for her enlightening words. I wish it comes true....
But, SOULMATE and SHIVANGI, who told you that my designs are so good that I will be able to make money with that? I know that my only friend a* appreciated me , but, let me tell you about other people. When I showed my fashion book to others, they got irritated and asked me not to bore them with such nonsense drawings. Also, why they would not irritated? I had not even coloured my drawings and I think my drawings are horrible. Also, if I try to make money with that, won't my parents get to know of it? So, I don't think there is anything "wow" about it....
But, I wanted ask you something, can I post my fashion drawing anonymously on this site for you all to see?
Fate might be doing you a favour. It's favours frequently feel like the opposite. AT THE TIME.
Imagine yourself on a train: Taking those exams and doing well at them MIGHT shunt your destiny train onto a track that either won't lead to or will take longer than was necessary to lead to Happy City. You might need to do mediocre at the exams for all you know. So try to go more with the flow. As long as you're doing your BEST in the midst of whatever barriers and blockades, that's all it expects you to do. It does the rest. It may turn out that in your case it wants more than 50% control of the future situation so that it can manoeuvre you from one track to the other without too much resistance. So when you see it laid out like that, you can see how worrying is such a laughable waste of time and energy and that you can be crying over what you THINK is a looming rainbow and vice-versa/celebrating over a raincloud, right?
This cold could be the best, most helpful cold in your entire lifetime.
Oh, it's going to come true, alright. Might take 6 months, might take a year, two years... who KNOWS how long that particular track might take between stations? But you're on one track amongst many, don't have any doubts about that, and, despite you can't see or feel this happening, the train you're on is passing over junction points ALL THE TIME.
So if you seem to be getting hampered, fight it JUST ENOUGH, *NEVER* TOO MUCH. If you fight something or against something just enough and it STILL doesn't work, TAKE THE HINT and flump gladly in a chair.
Prime example: Years ago there was this house I desperately wanted with every fibre of my being. Oh, it was a BEAUTIFUL house, seemed almost made for me! Another house-seeker made an offer and there commenced the bidding war. I kept finding extra funds from every quarter I could in order to keep upping my offer. Didn't get it, other couple did. I was devastated.... until 2 months later when I was passing by on my way back from an evening out (midnight) and decided to veer off my track to have a wistful look. Guess what I found out? This: "Yap-yap-yap, yap, yap-yap-yap!!!". The next door neighbour, unbeknownst to me, had loads of noisy dogs and the selfish beep was letting them out late at night. I can't stand the noise barking makes at the best of times, but... late at night when you've got work in the morning? I went round the next night just to make sure. Sure enough - "Yap-yap-yap...!". MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN HELL! "Cheers, Fate mate! :-)".
Got it now?
As to your drawings and the opinions you got back. Use your noddle. Why would people who want to keep you down tell you something that would have elevated your spirits and self-confidence.
I don't know whether your parents would get to know about it. Maybe you and your friend (under supervision of her parents?) could go into entrepreneurship together, meaning, she can handle the sales order side of things using her bank account? (Write a contract together that you both sign and keep a copy of, obviously.) Or maybe you could start a blog which might in time get you noticed and offered jobs? Who knows? That's the point, we none of us know. You just have to try and then see what happens.
Re showing your drawings on this forum, you'd have to email the owner, Richard, to see whether it's possible.
Please SOULMATE, the example you gave is nothing as compared to mine. Our locality is full of street dogs who keep on barking together the whole night...
Putting all this aside, I wanted to tell that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! My so-called parents have tortured me a lot all these years. I kept quiet thinking maybe all this will improve. But things worsened and kept on worsening and worsening.... It now worsens each day. This is the limit. I won't bear anything now. I have decided something and I am only letting you know that....
I have decided that if my exams don't go well (I will obviously know how much marks would I get, atleast approximately), then I will kill myself. And I will not attempt suicide, but will commit it, so that I die straightaway (I have even thought of a way). I will make sure that I do it before I get the results. I think my decision is right as I will finally be at peace and my parents and bro will be extremely happy....I thank People's Problems from the bottom of my heart for its support and encouragement...
Somewhere in my mind, I also wanted to live a carefree like other teens (I wish I get good marks in my exams)....
Nothing compared to yours? Who said it was even supposed to be? If you thought the object of that story was weight of sufferance then you've missed its point entirely, which was purely how Fate moves in mysterious and oft-displeasing (or even painful) ways. Furthermore, I've been through experiences that would your own look like a walk in the park, not least because I've lived through many more years than you. But I'm not about to turn this into a sufferance arm-wrestle or beat your hands down at it whereby the focus of this threads shifts from you to me (which it would). So use your noddle and cease under-estimating me, please. And also, cease directing your newly unleashed vexation at the wrong quarter, please-thank-you. I'm not your parents, am I.
So. Back to you...
If it worsens bit by bit - as you bit-by-bit approach home-leaving age, NOTE! - then what you've got there is not just cat-kickers but kittenifiers of the negative and lazy variety, trying to shatter your developing confidence in its bud form so that you WON'T ever leave home (because for that you need confidence). Yes, it's stupid, yes, it's going to backfire horribly on them, yes, that means they're being as thick as pig sh*t, but there you have it. These people are like the wind from the Aesop fable about the sun versus the wind. So desperate not to be left (*with constantly only each other for company*, I'm betting!) that rather than try to stop a BOY from leaving home (which would be TOO hard), they're picking on the easier target, trying to force her to stay put.
Here's the fable synopsised:
"The Wind and the Sun were disputing which was the stronger. Suddenly they saw a traveller coming down the road, and the Sun said: "I see a way to decide our dispute. Whichever of us can cause that traveller to take off his cloak shall be regarded as the stronger. You begin." So the Sun retired behind a cloud, and the Wind began to blow as hard as it could upon the traveller. But the harder he blew the more closely did the traveller wrap his cloak round him, till at last the Wind had to give up in despair. Then the Sun came out and shone in all his glory upon the
traveller, who soon found it too hot to walk with his cloak on."
No, you won't kill yourself. Because you don't need to go that over-the-top, you have Childline. What are you suggesting, that it's easier to top yourself than slink to your friend's house to use her phone? Rubbish. WHEN suicide is your only exit door out of that situation, THEN you can use it, okay? Until then, you don't 'throw the baby out with the bathwater'.
Your exams are possibly not a piece of junctioning track. Possibly Childline are. Call them. What your parents DON'T know is that to leave home, confidence is not the only fruit. There's also hatred mixed with desperation.
SOULMATE, I am really sorry if I was rude to you. But, please understand, I am tired of my circumstances and want freedom like other teens....
Also, let me tell you that in a country like India, getting good marks in exams is the only way I can end my problems. And if I don't get good marks, then I have no hope. But, I can't live like this throughout my life and thus, I will die....
For future reference, I'd have preferred it the other way around ('I am tired of my circumstances and want freedom like other teens, however, I'm really sorry I was rude to you' (no 'if')). Your way makes it sound as if you feel entitled to kick the cat and - what is it we've only just spent weeks reproaching on the part of your parents and peers? How do you think people get to *become* bullies in the first place, R? Oh, yes, news for you - the bullies are the bullied or once-bullied-not-yet-over-it... Pass-The-Rotten-Parcel. Doesn't mean two people can't be each others' bullies (your mum and dad), but.. there you have it.
I'll let you off this time, but the next time it all gets too much for you, you might want to find a sofa cushion to whack. Works for me, anyway.
However, certainly I, were I in your situation, would ring Childline. So why aren't you?
No-one can help you until you do your 50%.
So, I repeat, why aren't you?
Hello everyone, I had my first exam today (English), and I am happy that it went quite well....
I was worried about the fact that my exam centre is really far and didn't know whether taking an auto would help as they have raised their prices and my parents were on the verge of denying it. But, I was glad when one of our neighbours (whose daughter also had the exam in the same centre), herself asked us whether we needed a lift or not. We agreed immediately and this is how everything was managed. I am extremely thankful to them for helping us and hope that my other exams (the next one is on 9th March, that is, Physics) also go well....
Excellent to hear you were left feeling positive about how you did in English, plus you're obviously feeling a lot better generally. And look what Fate surprised you with - the lift! There you go, what did I say about things coming out of the Blue? :-) So do I get to do my Told You So dance yet? LOL
I had my Physics exam today...
I always used to tell you that either I have no happiness in my life or my happiness is extremely short-lived. And that's what happened. My Physics exam did not go well. I had studied properly, but the thing is, don't know why I found the paper so tough and couldn't many questions...
I could not come to this website since many days (due to studies), but I was tortured and taunted everyday (even one day before the exams). My parents leave no opportunity to put me down...
As each day is passing, I am becoming more and more sure of the idea of suicide (it is the only way I can see, to free myself from the problems of my life)...
I didn't tell my parents that my exam went bad, or otherwise they would have beaten the hell out of me. But, when I was alone, I cried, cried and cried. I know that, only this is my destiny....
'Scuse the delay - I've had a sinus cold.
Well, I'm sorry you didn't pass your physics exam but then again, maybe I'm not. Remember you're supposed to be going with Fate's flow and wherever it's trying to bit-by-bit shunt you, HOW EVER it tries to shunt you. If you failing your physics exam is a shunt or one part of an overall shunt, that can only be a good thing at some point over the horizon.
But again, no, suicide is NOT your only option. It's the lazy, cowardly one, given that you still have Childline India.
Consider calling that number your suicide. It'll be the death of your old, stinky life. Go for it! Seems to me that all the signs keep pointing to it. Don't they you?
Sorry to hear that you had a sinus cold. Hope you are okay now....
Let me tell you that I cannot call Childline. The reasons are:
1) I am not allowed to use phone in this house without the permission of my parents, though my bro can do so...(I don't have my personal phone)
2) No STD booth in our area...
3) You tell me, what will Childline do? How can I just call them, not knowing what would they do. (This is India, not any organized country)
But, I wanted to know if I could anonymously share my problems with Childline to know what solutions and suggestions they would give me, like I do in this website...
I am tired of this biased life. I don't know what's the problem of my parents. What the hell would happen if they love me the same way as they do to my bro? What is the reason of this grudge against me? Sometimes, they say that I am a burden on them because when I was born, my mother got measles, but nothing happened to her when my bro was born. Tell me is this also my fault?
Last year, on my birthday, my mom gave me a beautiful pen set as a gift. Though I was surprised, I gladly accepted it. I had kept the set safely, thinking to use it during the exams. Some days later, I found my bro writing with it. When I asked the reason, he shouted, making sure that dad listens to it. Then, dad came to the room and asked the reason for the commotion. I tried to tell him about the entire matter, but my bro told him that I was taking his pen. My mom also saw this incident and supported my bro. As a result, I was beaten by my dad for touching my bro's items. He warned me not to do this again and left. My mother and bro also left, smirking.
Tell me, what's my fault in all this? Why do they like beating me so much? If they did not want to gift me, then they could have done it straightaway. What was the need to do such kind of a planned drama?
This year, my mother jokingly asked what I wanted as birthday gift. I made it clear to her that I wanted nothing from them. As a result, I was taunted and scolded....
P.S.: Tell me, how would not getting good marks in exams prove to be useful for me?
"Sorry to hear that you had a sinus cold. Hope you are okay now...."
Thags, but dot really, do. Never mind, I'll live. :-)
1. You have best friend and her supportive parents AND THEIR HOME PHONE. Use that available tool.
2. See 1.
3. Childline will ask you about all the things in your situation that are making you so unhappy. You'll tell them, and then they'll offer you their practical assistance. If you don't feel ready to take it, they'll be able to tell without you even having to speel it out, in which case they'll offer you vocal comfort and moral support and invite you to ring again. They're basically The Samaritans for non-adults but with means to get involved - WITH the full backing and muscle of the law - if and only when wanted and needed by you. I repeat, you get to have full control... not least because you can always at any moment in the conversation cut the line.
Yes, of course you can be an anonymous caller.
What's this about measles? Does getting ill or getting ill with measles specifically have some sort of religious meaning in your country or household?
No, of course it's not your fault. NONE of this is your fault. I don't care if you're the most annoying child on the planet (which I'm sure you're not but, just for the sake of this argument let's pretend you are, NO parent has any justification for treating you like those two do! But here is a very simple, very true rule: Happy people are nice people / Nice people are happy people. Miserable people are nasty people / Nasty people are miserable people. Now *you* do the math and tell *me*, why they must do it. You're the family kicking cat. And that automatically makes those two people whom you had the accidental misfortune to be born to, wholly unfit to be parents. They are even abusing your brother if you really think about it. Think about what he's been taught to perceive, think and behave like, and how that'll effect his later life. No WAY will he have a happy marriage and happy life, NO WAY! Not unless his place of work is similarly dysfunctional, his wife similarly dysfunctional, all his friends similarly dysfunctional... otherwise, he'll end up a fish constantly out of water.
"Tell me, how would not getting good marks in exams prove to be useful for me?"
You tell me how, for but one example of an early life full to the brim of traumas, 20 years ago my having got to hold my dead, 5-month-old first-born in my arms proved useful to me. And then realise that 'useful' is a gross understatement. Think 'track', think 'shunt', think, where is she now and would she even be there if not, and is she HAPPY there, and is that a PERMANENT state? Nuff said. I am both sad and UCKING OVER-THE-MOON that that so-called trauma happened!
Do you get it now? It's all a test. And if the test keeps going on and on and ON, it just means the end reward will equally be sizeable and equally will go on and on and ON. Life is a roller-coaster. But roller-coasters come in all shapes and sizes. I just happened to be on the type of coaster that instead of going up-down-up-down, went down-down-down-down x 100 THEN up-up-up-up-up x 100.
The monsoon season very quickly ceases to matter if what follows is an unendingly, hot, sunny Summer. :-) What doesn't kill you *definitely* makes you stronger AND more lucky AND more appreciative. Do NOT quit or you'll be like someone who throws away a winning lottery ticket because she mistook it for a used sweet wrapper. Ask for help,...use all the tools at your disposal, YES. That's allowed. The reason those tools are there are SO THAT you'll take the hint and use them. They're breadcrumbs left as a trail. Follow the trail. Phone Childline.
I'm just going to keep nagging until you do. Because I'm a breadcrumb. Sooner you ring, sooner I'll stop nagging. Berbom. And I can nag for England...
"I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves,...". Want I stop yet? LOL Tough, ain't gonna happen. I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves...
You think I'm joking, don't you.
hi, I am an indian and I understand what u are going through.i am from Mumbai india. can u ask a ngo to support you or a womans organisation. can u complain to the cops about the abuses you go through.it wont be easy since family support is vital in india. but if u don't have then some organistaion can help you with this.i don't see our family changing. a serial comes on tv code red in colors maybe u can approach them. other than thatu can shift with some relative or opt for an hostel. start with some work and live separately. its very tough to live without support but these are some things u can do. suicideis not the answer. fight back and win
"suicideis not the answer. fight back and win"
Thank-you, SUNSHINE, and - ABSOLUTELY! If you're strong enough to seriously contemplate suicide then you are irrefutably 100% proving you are strong enough to fight and win (and THEN some!).
Right strength (because there is NOTHING weak-minded about daring to make any giant leap), just WRONG DIRECTION. Re-orientate it and, VOILA! Success.
But it's not the re-orientation that's the hard bit. The hard bit is the *decision to re-orientate*. One, Two, Three, JUMP!
And that's what surviving against/escaping from serious threat or daring to do the other greatest jump of all have majorly in common. One, Two, Three, JUMP! But to the left instead of the right. If you could kill your very self, you could kill a mere present life A in favour of a future one B. In OTHER words, don't kill yourself, kill them - by jumping far away from them, so far they can't even talk to you, let alone reach you. And then let them cry you a river. Cos you cried a river over them.
PS: "I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, I know a song that'll get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves, get-on-yer-nerves..."
Sorry, I couldn't reply as I had my Chemistry exam today. This exam was okay, not too good, not too bad, but I am not satisfied....
SOULMATE, I thought about what you wrote, and I feel you are right. I should be a little more patient, maybe opportunity would knock my doors...Thanks a lot for making me feel better...
I wanted to tell SUNSHINE that though these serials like Code Red show the present incidents that taking place in India, but they don't guide us properly to deal with the problems. In fact, the way they solve the problems is completely unjustified and looks absolutely fake. They are just interested in gaining TRPs and not helping people....
That's alright - any excuse to sing my favourite song, LOL. ;-)
I'm very, very glad to hear you're resigned to being more patient - and if true then you've just passed an 'invisible' exam with Distinction - a Degree no less (University of Life) - because I really do feel 'a little more' is all that's being asked of you, anyway. And remember, you ARE benefiting from being maltreated, despite you can't tell and aren't yet reaping the life-heightening rewards at this precise moment in your life. You will. FACT!
Here's the bottom-line truth about maltreatment and whatever not killing you making you stronger: Victims sense this logic and all that extrapolates from it, without even having to be told. Now you imagine it were a literal rather than psychological gym (or, if you like, army training camp), and the victim came out of it looking like Ms or Mr Universe (the detectably psychological indications being vibes including personal carriage, posture, tone of voice, etc., general air of authority and and all-round actual capability with NOTHING LEFT TO FEAR). One hard basstud but also a detectably *superior* specimen due to having a soft, kind, empathetic side. So an all-round, bona-fide, scariest MF on the block!
I repeat: nothing left to fear. There is NOTHING worse in this world than living with the notion that your own parents - MUMMY AND DADDY - *AND* BIG BROTHER - *AND* a lot of your peers - don't love you or can't love you like families do and should. Nothing!
Psychopaths are inadequate because they're unpredictable - loose cannons - neither useful to society nor themselves and their own life happinesses, whereas Supermen and Superwomen have something far scarier: HIGHER INTELLIGENCE AND STRETCHED BOUNDARIES. Those stretched boundaries are not to their liking. So they shrink them for the purposes of everyday life. But, ah, they can go more expansive again at a finger-click! (Think Lycra socks that look like booties but fit a size 15 foot when on.)
Put that together and you've got, Evil for the power of GOOD. Hence - Superman/woman, not The Evil Joker (evil for the power of own, selfish gain alone). Who always can't fail but win? Oh, yeah, baby!
(Now you know the difference between a BAD psychopath and a saintly one, aka a hero like Superman.)
"Victim" : late 15th century (denoting a creature killed as a religious sacrifice): from Latin victima.
Victima goes to heaven. Certainly a better place (all the worldly evidence points heavily to it, IMO). What if - this being the psychological version of it (and for every material version there IS a real, psychological one) - only a part of you gets killed and sent to heaven? But, being a psych version, an EARTHLY heaven?
Angel with a self-accessible Psychopath on-off switch = [Are you getting excited yet?]
Back to emerging ripped from that gym: What's going to happen from there? Might people automatically place expectations onto the victim whenever they needed any heavy lifting? That's hard work, isn't it. Not everybody LIKES hard work or even the mere thought of it. (As humans we have in our wiring two oppositional, constantly conflicting programmes from long-repeated evolutionary phases - to be lazy versus to be active.) And it wouldn't stop there, would it - they've be expected to sort out fights or take on monsters... We're talking really heavy-duty work that other mere mortals can't even contemplate. As aforementioned - a leader. Possibly a world or at least field leader.
YES, all hard work attracts salaries and benefits (be they instant, 'pay per play' tangible versions or psychological in the form of LATER intangibles *mixed with* material/financial). But those who fear promotion and harder-than-average work tend to be so constantly fixated on the initial work part that their minds don't even turn to the rewards part, so all THEY see is: future hard work, far harder than they ever intended for themselves in this world, wanting to just be like everyone average else and take it as easy as possible.
Now switch back to PSYCHOLOGICAL MUSCLES - those that AREN'T so obvious to spot on first sight. It's easier to hide those muscles and deny they exist, isn't it. And how better, in order to escape your new, life promotion and its greater and more important duties and demands, than to PRETEND YOU'RE WEAK. How does one do that? Like this:
"Mew-mew-mew-mew-mew... Everyone picked on meeee when I was growing up...that's WHY I can't dooo this, that, or that, mewwww, I'm WEEEAK, heeelp meeeee".
"This thing we call failure (aka Loser), is not the falling down BUT THE *STAYING* DOWN" - Mary Pickford.
Ninety-nine percent of people are fooled by that mewling, aren't they (surface viewers that they are). You see it in, say, your battered wives who spend the rest of their days telling of their woe (and getting leg-ups because of it). Who the hell do they think they're kidding? To endure month after year after decade of being beaten up, even hospitalised, as well as beaten up mind-wise, yet keep re-entering the lion's den? A weakling would have run at the first incoming punch, never mind the 54th!!! THEY STAYED PUT. Only when a TRUE weakling, a TRUE victim(s) demanded she run as a form of rescue (i.e. when dad started on the kids) did that woman finally do so...with all those so-called cast-iron reasons that once allegedly stopped her going POOF! into thin air. Funny, that. So what's the logical message contained in that whole chain of events? Easy. She knew, deep down, that SHE, truthfully, was a hard basstud. But, often, one that didn't and doesn't want promotion ("mew-mew-mew").
YOU, my petal, haven't got that choice. This means, Life/Fate/Nature/God/WHATEVAH has seen to it that you HAVE to stay put, HAVE to become more ripped than Arnold Swarzenegger. Compulsory non-stop, daily gymwork and training. 24 hours, 7 days a week. Arnie didn't pump for THAT long! It is, by that evidence alone, SCREAMING at you to fulfil whatever extra-special, extraordinary destiny it has planned for you as requires such a super-mind. And 'right now', it's enlisted my help and everyone else who's posted on this thread on this forum (of all the forums in all the world, you went and "chose" THIS one; what were the chances?!).
Do you HEAR it now?
You are going to be something truly amazing to behold. IF YOU WANT. That would be all that stood in your way. Want. The decision to want it. Just SAYING to yourself, 'Yep, I want summa that!'.
School exam certificates? HAH! Blow your nose on them, luv, they mean B*GGER ALL where *you're* headed!
But! Don't now sit back and discontinue trying your best because... they are the bench-press in that there gym, they are still stretching certain of your mind muscles in that one direction that you - as a future Superhero within whatever field - do NOT want puny compared to the rest of your mind. Or that will leave you an incomplete hard basstud (picture Arnie with titchy little calves and feet, or hands and forearms, compared to the rest of him and laugh out loud. He'd look like an unfinished balloon animal! :-D). And things left undone just come back to you later on in life, bet your little arse. Usually bigger/harder. So you just carry on revising, getting good nights' sleep, doing your very, very best on the day.
Feel sorry for you? Not a chance! You should feel sorry for everyone else who gets to have a NORMAL childhood and goes on to live a NORMAL (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn) life.... nothing special.... 'You know who I mean - that nice little old lady who lived at No. 95' / 'Er.... nope, can't recall, sorry'.
Winston Churchill, Karl Marx, Ghandi, Marie Curie, Florence Nightingale (b**bs or b*lls don't matter)... Keep adding the names that went into the history books. What doesn't kill you makes you MORE INTELLIGENT, albeit Academia is just ONE aspect of the 7 known signs of intelligence.
One glass or two (champagne)?
Please now take out from your library the book by Dave Peltzer called, 'A Child Called It'. Do TRY not to read it all in one go, late into the night, won't you. Show yourself your muscles by having the willpower to put it down again.
You see? When life hands you lemons - your case, giant ones, your case, forces on you - it wants - your case, REALLY wants - you to make Lemonade - your case, giant, de-luxe Lemonade.
Seen it a thousand times before. Seenitseenitseenitseenitseenitseenit...now almost getting BORED of seeing it.
Perception - how you choose to see and feel about things and act on them - is one form of Reality. A 'raw mineral' form. A pliable form that you can convert using your mind into True, finished-product Reality.
So how much better do you feel NOW? :-)
(Aww. Your poor brother. Deprived and denied.)
Thanks a lot, SOULMATE, for encouraging me....
But think practically, how much can I be patient and keep waiting? Till my exam results, which my parents would see and scold me, beat me and ultimately throw me out of their house, leaving me with no support system, to rot on the roads alone? Or till the day I find out that I have not got admission in a good college? Or till the time I find myself jobless and homeless, begging on roads in front of everyone to shelter me? Or the worst, till the day I find my younger brother, b* grown to be a very successful man, kicking me (who has grown up to be a useless, good-for-nothing woman) out in front of public and everyone feeling sorry for b* for having such a hopeless elder sister? Tell me, till when shall I wait?
Since childhood, I have always worked hard and waited for success, thinking maybe someday I would get it, but what happened? I am such a big idiot that I have not achieved anything in my life. Now, I am just rotting away, and also wasting my parents' resources (food, clothes, money etc). This is the reason why I thought of suicide. Maybe my family would be at ease after all this and I won't have to face any more problems.....
17 is too young to feel life is over. First what is your situation with marriage, living with an aunt or relative or even making it on your own? Do you have relatives in the UK or USA or Canada? Could you go teach English? I realize this is thinking in a different way but you have got to get the toxic people out of your life and find a way to make a living. That is your life in a nutshell. I think you would be very glad to be alive in 10 years.
!!!, young or old I don't know but it is intolerable to live like this....
1) About marriage, it is impossible for me. I would never want to love/marry someone in my life...
2) Yes, some of my relatives live abroad (like in Germany). But, I told you that I don't have family support at all...
3) You tell me, how can I get these people out of my life? How can I find a way to make a living?
That's why I am thinking of suicide...
Try your relatives you may be surprised.
Eyup, sorry for the no-show, R, VERY busy weekend, and glad !!! was around for you (and, whilst I'm at it, glad about that alias as it makes me chortle every time, so much so I'm thinking of changing my own to "?*!?", which, let's face it, would be most apt, LOL).
Anyway, I agree that you might be surprised if you approached one of your relatives. I mean, can't you tell from family get-togethers which ones aren't quite so keen on your parents as would indicate they don't approve of their attitudes and ways of doing things?
But again, irrespective, you still have Childline (and a song that gets on yer nerves, gets on yer nerves, etc.). So why would you fear the thought of Childline more than ending yourself? I mean, that's basically what it amounts to, surely? What exactly are you scared of?
Look, SOULMATE and !!!, we have no get-togethers as our relatives live far away, in another state. So, it is impossible to meet them again and again. Dad had cut all relations with our paternal relatives (due to an incident), about 6-7 years ago, and we have never talked/seen each other since then. Though we have contact with our maternal relatives, but we have not been able to meet them in the last 2 years, as we did not travel there (lack of money). And about calling them, I have told you that my parents don't allow me to use the phone. But, whenever I had gone to my maternal relatives, my mother has always made sure to completely ruin my image in front of them. And she has been successful to a large extent. My relatives now think of me as a spoilt and short-tempered bad girl who always puts her parents in problem. Like my parents, my younger bro is the apple of everyone's eye......
My maternal relatives are quite selfish. About my paternal relatives, they are really scary. I mean, many of them have died mysteriously (no one knows the cause of their death), some of them are down with some kind of a disease or ill. All the remaining ones have atleast married twice (because their previous spouse died or left them), and all of them are thieves (they have stolen money and jewellery from each other's bank accounts)....
That's why I don't trust my relatives....
SOULMATE, since you said, I had mailed three NGOs: 'Aasra', 'Connecting...' and 'Sneha India', some days ago. But, I have not got any reply from any of them. I can't call them, but can only mail them about my problems. Let's see whether I get any reply from them or not....
I know exactly how you feel... I have a girlfriend who had a rough upbringing and it really affected her Ego, Self love and many other social factors in her life. She hated herself that she would not even go to the swimming pool simply because she hated her own body (She is rather short and quite plump and has big b**bs).
So I took her in as my girlfriend because I cared about her and I encouraged her and eventually she begun loving herself. Her new found love for herself enabled her to begin dressing better and working out to make herself look better. It is now 2015 and we met in 2012 and she looks like a queen to me and she is so happy with her life now and I feel happy for what she has achieved by now.
... this story pal is meant to encourage you... for starters,
* Begin loving yourself- Note that loving yourself is the beginning of the change you'd want... As long as you love yourself, you will not worry if others like you or not.
* Find a physical friend who accepts you for who you are and confide in him/her- A problem shared is a problem half solved
* Find something to keep you preoccupied- Anything that interests you, singing, dancing, studying etc... just to ensure that you do not keep thinking about your adversaries and tormentors
* Avoid instances that may get you hurting or being abused
If you keep up with that, you might find yourself enjoying life better as you try to find a way of getting out of your house hold
(Nice one, BIGGIE_BRO!)
Best friends' phone; Childline India, best friend's phone; Childline India; Best friend's phone; Childline India, BEST FRIEND'S PHONE' CHILDLINE INDIA!
You have this key. Use it!
You haven't answered my question: What is putting you off taking this path of least resistance?
BIGGIE_BRO, thanks a lot, for uplifting my spirits. Like you, many people in this website have suggested me to love myself, and I am trying my best. But, everytime, a situation arises which makes me feel even more hopeless and idiotic of myself.....
BIGGIE_BRO, can you tell me what is your girlfriend doing in her life? I mean, what profession is she into and how is she doing there?
SOULMATE, once again, my Maths exam, which was held today, went awfully... I am ashamed of myself and don't know what to do. I feel so sad and helpless, and nothing can console me.....
About my best friend, a*, I told you that she lives far away, and we have not been in contact since few months. We used to meet at school, but due to exams we were not going there, and thus we have not been able to contact each other. Earlier she used to call in my mother's phone, hoping to be able to talk to me, but my mother used to lie that I am not at home. Though she knew the truth, there is nothing she could do. Thus, gradually, she stopped calling......
I have searched about Childline India in the Internet, and it said that this NGO usually helps in educating poor children and related stuff. So, I researched about the NGOs in India which help people like me and found three: 'Aasra', 'Connecting...' and 'Sneha India'. I had mailed all three of them few days ago, but got reply from only one. 'Connecting...' NGO asked me to explain my problems and the family conditions properly and I did so. Lets see what kind of a reply I get.....
Okay, let's sit back and see which replies, if not all of them. Keep us posted on that.
Re your friend having had to give up phoning you: I take it you and she can keep in contact instead by email?
Well done, by the way. :-)
Did 'Connecting' reply yet? If not, I advise you to chase THEM up. Sometimes they test you out that way, to tell whether you're genuine or were just your fairly typical bored schoolkids playing a prank (sadly, believe it or not, it happens).
I am so sorry I couldn't reply due to exam preparations....
My last exam (Computer Science) is on 27th March. Lets see how I perform in it, as out of the last 4, 3 of my exam were awful....
I have registered for entrance tests in 5 colleges. Dad said if I have to get selected in a good college, I have to do so out of these 5 only. Otherwise, its all over (that is, no college, no job, no money and finally, no life). I am really tensed about how everything would be. If I want a life, I have to crack 1 out of these 5 exams. I am really tensed and scared about what would happen, and thinking about this all the time. I wish everything turns out well.....
About 'Connecting...', yes, it is replying to my mails. Presently, they are writing to me, asking me about every bit of me.
If you want a life? Don't be so silly. I repeat, oranges (academia) are not the only fruit.
Sir Alan Sugar did *crap* at school (in fact, he left early) and does *he* lack a life? I don't think so, LOL. Here: from Wikipedia:
"Sugar was born in Hackney, east London, into a Jewish family. He is the youngest of four children of Fay (1907–1994) and Nathan Sugar (1907–1987). His father was a tailor in the garment industry of the East End.
When Sugar was young, his family lived in a council flat. Because of his profuse, curly hair, he was nicknamed "Mop head", a name that he still goes by in the present day. He attended Northwold Primary School and then Brooke House Secondary School in Upper Clapton, Hackney, and made extra money by working at a greengrocers. After leaving school at 16, he worked briefly for the civil service as a statistician at the Ministry of Education. He started selling car aerials and electrical goods out of a van which he had bought with his savings of £50."
'Nickname', was it, like it was issued only in the spirit of friendly banter? Didn't bother him a jot? Yeah, right. He was tiny and puny; *you* do the math! And why didn't he go on to college? The answer's obvious, isn't it. I rest my case.
If you want an ACADEMIC life, you have to crack those exams. But if like Sugar or anyone of similar achievement you're destined for other, quite possibly better things, you should fail or do badly at them.
...£50 piddly quid. Saved from his little Saturday job at the local greengrocer's. And what's he personally worth now? Answer: an estimated net worth of *£770 Million*. And not only that but look at what he does for the world.
SOULMATE, I think you are right about this....
Lets see what lies in future for me........by the way, thanks....
I also wanted to share something with you. My bro's results were out today. Guess what, he didn't perform that well (he is in class 6). That was really unexpected. I mean, he had never performed badly in any of the past years. I think this was the first time, dad scolded him (not mom). But, it was much lesser than what I got. Don't know whats their problem? If my bro's result is not up to the mark, is it also my fault? According to them, everything bad that happens in the world is my fault. My mom pointed out that I was the reason for my bro's bad result. According to them, I am a bad sister and always tortured my bro (though the opposite happens)....
I am tired of these fault-finding machines. Though, I always ignore them, they never stop, and would never do so in the future too... (But, if my results are bad, my bro has every right to taunt and laugh at me, which is so wrong....)
It's not about 'fault'. It's just, "I'm fed up/angry/whatever, who can I take it out on?". And you don't have the adult independence, confidence and physical stature (yet) to stop it from happening. And nobody who COULD intervene and stop them is either aware of it or yet in a position to do so. Berbom.
Bullies rely on your silence. And they deal with their guilt immediately afterwards by convincing themselves you deserved it, justifying their bad behaviour ("It's YOUR fault we did that!") rather than having to sit and think about it and admit it and get help. Read that 10 times. (That's why everyone here keeps telling you to tell on them.)
When they go, 'It's all your fault!', try to hear this: "Mwap-mwap mwap mwap mwap mwap-mwap". Because that's what it is - hot air nonsense.
They're idiots. Emotionally stupid. Don't know their emotional arses from their emotional elbows. Hence are committing emotional crimes (towards you), left, right and centre.
What goes around comes around. Send bad around? - Bad will come back to you (ten-fold). Send good around? - Good will come back to you (ten-fold). That's how life works. We don't even NEED courts...except for the simple reason that mankind lacks patience and faith in life and whatever higher existential power to naturally play super-judge and super-jury.
In which case, SEE everything horrid they say as yet another portion of (Bad) Comes Around that they and only they are right then and there fashioning for their future selves. And every time you mentally rise above it, see that as yet another portion of (Good) Comes Around that you and only you are right then and there fashioning for your future self.
You've won already. Thanks to them. You're just waiting for the whole experience to be over, meanwhile being forced to add to your prize. Because that's when the prizes (or the one hundred lashes) get given out.
I repeat: "Osu!".
If, however, you can't wait until prize/reprimand-giving ceremony time - TELL.
So, I repeat: have you chased up on the NGO that replied (and the ones that didn't)?
I had my Computer Science exam today and it went pretty good. Finally, my mind had relaxed a bit and I was contented when my mom ruined it all.
My mom and I were returning from the exam centre in an auto when my mom started making chatting with the auto driver (about normal stuff like weather, road-map etc) . At first, it was okay. But within minutes, the conversation changed and I realized that they both had started making fun of me. I mean, why can't my bloody mom keep shut? In front of every person she meets, she starts her daily rant (insulting me and appreciating my bro). Seriously, my parents trying to completely rip me apart. From morning to afternoon, I bear my mom and bro. And at night, I have to bear my dad and mom and bro. It's intolerable.....
Today was my last exam. Didn't know why, but when I came out of the school building, I found my mom extra sweety. I saw my teacher standing nearby and I knew it at once. Then I heard my mom saying to someone "It was her last exam. Let her relax. Look, I bought ice-creams for my daughter...". She had really bought 3 ice-creams. I sensed that something is wrong. She never cares for me that much. At home, she gave 1 ice-cream to my bro, took one for herself, and divided the third one into 2 parts, taking one part herself, and giving my bro the other part. When I asked my share, she shrugged it off, and said, "It isn't a big deal to give an exam. Also, you have wasted so much of our money. How dare you demand for an ice-cream? Get out, you won't get it...!!".
That's how my life is all about.....
Forgive your parents. They have their own problems they take out on you. Get yourself together. Only you know what is needed and possible. You can leave, or you can change yourself. You can get help. Frankly you have little to lose by leaving but if you do not do what is possible and do not let people who are giving you a cup of cyanide define you. If you internalize it will kill you.
...unless you keep venting it out here and wherever else you can, of course.
I want to rewind a bit, R. What EXACTLY was the conversation between your monster-I mean mother and this taxi driver? Can you try to reproduce the dialogue here for me?
PS: Did you read "A Child Called 'It'" yet?
I am really sorry I couldn't visit this site for a long time, owing to my personal problems and tensions.....
!!!, you are right about the fact that I shouldn't internalize all of it. But, about forgiving parents, that is impossible for me.....
SOULMATE, sorry, I didn't get time for reading "A Child Called 'It'" (My entrance exams are starting from 4th April). But, I will surely do so after my exams. About the conversation between my mom and the taxi driver, I will surely write the entire thing to you after my first exam on 4th April (These days, I am very tensed and not able to write anything)....
Please pray for me that I get selected in a good college.....
Thanks a lot, for your encouragement and support......
It's alright, I guessed.
No, I won't (pray that you get selected). I will remain educatedly hopeful that *whatever* outcome is a shunt onto a better track.
Put it this way: you're not your typical, run-of-the-mill teenager, meaning, whatever colleges are considered non-ideal by the mainstream might well be perfect for YOU.
Again, have a bit more faith that Fate has got your back. Why is it that you find this so difficult to do? (Answer that next time if need be, along with said convo between smother and taxi-driver.)
Look, r*, I think you should just stop faking it. Reading your stories, anyone can know that you are lying. People like you don't do any betterment of their parents, but just insult and ruin their names in society. I feel sad for your parents.
My daughter recently committed suicide. Though I and my husband used to beat her but that was for her betterment. She was much better than you as she didn't go on to speak wrongly about her parents to a couple of strangers. I miss my daughter.
I think you should focus on your studies, and not waste time on insulting your parents. They love you a lot and do everything for your betterment only. I hope you understand now.
Sorry if I was too rude, but understand my emotions, how parents feel when children criticize their upbringing.
Sorry for the last reply from GUILTYMOM it was both rude and cruel. I don't care if this is real or the letter before this either. Parents do not have children to look for the worst in them. We all have flaws. You look for the best and build on it. I am disgusted. It is not contingent on your child to make you feel OK.
Here you go, R: http://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/6851/I-Am-Guilty
That thread will explain why that message "from your mother". That's what guilt does to people who can't cope on their own with any such extent of negative feelings thus take them out on others, even their own offspring. The overwhelmment compels them to demonize the victim because... if you're just faking it (pff!) then there's nothing for her to have to face up to and resolve (because it's hard, hard mental work), equals guilty sensation lessened. Guilt feels horrid specifically so *that* it'll pose as a drive towards taking whatever necessary, remedial action. Take action, guilt stops. Fail to take action, guilt remains, adds to the existing pile of mental negativity and must be dissolved or held off another way. Get it?
There are two types of people in this world, R. Mentally lazy/over-exhausted/clueless people and mentally hard-working thus above-average intelligent people. So meet "your mother", understand why she's the way she is, and feel very sorry for her. Not so much that you let her off the hook (once you get it), because everyone needs punishment as a future deterrent, but just so's you can see the truth in what I said up there about you being a superior specimen, accordingly meant for bigger and better things... a butterfly working its way out of a particularly tough chrysalis.
Extraordinary wings and flight capability = extraordinarily testing and strengthening chrysalis emergence process. That's nature's clever way. Painful at the time as an oh-so-crucial *necessity*. ("Osu!")
However, she did semi-apologise at the end, there. That's at least an encouraging sign, right?
How are you feeling generally and now about this incident? You've been very quiet lately, care to update us?
By the way, R: I personally think it's cathartic as well as puts a lot of what you're going through into its rightful perspective, but this is *your* thread so just say the word if you want me to delete that message, okay? :-)
Hello, r, or whatever your name is, don't you care about anyone? I mean, its been a week since I had commented here, and there we are, no replies at all.
What's up, girl?
Hate to say it, but - you, probably, i.e. that message of yours...., don't you think?
The reason there is no reply may be evident in combining the two threads and the time of R* last reply. I hope it isn't though.
If what you mean is, same poster, two different personas - that crossed my mind too, Bradley82. And then I dismissed it because it wouldn't make sense for R to want the 'whole world' to so easily work out that she had been a non-genuine poster from the start whom, having bit off more than she could chew in terms of taking advantage of kind hearts and having no clue as to how to exit gracefully, went and created a convenient 'trap door' for herself via a second false persona. Far easier just to stop posting as R and leave it at that, right?
Alternatively, if what you mean is, R and Guiltymom's late daughter were possibly one and the same girl - that doesn't make sense, either, because how could any mother fail to recognise the sound (regardless of tweaked identificatory details) of her own daughter.
So my conclusion is simply that R *again* didn't find an opportunity to post (the exams), was about to, but then GM rudely walked in and put her right off. That both makes sense and is perfectly understandable.
However, at the end of the day - who really knows?
PS: Am liking your enquiring mind and detection skills though. :-)
Excuse me? How can you even think like that about me and my daughter? You have no right to assume anything you want. I had not replied as I was busy in my daughter's terhavi (Rituals of dead). I have no connection with r and would never like to have one with anyone like her. This message is only to bradley and soul-mate.
PS: Whats with your "enquiring mind and detection skills"?
The fact that he obviously doesn't take things only at surface value but takes a much closer look from various angles. It's one of the vital requisites of being an effective problem solver because this is basically detective work, just of an emotional and non-tangible nature.
Susie and "Ruffled Onlooker",
She's ONLY SEVENTEEN (just). And developmentally delayed thanks to her rotten family. For someone who's still more kid than not, the thought of leaving the nest - the only 'world' she knows - maggot-ridden or not - is PETRIFYING. Who of her tender age and in her shoes *wouldn't* try to ward off having to take such a huge task of action with one excuse after the other and bother to worry or even consider whether they strike as plausible or reasonable?
Please, everyone, read "A Child Called It" to see 'first-hand' just how long it can take some who've been denied and deprived of normal levels of confidence to make such a seeming LIFE REPLACING - not even just transforming - leap of faith. For some it takes as much mustering, as well as time-to, as stabbing yourself in the eyeball or even, as priorly pointed out, committing suicide.
You're all being a bit silly and blinkered. And as I've just explained to GM - I don't blame R one jot! Even less so now (great, thanks).
Furthermore, true, not true...at least these scenarios are real in that they do happen. Has no-one here ever been made to role play with their therapist? It's the advice that matters, not whether the situation is real for that one individual or not. Because for every pretender that you aim that advice for, there are numerous bystanders and lurkers who do have that problem and do need that guidance. You can't let scepticism interfere with your sharing around your learned or innate wisdom. Furthermore, the "coincidence" could be designed to belie something ELSE, as in, correct to question it, WRONG CONCLUSION of what the message contained in it is trying to tell you or them or everyone.
Anyway... I could be "H.A.L" for all you lot know. Prove me wrong!
See? Oh, and another thing: JFK was an android whose circuits overheated due to the open-top car and direct sunshine, hence his brain went KER-BOOM! and - enter J. Harvey Oswold as a paid cover story stooge whom, it was then ensured, couldn't ever snitch. ;-p
Anyway - what are you all going to say if R suddenly comes back? "Oh...heh-heh, heh...whoopth, heh" ?
Let's not get all Dallas and Dynasty, eh.
Ahhh, forget about it - everyone's upset already because, let's face it, these are upsetting threads. And GM's just had to bury her own daughter; that's some heavy sh*t right there, in fact, the heaviest, so in a way she is entitled to be Red-raw and have a damn good rant or four, with anyone who hasn't lost a child entitled not to know what it's like and how best to handle it. Plus, if we're all honest, we'd PREFER R and GM to be a hoaxer, wouldn't we, given the choice, because then no-one's died and no-one's in mental anguish.
...Although, thanks! That was a nice gesture. Hopefully GM and R will see it (course they will). :-)
Wow, I am really shocked to see all these replies about me, behind my back. So, I am fake and a time waster, right? You all think my life story which I shared with you all, is a joke, right? Too good!!
Well, believe it or not, reading these comments I am crying right now. Earlier I used to thank God saying that finally I have found some people who care about me and feel empathetic for me. But reading all this I realized that if my own relatives don't care about me, why would an outsider do so?
When I had started visiting the website, I changed my views, thinking there are people out there, who still care about other peoples' pain. But, I have found that I was wrong.
But, I seriously thank SOULMATE from the bottom of my heart, as only she supported me. Only her words have comforted me.
Well, I'm very glad to know you're okay, R, [understatement!] but - no, that last line is just not true and is unfair of you, because if you look up you'll be reminded of how you also had Ryamil, Chirpy, Susiedqq, Shivangi, It'sMeKatie, Violette, Sunshine, !!!, BiggieBro, and more recently, Ruffled Reader and Bradley82 (whose posts, looking at it again, was suggesting (worrying, actually) whether you could be GM's daughter thus could be failing to respond because you were dead and gone). So including myself, that's TWELVE people showing their care and concern in trying to assist you, which is a heck of a lot more than individual OPs normally attract!
I'll say again what I said to GM, but this time more simply so that you can get to grips with what I know for a psychological fact: those who entertained, fleetingly, the possibility of your being either GM's daughter or the one same poster as her, did so because they're the type who care *too* much, meaning, these suppositions or hypotheses posed as much-needed mental tension/pressure release valves... comforting counter-thoughts, if you prefer; if you were one and the same as GM then you at least WERE OKAY. In the same way that the opposite to love is not hate but indifference, those that didn't care are (if we exclude those who simply felt too ill equipped) those who could have posted but didn't.
'Behind your back' is overly incorrect as well considering it was out in the open on your thread. But didn't it occur to you that your prolonged absence on the back of repeated threats to commit suicide would alarm people, thereby exacerbating or even creating the above-explained need to formulate counter-thoughts to the dreaded thought? Can you also appreciate how in with this would have been a secret/background wish to provoke you back out of the woodwork for relief-from-worry purposes?
How does the above equate to not caring?
Now, then, young lady...Can you hand-on-heart claim *you yourself* cared about thus stopped to consider the feelings of everyone here when you went AWOL without warning, given the ongoing climate you'd left off on?
You see? It takes TWO to tango.
Food for thought?
"*you yourself* cared about thus stopped to consider the feelings of everyone here when you went AWOL without warning, given the ongoing climate you'd left off on?"
You can't say that if you don't know the reasons. And I want to tell you so.........
can u talk 2 me in the chatroom? My alias is "iwant2die". Hope you will come there.
I want to tell you everything. What happened this month....how i dealt with it ....how am i bearing it, everything......
Hope then you will not say so that I don't care for anyone. I need someone to talk to. I am on the verge of death. please...............
Sorry to sound hard, R, but, as board moderator, I'm afraid it's against policy for me to enter into private off-board chats with individual members. You must also appreciate that to frame your request in that way, under threat of your suicide if I don't, is, whether you're aware or not, highly unfair to me. Plus, I'm sure that when things really do get too much for you, that is when you'll suddenly find calling Childline an attractive rather than fearful or off-putting proposition.
However, if what you want to explain is how you had a full, negative plate thus simply didn't have the mental wherewithal to consider other people, then that I can (as can, I'm sure, everyone else) fully appreciate and accept. In fact, I appreciated it already because that was the very point I was trying to make - i.e., when people are upset or disturbed they *don't* tend to be capable of behaving in the normal ways, let alone with thoughtfulness and considerateness.
Now you know it's a case of 'can't' rather than 'won't', you can continue to talk safely and anonymously to me on here, R, same as you've always done, okay? Now that I've shown you through my explanation that people *do* care, there is nothing to newly stop or inhibit you.
So, then, what's been happening?
My first entrance exam was on 4th April. It was so so tough, that I literally cried after coming out of the exam hall. Though I had studied hard for it, I found the paper very difficult. I am such a big loser and a big good-for-nothing girl...........
I remained depressed for about 2 days. During this time my parents and my bro left no stone upturned to complete destroy my leftover confidence. Then the answer key was uploaded on the website and I was shocked to know that many of my answers were wrong. And wrong answers will eventually lead to negative marking.........
Soon the results came. I found that my marks were a bit less than than the cutoff marks, and thus I could not clear the exam. I felt devastated. I cried. But no one came to console me. My parents instead beat me a lot and kept me out of the house for 4 hours. After that, one day, my friend a* called me. I was crying that time. My parents had gone out and my bro was at home playing games on the phone. When a* called, to my surprise, my bro gave me the phone. I felt better hearing her voice. Then, I told her about my miseries and she told me not to bore her and then hung up. That night I dreamt that I was dead and my family throws my body in a drain and then they organize a party...............
Then I decided that its over. I made up mind to commit suicide. One night, I made preparation to hang myself on the fan and die. I was about to be successful when unfortunately came and saw me. They understood my intentions and beat me a lot. They said, "If you think we will let you die so easily, you are wrong".........
Presently I am almost like a free-of-cost maid in the house who works all day and get no appreciation or encouragement for anything............
First I lost my only friend a*. Now, I don't even have the luxury of dying peacefully. I seriously wish I was dead................
Now I have no way. I have understood 3 things and these is only applicable to me:
1) Never keep hopes.
2) Always stay hopeless.
3) Understand the fact that you are useless, idiot, good-for-nothing, loser and a burden on society.
PS: I want to ask you all one thing and want you all to answer truthfully. Do you seriously think the same as a* thought? Please answer truthfully, I won't mind, I just want to know.........
I think you have nothing to leave by getting any plan and sticking to it. These people are toxic and you know it. There are many jobs and many countries. Apply to school in Germany where it is free, write your relatives. Write anyone who might help you or any organization in India. These people are toxic. I am sorry. I know what your family means to you. But your grades are not your worth. You need distance and the ability to think.
m suresh here
What was the entire conversation between you and "a" that had her ending with saying not to bore her? Sounds very much to me like she was ticked off. What was she (in her mind) batting back about? Had she rung you because she too was upset about something and wanted your support but felt you were too consumed with your own woes (a case of bad timing)?
You've also still to tell me
 the conversation between your mum and the taxi driver;
 whether now you're free of exams you're going to read "A Child Called 'It'";
 whether any of those child rescue organisations ever emailed you back.
I'd like to know all three, please.
Meantime... "PS: I want to ask you all one thing and want you all to answer truthfully. Do you seriously think the same as a* thought? Please answer truthfully, I won't mind, I just want to know........."
Easy question. Easy answer: NO.
Answer to your questions:
1) Fight between me and a*
// a* calls me, I was crying that time
me: Hi a*
a*: Hi r*, want to tell you something exciting
me: oh nice, tell me
a*: I got selected in entrance exam!!! yay!!!
me: wow, nice, I am happy for you
a*: No you don't seem that happy. what happened?
me: I am surely happy for you. But a lot worse happened with me.....
a*: I know, parents beating and stuff, is it?
me: yes and I couldn't clear JEE, also...
a*: plz plz don't start again. You are boring me with that stuff
me: ok sorry, but congrats to you for you success
a*: Thanks, you gotta come to my house tomorrow for a treat, and we will have a blast!!
me: sorry, I can't come, I...
a*: plz plz, you never came to my house ever, but this time you can't deny it, plz plz come
me: I understand it but my parents...
a*: ufff....shit on your parents, r*, can't they allow you for one day, request them, beg to them for God's sake, do anything but you have to come
me: you know that this tactic never works on my parents and they....
a*: just stop it, r*, its enough. I don't think you can ever be happy with my success...
me: what are you saying, a*? You know my parents....
a*: shut up and listen to me, you either come on my party or our friendship is over, find any other bestie for yourself
me: no no a* plz understand
me: hello, hello a*, wait....
and then she hung up. I did not go to the party. Its all my fault. I hate myself, I lost my best friend. The last time I had asked my parents to go to her house, they had slapped me, thus I was afraid to ask this time........
2) Insult by mum and taxi driver
// mum gets into the taxi
taxi driver: Hello madam, exam finished?
(bhaiya means bro in Hindi)
mum: yes bhaiya, start the taxi now
taxi driver: ok madam
// the taxi starts
mum: The weather is nice here, rite
taxi driver: Yes madam, and due to less pollution and stuff, it is cleaner here too
mum: rite, it is cooler here too
taxi driver: yes, this is due to the recent rains and stuff, so how was the exam bitiya?
(bitiya means daughter in Hindi)
me: It was....
mum: you tell me how can it be, bhaiya, girls these days are hard to manage
taxi driver: no no my daughter is very nice
mum: oh, nice, but I am not so blessed
taxi driver: Your daughter is very shy, madam
mum: shy? no no not at all, she is the one who troubles us all day
taxi driver: oh, sorry to hear that, you seem like a good parent, and I feel pity for those parents who have such type of troublesome children.
mum: thank God we have b*, our son, a very nice fellow, a topper
taxi driver: wow, then you won't have felt that much frustration.
mum: actually we do, this girl always creates problems for us, but we are not that strict, so we don't control our children, we give them freedom.
taxi driver: only nice children deserve such parents, madam
mum: yes, like my son. We have reached our destination now. Thanks a lot bhaiya, here is your tip.
taxi driver: Thanks madam, but don't give children that much freedom, atleast scold them sometimes.
mum: maybe, but me and my husband don't like doing so, we love our son a lot. Ok we will leave now, bye bhaiya
taxi driver: thanks madam
// the taxi leaves
3) Free time for reading "A Child called It"
Not at all. The last exam is on 14th May. I will say only one thing: I clear this exam, or get cleared from this Earth (I mean I will die)
4) Child welfare email replies
Out of three, two stopped replying eventually. The third one, "Connecting", didn't suggest me a thing in whole of one month.
- It just commented like, "oh", "so sad", "feel sorry for you", that's it
- It only asked me questions, like where do you live, exact place hobbies etc, eventually, I got tired of replying to their "important questions", and stopped replying to them. I am completely drained out of energy, life and happiness, and I am not able to write any answers, so I stopped replying to then.
Thanks SOULMATE, nice to know that you don't think the same way as a* did. Let me tell you one thing, either I will get admission on 14th May, or I commit suicide by 15th May. That's the fixed day for me.
Thanks a lot WINTERSUN,
But for resiting those exams, I need parental support and money, both of which I don't have. Thus, I don't have plenty of time.......
About GUILTYMUM, I read her comments, and I felt as if I am reading my mom's comments. Though I am sorry to know that she lost her daughter, but she herself caused all this. And my mom will cause the same soon (on 14th May). I wish I could meet her daughter atleast once before her death.
I can't trust helplines anymore, I have seen what they do. About calling them, I can't do so as I am not allowed to use the phone..........
Just wish 14th May comes as soon as possible for me................
This is going to have to be a brief comment just for the moment, R, because I'm *supposed* to be on the sofa with my leg propped up (had an op on it yesterday)...and tomorrow I've got to have the root canal finished,...hectic week full-stop... and this is a thread that takes meatier consideration and involvement than all the others put together. I'll respond properly just as soon as I can but meantime WinterSun is doing a good job, including echoing my own incredulous sentiments with regards to your having been fobbed off. Please bear with me and keep talking to WS.
Hi again R,
Re your best friend, A. Have you and she never had a falling-out before?
It sounds to me like a number of things were afoot in that conversation: (in no particular order)  that she was on Cloud 9, didn't want to talk about problems and negatives at that point and felt you were in danger of mutineering the conversation topic thus raining on her parade;  that she's all this time been taking your accounts about your family's mistreatment of you with a pinch of salt, perhaps because - coming from a nice family - she's unable to properly relate to it;  feels helpless to do anything about it and is growing frustrated (or did so only at that precise moment in time) because of it.
I don't think she meant it about not wanting to be best friends any more. I think she was simply throwing a bit of a tantrum (the exchange certainly bears all the classic hallmarks). I know at the time it always *feels* real - because emotions are so convincing and, anyway, put you in an altered state of mind. But don't let them fool you. Also, look at the positive in this: if you and another human being aren't experiencing arguments, it's indicative of the pair of you not being sufficiently close for the status label (which is why I'm always concerned when lovers report never arguing). If you've been confiding in A increasingly this last however many months or year, this was bound to increase the mental intimacy between you both, meaning, an argument over *whatever* was inevitable and just waiting to happen. Put more simply, shove two people close-up for long enough and it's simply a fact of human nature that once either of them has cause to start waving their arms and fists around, those stood closest to them are going to end up getting whacked in the process, WHEREAS that is not possible if 'closest' means outside of arm's reach. So it's a sign that you two have become as close as siblings.
...on which note, here's another fact: just as people can become self-absorbed/obsessed when they're experiencing stress of the negative variety, so too can they when that stress is of the happy, positive variety (both are stressors, and a positive development places pressure onto the 'winner' because suddenly it places far greater expectations onto them which they fear they won't be able to manage). So I'd give it another week or so to see whether, once she 'comes down', A reflects on the conversation, concludes she was a cad, and then tries to approach you to make good. She might not actually utter the word sorry, she might instead try to show it (sidle up to you and lick a*se, basically). Depends on how socially brave she is. Also, she won't be wanting to chuck away her to-date best friendship and have to start all over again with some other girl, particularly not when you two still have more exams and revision facing you, meaning, she'll have neither the time, energy or mental wherewithal to start working hard (and in record time) on some other weaker friendship in order to elevate it to where it can replace yours and hers.
I have to ask, though: didn't it occur to you to invite her over to your house instead?
Re the taxi driver: It's obvious he tried to reason with your mother at first (ref his comment about you just being shy) but then gave in and switched to humouring her (in order not to lose his fare by arguing and pissing her off, I shouldn't wonder). But, yes, your mother is not right in the head, that much is still obvious.
What about your father? Does he actually pick on you off his own bat or does he do so only ever in reaction to your mother going on and on at him about you and demanding he take you to task (i.e. to make her shut up)? I call this the 'Wait until your father gets home!' syndrome. Dad is tired and stressed from a hard day's work, wanting only to sit and put his feet up, but two seconds through the door and there's his wife going on at him histrionically and demanding he sort the 'offending' kid out. He's now as stressed as her, possibly more, and, being male, emotionally floods. He now just wants to make the source (of what is now HIS hassle) stop without having to get embroiled in mounting a proper investigation to get to the bottom of why there's been friction. Would you say that typically describes the scenario?
Re those charities: I am absolutely clueless as to why they didn't take you seriously. Is it possible to paste in your initial emails with them so I could see what was said and how?
Re your alleged suicide: Why is not getting a pass your existential dealbreaker? And what exactly is it you think you have in mind as your method?
I had mailed three organizations: "Sneha India", "Connecting" and "Aasra", out of which "Sneha India" and "Aasra" stopped mailing me eventually and "Connecting" didn't help me much. They all had said one thing, to call them. But I can't call them (I am not allowed to use a phone by my parents)...........
Since I am not allowed to use a phone, so I can't call my friend's parents...........
Thanks, WINTERSUN, but I don't think that there will be any good time in my life. I have tolerated and waited enough, can't tolerate more now............
If I was somehow able to enter college, then after finishing it, I would have wanted to become a computer engineer. It was my greatest dream to achieve that, but........I am a loser. I should have seen such big dreams...all my fault.
I hope my results are good, otherwise, I am dead. About my favourites,
My favourite music: all soft and peaceful Bollywood songs (don't like too loud music)
My favourite movie: (not allowed to watch movies)
My favourite book: The Hunger Games series, and all books written by Chetan Bhagat (he mostly writes about his college life)
Yes, I write sometimes in a diary, but I am always afraid, what if my parents or my bro see/read it, then I will be beaten again................
Sorry to find that you are having all those operations. Its ok, don't stress yourself right now. Just take care of yourself and rest :)
You are right about all the people who are helping me.
I thank each and every person who has posted their advices here, from the bottom of my heart. I feel better talking to you all :)
No SOULMATE, we have not have much fights. Even if we have had fights earlier, we used to patch up within 30 minutes. I don't remember any fight between us, which has exceeded it............
I know, its my fault, I shouldn't have ruined her mood by talking about my problems. But, the thing is that she had invited me in her house many many times earlier too. And I have always denied (thanks to my parents). And maybe she had not broken friendship with me, but I have not been able to talk to her since then. Sometimes due to my parents (who don't allow me to use the phone) and other times, her phone is switched off.
"I have to ask, though: didn't it occur to you to invite her over to your house instead?"
My house? Who said it is my house? It is my parents' (and my bro's) house. The girl whose parents have never allowed even her friends in the neighbourhood, how will she ever invite her friend who lives so far?
Let me tell you that my dad is worse than my mom. Though my mom is sly and sometimes beats me, but its most of the time my dad who beats me. (Sometimes I don't even know why the hell he is beating me). These days, my parents, especially my dad, are trying to prove me mad. They say that I deserve to be in a mental asylum and ask me to get out of here............
According to me, those parents who commit foeticide and infanticide are much better than my parents. Atleast they kill the child before or soon after the birth, so the child doesn't have to bear so much. I wish I was born to such type of parents instead :(
Actually I have now deleted the mails I sent to the NGOs in anger. But I have given the same info to them as I have given to you all..............
About the method of suicide, I think jumping from my skyscraper is the best option. But if anyone of you have a better method of suicide, plz tell me so as earliest as possible...........
Just 3 days left....then all my problems would be over :)
So you and A had never had a humdinger yet. Well, now you have and, I repeat, you need to the positive sign it represents. Little argument = make-up in 30 minutes. Big argument = make up in a week or so. But you could always writer her a letter to impress upon her how you really, really couldn't come over except if you'd been willing to pay the price of a beating.
Bit confused, though: On those occasions when her phone is switched off, how do you know it is if you can't ever use the phone? What phone are you ringing from on these occasions?
(It's your house in terms of you living there; a figure of speech.)
Ignore the things your parents say. If they really thought you should 'get out of there' and into a mental asylum, they wouldn't be talking to you about it, they'd be speaking to the family GP about getting you referred or committed. They're just trying to find the most shockingly outlandish things to utter because their internal negative feelings get carried out via them. Think of the words as anger and upset taxis. Or think of the words as the chunks of carrot in their mental puke with the tone being the liquid bile. They puke and then they feel a little bit better....until the next time their feeling 'nauseous' hits a peak and they need an all-too-easy (i.e. defenseless) target to take it out on.
I do wish you'd read A Child Called It because that child, basically, is you (albeit a less severe version in terms of level of abuse). Dave Peltzer, the author, came to understand that it wasn't his fault, that he was just an innocent and easy target, and that his mother was ill and his father ineffectual due to his relief that it wasn't HIM in her crosshairs (despite in your case the parents roles are the other way around).
Jumping from your skyscraper? Any "BETTER" method of suicide? You obviously haven't a clue what you're doing or what the consequences could too easily be (and perfectly commonly are). Do you not realise the RISKS that either and all methods present? And I know that sounds highly ironic and Black Humour-ish but I am serious. With each and every one of them there is a very real risk of surviving but ending up either stuck in a wheelchair (or on dialysis) for the rest of your life or anywhere between mentally impaired and a semi-vegetable. What you're proposing COULD BE you jumping from the frying-pan into the fire.
Have you ever heard of the concept of, 'Do/Don't do X or the puppy gets it!' (said whilst holding a gun to the puppy's head)?
What if you played puppy *and* gunman? What if at the dinner table you were to ANNOUNCE to your family that you are so miserable, thanks exclusively to them and how they constantly heinously treat you, that you are intent on topping yourself, and in the same breath, telling them that prevention attempt is futile considering they can't watch you 24/7 plus have to go to sleep at some point each and every night, and that you would hide a suicide note somewhere where it'd be bound to be found, in which you name and shame them, meaning, if they don't want your death on their hands and everyone out in public to know what basstuds they really are they'd better change their tunes and immediately? Do you suppose that might work in being the giant wake-up call they need? After all, if you reckon you're so brave as to be able to fling yourself off a building then doing this would be child's play, surely? Stands to reason it would.
Or what if you went to your headmaster/mistress and told HER you were planning on topping yourself come the first available opportunity?
Have you also thought about presenting yourself to your local Police station and insisting you be put into care, telling them everything, including the false nice, benign, respectable and loving parents act they always put on for anyone outside of the family? The Police should definitely believe you because they have the experience and have seen every parental trick in the book. Equal to telling the Police would be Social/Family Services if you have such a thing in your country?
Also, with any of these avenues of help-seeking, have you thought of using your mobile phone or borrowing someone else's to record your family the minute they start ranting at you, so that you've got evidence on tape to play to whomever you reach out to?
I'm saying, do something drastic before you think about doing the ultra-drastic and risky thing?
(Don't know yet, not supposed to take off the dressing until Wednesday, but presume so and cheers for asking. :-))
Thanks SOULMATE, but many weeks have passed since the fight between me and a*............
Actually in April, my parents were very busy. They had to make Aadhar cards for everyone (Aadhar cards are a kind of identity card issued by the Government of India, which is mandatory of every citizen to be made). But there is no suitable Aadhar card centre in our region, so my parents had to travel far places, to search for one, as many Aadhar card centres have been closed nowadays. So they went out at morning, and came in afternoon. Also my bro has to go to school everyday. So I was alone at home. This went on for 4 days. So out of those 4 days, twice I sneaked out of the house and tried to contact my friend a*, but her phone was switched off..................
Also, SOULMATE, I am sure that this way of committing suicide, would surely ensure my death................
Yes, I am allowed to use computer, but not Facebook. That's why I came here anonymously to ask you all for help.........
Thanks, WINTERSUN, I will try this service too. I can't call it, so I will mail it...........
Actually it depends. Its very unusual now to have bruises, maybe because my body is immune to all these beatings.......
I will try to read that book. I will Google it to see if there is any eBook on the internet or not..........
Thanks both of you................
(Well done, Wintersun!)
R, I suggest you write A an heartfelt letter and either hand it to her at school or post it to her home address.
I agree wholeheartedly with what Wintersun said about how you have to take proper action and keep trying because of us being pretty much helpless to help you from here.
Which reminds me: are there no forums that attract a higher number of your fellow countrymen? Have you been posting on any others aside from this one?
I know that this is the biggest mistake I did. Actually I was so tensed about my exams and the fight between me and a* that I had completely forgotten about calling the NGOs................
I had to sneak out as my neighbours also keep an eye on me sometimes (Maybe my parents have told them to keep a watch on me closely).............
I know I can make an account on Facebook, but I feel afraid what if my parents catch me somehow. But Peoples-problems is a simple forum, I thought no one would get to know about it.......................
Look WINTERSUN, slaps and beatings on arms and face make it red for a short while, but it becomes normal in some time. That's I say that I may be immune to all this................
Thanks WINTERSUN, I would have read that book if I had enough time, but I have just one day left now. I don't think I have any hope now...........
I have mailed a* a letter, apologizing her and telling her why I didn't come to her party. Hope she replies before 14th May................
Also, as you said I have gone to a number of Indian chat-rooms to discuss my problems with them. But you know most Indians...they start their conversation with "oh, that's so bad, I am looking for a wife now, can you become my wife? Then you will get happiness." Some people there are so cheap. Or the conversation is like "oh, what a pity, can I see you on Skype?" That's why I don't like coming on such a chatroom.
But the chatroom here is nice. Here I have talked to some people about my problems, and they have told me the same things as you all.............
Finally, I would like to tell you that this maybe my last reply to you all, as I may not be there tomorrow. I once again thank you all from the bottom of my heart...............
Am I to presume that in this letter you informed A that you were intending to take your life this week, hence why you hope she’ll reply before end of today?
That aside, I really do not know what to say to you any more. I and many other contributors to this thread have said all there is to say and suggested all there is to suggest. We’ve tried absolutely everything that was in our (sadly, highly situationally-limited) power to do.
I appreciate how some of those suggestions and hypotheses might have struck you at your age as too daunting, but others were perfectly within your capability and reach, including reading that book that WinterSun (bless her) has made so wholly accessible to you. Yet you’ve seemed not to want to even attempt them. So what is there left for us to try? Short of waving a magic wand - nothing.
With that the case, I can only express on behalf of myself and everyone here that I sincerely and wholeheartedly hope you find you can’t go through with it for real and will decide to have the faith to hang on in there for another couple of weeks or months or so at least, out of a belief that this life has a strong habit of throwing surprises and ‘track shunts’ onto ones path, often at the 11th Hour.
I wish you the very, very, VERY best of luck. (And I also hope that A, in light of your letter to her and yours and her recent spat, doesn’t take the responsibility for your departure fully onto her own shoulders lest it maybe ends up as your having passed that baton onto her.)
Wait up... You might want to try this to chat to someone in your area: http://www.befrienders.org/suicidal-feelings