I would appreciate an opinion!
I would really appreciate an opinion about my situation, since I am not sure what to do about it.
One year ago and a half, I started a relationship with a great guy1 who was really caring and interested in me. I didn't had the whole excitement thing going on in my mind, but I enjoyed that new start. One month later, I met a guy2 via mutual friends and we talked a little bit, but not something special (I mean I didnt felt like flirting).A couple of days later I left my hometown and went back to the town I attend college. My relationship with guy1 continued, but during that time I was talking with guy2 through internet because we had lots of subjects to discuss and a lot of chemistry in our form of communication. A couple of months passed and I realised that I started to have feelings for guy2. I was thinking about him and I ve been obssesed about our communication. Guy2 had the same feelings for me and he couldnt let go so then it was when the problem began. I don't know why, but back then I had convinced myself that I should remain with guy1 and don't allow myself to talk to guy2. I know it sounds stupid,however the relationship with guy1 was good and I didnt want to ruin it. I thought I had never given time and space for feelings to grow and I didnt want to let things go just because I ve been impulsive with guy2. The games such as ''we must not talk to each other'' or ''we don't talk but here is a haunting song with all those lyrics that remind of you'' started between guy2 and me. It was an awful situation because I was torturing him and myself and I was cheating emotionally on guy1. I blame all this to emotional frustration, unexperience and immaturity.
Three more months passed with that passion with guy2, until two things happened. The first thing was that I felt really tired by all this and the second thing was that I started showing signs of breakup to guy1. The whole break up procedure lasted two months and during that time I felt empty and aloof, even for guy2. So,when I broke up I still felt tired or better..it was like I ve forgotten my whole passion for guy2. Guy2 was starting to move on but I couldnt deal with it. However I ''woke up'' soon, but it was too late. Guy2 was starting a new relationship. I felt devasted. Unfortunately all my compressed feelings were expelled from me to him and he run away even further. I told him that if he wasnt in love with his new girlfriend (of two weeks), he should give us a chance, but we ended all this in very bad terms. He seemed like he didnt want to talk to me again.
I didnt contact him for more than three months. Then I send him a silly/funny video that was supposed to ease things but he reacted really bad. He said that he was suspicious and that he didnt want to deal with me because he had a hard time with his realationship. More months passed without any contact. The last months he sends me some songs once in a while and we have same short chats which are...horrible. They are empty, uncomfortable and show that we have been disconnected.
So you might wonder..why am I not accepting it, move on and deal with the fact that it was my fault. I tried to, but I cant. I miss him very much. It was a special thing and I cant believe that there is nothing there anymore. Both of us had many emotions and excitement and I guess thats not very very common. We never tried to be together and I wonder if there is hope that feelings might flow again.
I must add something important. He was never in love with his girlfriend and I think that they are in break up stage.
I am pretty sure that he has lost his feelings for me and all that excitement, but I would be willing to try to remind him that I am the same person he once fell in love with. I dont want to force anything because things like that cant be forced. At least I would like to make him talk or became less cold. I am afraid I lost him because I begged him back then.
This whole story has haunted me and I need a sign to decide whether I am in or out.
Thanks a lot for reading this, thanks a lot for your time!
It was mostly through internet but I saw him in person several times. We touched..like hands etc but nothing more.
Hm..Is there anyone else that wants to share an opinion?