Hey, I just want to ask some opinions. I have a friend I have known for a few years who always says they are too busy to go do something together.
They always say they are too busy or they can't because they are too tired, yet they somehow have time to hang with their other friends. They say they are not taking me for granted and that I am their closest of friends, but how can this be if they keep refusing to do stuff. Seriously it has been years of it and I may see them once every 4 or 5 months at worst and once every 2 to 3 months at best, but talk on the phone or text a few times a week. If I bring it up, they say they aren't and send smiley faces, as if I'm being silly, but the evidence speaks for itself surely? I find it patronizing when they reply that they just don't have time and say it's because their other mates are more than just one person, they need to make time for them individually, so why am I not included in that? They say I am, but if they do acknowledge that I am not included ( I rarely bring it up, except over the last few weeks as it is really getting on my wick they keep going out with other mates and use the same excuses on me ) they just say, your opinion is valid.
They're a nice person and go out of their way to help people, I have other mates I hang with on a regular basis but this really annoys me and they know it.
Any ideas as to what's going on with them?
If it bothers you then tell them. You know they do not feel the way you do and like things as they are. If you don't either you need to drop your friend or straighten it out.
You're right. I have told them and they say stuff like "you opinion counts". That's like something you'd get after a market research survey haha.
Truth is yes, they are happy with the way it is and it is partially my fault as I let it go on for years, I think I've sorted it out in my own mind, you might be right I should maybe cut my losses and end the friendship, the good bits are awesome but this always being put on the back burner really gets to me. I've mentioned it only a handful of times in a few years, mainly due to whenever I do, they get mad and make me out to be a bad guy for asking to meet up, saying they are too busy and have other priorities, then I'll apologise and it's cool, next thing you know they are are out on a last minute night out with other mates. I end up sounding like I am whinging, which is a far cry from my usual self. I genuinely think they aren't going to change, and tbh why should they if this is how it has always been, I on the other hand don't want to spend any more time chasing after someone who doesn't want to spend time with me, it's no good for me or them.
Think it's time I cut my losses.
Update: The friend, without any real coercing, actually put some plans on hold to come meet me, which was surprising to say the least and tbh, and we had a good time. was all I was after.
Obviously your last complaint conveyed lots of little elusive communication signals that distinguished it palpably from all prior empty versions, as upgraded it to a sincere final warning..a heralder of what was to logically and inevitably follow as your mind processed from there (".......you're fired!"). In other words, people can tell when you're serious and about to make it manifest into whichever corresponding action, just as much as when you're *not* or when merely not sure *enough* (thus *not* about to make it manifest in action). Whenever they detect that sincerity is when they step up (if able/capable).
In other words, people will treat you as well or badly as you (signal you will continue to) LET them.
So in a way, you *did* cut your losses, didn't you... namely, your 'habit' of issuing warnings you weren't prepared to follow up on yet.
(Just a little going home pressie.