Nope, not a lil bit insane. Just a lot of a bit human (i.e. wholly insane, LOL).
And news for you: you did *not* break up with her. What defines a break-up is the fact you never get back together. So you didn't break up with her, FACT. Subsequent events prove you just wobbled and ran off for a bit (to chill, think and regain your confidence and courage) until she persuaded you (all too easily) back.
Same play, different actors.
Scary stuff, falling in love and that ongoing, increasing state feeling as potentially heavenly as equally potentially lethal, huh. It's not for wimps, that's for sure. But what will help is this: never mind - EVER! - what your typically silly head thinks. Actions speak louder (and can't lie when sustained). So just ignore your own blah-blahs and keep watching what your FEET want and do.
Staying with her solely for her benefit, my bottom. You're not *SAINT* JAYJAYBANKSBRUHH.
Those blah-blahs are trying to convince you through us back to you, that you've only just NOW realised she and you don't happen to use the same catch-all label to describe your moral settings and existential beliefs. Yuh, right. Trust me, those differences would have somehow waved hello (and brought you to goodbye) WAY before now. Same goes for her being lifelong attractive rather than merely half-life, on-paper well-proportioned and symmetrical (- attractiveness wins because unlike so-called good looks it never fades, sags or wrinkles).
Yer avin a larf. They're just excuses and stand-ins for the real reason, which is this: "Eeeek, mummayyyy!!!!".
You mean SOCIALLY proud, anyway. Sod your immediate society because that society won't sleep in your bed with you every night, always hold your interests equal or superior to their own, sh*g you silly, spend Xmas and holidays with you, nurse you when you're ill, support you when you're down/confused, double or thereabouts your financial clout, and generally add to your force whereby you feel you can face anything life throws at you because you are now an entity comprised of TWO.. etc., etc., etc.
But I'd advise you to from now on TELL HER if ever you're having a "typical male-newly-in-love wobble" and just need to calm yourself down for one or two days (or better yet, let her help talk you down considering she sounds like the more chilled and sensible one). Because if you make a habit of making her believe - even if only for a few days at a time - that you've chucked her, due to the immensity of its impact on her psyche she'll pretty soon adapt to the in-betweenie times as feature her clearly and comprehensively imagining what life without you once more will be like. Once that concept inevitably ceases to scare her (desensitization), she'll then progress to realising she needs to find a man who DOESN'T keep pulling the very floor out from under her feet thus head-f***ing her worse than any monthly PMT/PMS. (And trust me on this - there are plenty of guys who WOULD be proud to have a girl with a wholly attractive heart.) By then, what with you all along having merely just been wobbling, you'll be back on here going, 'Whaaaaaaaaah, the best thing that ever happened to me is GONE and is never coming back, I can't take the pain, aaaaargh!'.
Ultimately, it depends, though, doesn't it... on whether you want to lead your life according to what makes other people happy first, yourself second. Nah. Own oxygen mask FIRST. After all, they're not going to live their life with *your* opinions at the top of their agendas, are they. If YOU love her and enjoy her company and find her a turn-on both mentally and physically, that's all that matters. ALL THAT MATTERS. 'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.' (- Bernard M Baruch).
"To be honest she has nearly every quality I would ever look for in a woman"
Rare. Very rare. Especially for a first ever girlfriend. So 'Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth' (- John Heywood). He also said, 'A good beginning makes a good ending'.
GOOD that you're wobbling (think about it). If you weren't, I'd be telling you to say, 'Neeeext!'
In other words, you don't wobble when the girl doesn't, overall in whatever ways, light your candle.
Why did you start dating her in the first place? Has anything changed. How serious are you about Christianity because dude, if you're afraid of being alone you need to go chat with God.
That's not to say there aren't plenty of people who, whenever these doubts and fears threaten, cope so well you couldn't tell from looking at them that they're suffering. But the point is wanting something or wanting to keep it so much that fear of loss occurs to you, the solution then being to ensure you don't let those fears overwhelm you whereby they can affect your behaviour and choices. Fear is contagious, and behaviour and actions communicate just as much as speech, so if you behave or act from a place of fear you can set your partner off. And then you're *both* thinking and behaving like idiots.
But I think you'll find refusing to date him for three months to test whether he'd stick around thus was genuine *is* a wobble, and one you let loose outside of you. Just not your more typical chimp-screeching-in-tree one.
Yup, religion and just not finding her attractive are MAJOR - to you. Have you been really honest with her about these things?
Three months is not so long - So let this wonderful gal go so she can find a fellow who is more into her, spiritually and physically.
- and you should find your next pretty little gal at church or learn to like being alone.
This thread has expired, but why not create your own?