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Friendship advice

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Relationship advice I recently applied for an Assistant Manager position at a higher end athletic wear company. I just threw my application out there, didn’t really tell anyone because I honestly didn’t expect a reply. One of my best friends is a fanatic of this brand and had put in her application to work the floor something like 6 months ago. I knew she had done it but thought nothing of it. I get a call back and when I share the news with her it did not go down well. She’s beyond mad and says that her feelings are hurt because I went behind her back when I applied. She’s saying I shouldn’t be taking the interview and that if I’m offered a position it will be difficult for her to get over. I’m torn. Shouldn’t a friend care that an opportunity has presented itself to me? Or was what I did really underhanded? Did I swoop in on this opportunity? I feel like the only way to rectify this is to cancel my interview.

Friendship advice

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Don't you dare cancel that interview!! I REAL friend would be happy for you.Also you stated that she had applied like 6 months before so it's not like you did anything behind her back.Obviously she didn't get the job or else you would have heard her say something about it months ago IF they had picked her...You go to that interview and good luck.You friend should be there for you..if she gives you more lip...then you need to re evaluate your friendship because friends should always be there for one another and no petty jealousy allowed.

Friendship advice

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Yep, friends should always be there for one another.

The fact of the matter is that you DID go behind her back because you knew full well that she'd have been highly unlikely to have felt anything BUT betrayed in the event of your own interview application proving successful where hers HAD YET fact, just the mere fact of you having APPLIED, never mind selected for an interview.

Of all the jobs in all the world, you had to include THAT one in your so-called indiscriminate 'throwing out of applications'. Yet you can't seriously claim you didn't care about the job or why else are you [1] even considering attending the interview (having obviously told them YES, not, 'I'll have to get back to you') or [2] making a special effort to TELL someone about it, let alone her of all people?

Further, [3] why the attempt to spin total passivity to us with the words, 'just threw out' and 'an opportunity has presented itself'. Er, no, an opportunity did NOT "present itself". YOU PRESENTED YOURSELF TO *IT*, AFTER WHICH, IT *RESPONDED*.

It might sound like no big deal on paper, but, me, I'm imagining myself actually stood in her shoes and more sensitive than I am, so - I repeat - knowing full well ALL ALONG how fruit loopy she was about the company and the thought of working there - it's underhanded and disloyal to have continually kept your application a secret from her despite COUNTLESS chances to have come clean, as well as disingenuous to only now act all surprised at the strength of her negative reaction.

A real friend would be happy for you had you NOT encroached so furtively and seemingly self-centredly and disloyally onto what she clearly saw as her territory, in the process ending up within reach of HER dream prize.

You can call it thoughtlessness and inconsiderateness as if to suggest accident, but I'm sorry - just the mere NAME of the place would have brought her and her burning desire to mind - every.. single.. time. It's called Thought Association and not one sane or mentally fully-functioning human is impervious to it.

So I don't buy this butter-wouldn't-melt act, meaning, if it was guilt assuaging via third parties you were after, I'm afraid you'll have to count me out. The time for feeling guilty was [1] *before* you 'threw out' your application and then again [2] *before* you accepted the interview offer, and then AGAIN [3] *before* you picked up the phone to - notably! - tell her of all people...and in fact, as stated, every single step of the way.

And frankly, had you come on here reporting a roles reversed situation, I suspect everyone would have saying, whaddabizc, what a thing to do to a best friend, and no she SHOULDN'T accept that interview or she'll be showing she values her work life FAR more than the chance to keep hold of a supposedly dear friendship, let ALONE having the good manners to pre-consider her feelings.

But, sure, take the interview. You may not get it, of course. But you will, if your friend has any sense of self-worth, lose a friend. Oh, but you know this now, don't you.

You're not surprised and you're not torn, IMO. Rather, I suspect, coming on here for justifications-collecting purposes because you didn't bank on her reacting as strongly as she did (i.e. you under-estimated her), but on seeing she HAS, are only NOW considering doing the right thing. That is not care or empathy, that is you seemingly STILL thinking about what is in YOUR best interests to do. So either you're lacking in empathy even for those closest to you OR you have some other agenda forcing you to sacrifice and ignore it.

What is this - your need to show her you're as good as her or better? You sticking it to her over something she once did to you? You SURE you two are best friends? Or just best competitors.

If the latter is the truer case then that at least changes things in terms of redemption: specifically, it would convert what you've done from somewhat despicable to just plain SENSIBLE (albeit hard-hearted), because it would mean you're genuinely NOT bothered about losing what is only a pretend friendship (on the basis that it couldn't/wouldn't last long-term anyway) - ultimately meaning, you'll still have a use for an acquaintance with her if you don't get the job but can finally move on from her if you do.

So WHICH? If *she's* not a true friend to you, then fine (well, not fine but better). If she is and would probably would (or would have) remained so for life, then, we're back to 'tut-tut'.

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