I really need help. I hope I'm not being too graphic. Well here goes, my mom passed almost 3 years ago. While at her funeral, I ran into my high school sweetheart. (we've talked throughout the years) Well we started talking more regularly and from that we started to date. I really think I just needed someone to take my mind off losing my mom. Anyway, I was having the time of my life. It was like being in high school all over again. We vacationed together, shopped together and overall had so many things in common. Let me mention that I was raised very strict so we never had sex while I was in high school. After we started dating, it took us about 4 months to have sex. Sex with him was bad but by then I had fallen back in love with him and thought it would get better over time. When I say bad I mean he never lasted more than 1 min. I forgot to mention I was 44 and he was 46 at that time. I honestly didn't think I could get pregnant at the age of 44. I have 2 adult kids from a previous marriage. Anyway, 4 months after we started having sex, I became pregnant. I told him the day I found out and he became very quiet. I totally understand because this man has never been married and doesn't have any kids. He never told me how he felt but I do know that he doesn't believe in about. I am very pro-choice. He never told his family anything about the baby until the day he was born. They all fell in love with the new addition. Everybody loves our little guy. First problem began when he only wanted to buy pampers and did nothing else for the first year of his life. Well I eventually had to change daycares and the cost doubled. He now pays half. His half is only 400.00 a month. He doesn't do anything else for him. I am a govt employee of 26 years so I'm pretty stable and my salary is six figure but I also have bills that I am responsible for along with my newest son. My oldest son just graduated college and my middle son is 17 and in high school. Anyway, our son will be 2 this summer and this man has stopped all kind of intimacy. We used to kiss for hours, rub and just have fun. (before we started having sex) We even continued to have sex all during my pregnancy. After our son was born it all stopped. We've have sex 3 times since my son was born. 2 times in 2013 and 1 time in 2014. I've mentioned this to him several times. He had the nerve to say one time that it was Easter and he wasn't having sex on Easter because that's a serious holiday to him. The next time I said to him we haven't had sex this year. This was in July of 2014. He had the nerve to say that he didn't realize it had been that long. We had sex in August after I mentioned to him that we hadn't had sex all year. Again, his forplay was wonderful but intercourse was like 4 humps and it was over. Once he ejaculated before he even put it in. He lives 200 miles away but we still see each other often. I told him that this relationship has been over a long time ago. He said he "please don't let it end this way". His family seems to think I'm the best thing that has ever happened in his life. I told his sister that I couldn't take this anymore. She said "no please don't do this. you have brought him further than anyone has. They really have no clue that I am miserable. I can't live like this. Sex is not everything but it is important. I am going to give him until our little guy turns 2. That will be 3 years that I have given him while receiving very little in return. I just want to cry. I love my son to death and his dad can always be a part of his life but its really time for me to move on. I just think its something weird going on. Either he is gay or has erectile dysfunction. I asked him if he needed to tell me something, he told me that it would best be discussed with his doctor. Then the next time he told me that he just felt empty and that he was out of fellowship with God. He said his soul was troubled. I asked him if it was troubled when he wanted to have sex all the time before the baby was born. Please help me. I have to end this and very soon. I'm starting to be very short with him and I think he knows why. He's also very cheap. I don't have time for a 48 year old cheap man who doesn't want to have sex. Maybe he's asexual. It would explain why he's never been married and has only has a couple of relationships since we left high school. He's always saying women cheat all the time. I heard from his sister that one of the relationships he was in before me ended because the girl cheated. If he put her through what he is putting me through, I don't blame her at all. Any advice. Sorry, I know this reads like a novel.
Few things im noticing as men age their sex drive changes for one, so there’s that possibility.
When you told us that his sister pleaded for him on his behalf that was quite revealing to say the least. Whether in age or not, it could very well come across as though he is the youngest of his siblings, receiving preferential treatment and what not in youth and even as an adult. Verification of this would reveal more.
Another thing marriage means commitment to one person and one alone, (of course this is referring to our cultures) and it is a huge step into opening growth opportunities that we otherwise would not have. Without these growth opportunities we seriously handicap ourselves. The concept is exactly like an individual who had the opportunity to learn how to read and write, but chose to decline it and as a result it is evident throughout their lives or up until the point where they learn how to do so.
By him having no kids at his age tells me this, maturing into fatherhood or gaining the experiences of fatherhood was something that he didn’t ever really care about, or that he periodically thought about but never really planned, or didn’t want the responsibilities that came with such a title. When you said he was quiet. That was also somewhat revealing. Your sentence of, “He never told me how he felt but I do know that he doesn't believe in about.” I want to assume you meant to say “abortion,” if that’s the case that tells me that he really has thought about fatherhood. Because eventually a single guy is going to take having a baby and the implications thereof into more of a detailed breakdown if he hasn’t already.
He wasn’t mad, so anger usually is the emotion that hides fear. People only fear what they don’t know, so this reveals that he really has studied about fatherhood and even may have some experience with children. To what extent can be seen through the fact that he is comfortable enough to (and please do not be offended.) be with a woman who has kids of her own. Men who aren’t its because they are uncomfortable, and if they’re uncomfortable it’s because they are not familiar with a single moms situation or kids in general. This would make sense as to why he may be comfortable dating a woman with children. He must therefore get along well with your kids to a degree at least. (if my calculations are correct)
On the flipside he wasn’t ecstatic or even happy you even said yourself that you don’t know how he felt about it. Which tells me that first he wasn’t at all prepared to have a kid. Second that the image in his mind at that moment was probably something like. A cyclist riding alongside a bunch of parked cars and suddenly a door opens… Would have been funny for everyone else to see but not for the cyclist waking up in the hospital 2 weeks later. Third now I don’t like getting too in-depth about sex talk but this is very important to be aware of. You stated, “We even continued to have sex all during my pregnancy.” So that reveals again he is very familiar with children but also pregnancy now as well. If he wasn’t again he would be uncomfortable doing that.
Now when the child finally came. He just stopped having sex. This could mean a few things. Either he doesn’t like the fact that he has a child now, probably thought he was beyond that point in his life. Or when he finally saw the child, something within his thought process changed. Now here’s why I bring this up.
And you would know this better than I, because you yourself have looked into the eyes of your first born. The reality of what everything that child means, the responsibility, the patience, the long hours of staying up all night and then going to work after taking care of this lil squirrel. The headaches, the fear of how its going to grow up everything. You would be able to tell me more about that. Probably hit him like a ton of bricks more so than it would a younger guy. Because a younger guy still has years ahead of him, in essence the younger guys life is going to develop with his sons/daughters so he’s going to learn how to plan a retirement or plan ahead to leave something for his kids. Now granted your only 44 when you became pregnant but think about it, when your 64 your son will be 20. How long will you two be around for the child? What if this is what is troubling him? Think about it, the average age of men that die of natural causes is 70 somethin. (I pray to god I keel over sooner jk
) In the Uk on average same thing.
Another thing… you said, “He's always saying women cheat all the time.” Ok now this is like a dead giveaway into his mental mindset. It’s a really important factor to be aware of. In this sense, how he is using the word “all” is the same as saying, “Always,” so that can be converted to what I like to call a “broad-stroke” word. Because few things are “always” something. Water will “always” be wet, except to the fish and fish will “always” suffocate in air. Just like we’ll “always” be able to drown, yet we’ll “always” breath air… See that’s one of the few ways where I suppose “always” can “always” be used. Wanted to see if I could reach my life’s goal of ten of the same word in a short paragraph. Haven’t quite made it… >:[
Anyway, in his case he’s using all. All women don’t cheat this is obvious. Now to him his subconscious mind or not even, is mistrustful of women. If he has few or no friends then he’s mistrustful of people. (heh kinda like me, I don’t trust people in general lol) In this case it’s a mistrust of women specifically. So that reveals heart break or something he hasn’t quite gotten over. Could be the ex, I am leaning to that fact because his sister did plead with you to say and claimed how much you have helped him since the ex. Sooo I’d be really surprised if he actually did behave towards the ex prior to her cheating on him. But then again I don’t know exactly who he is.
Yes he could be gay or asexual. If not it could be fear that he doesn't last long. May be you need to work on getting out of that fear, reassure him and see if there is a change?