Okay so me and this girl have been friends since the start of the school year, we actually grew really close as friends and we talk a lot. Well sometime November I had developed feelings for her and as stupid as I am when I am tired, I told her how I felt and we talked about it for like the entire night through text and on a phone call. She said she didnt feel that way about me and I felt she had honestly felt bad about it. I was sad for awhile but she told me cause of past issues on letting a guy down who she still had lingering feelings for she didnt really think about anybody else and I took that as a good sign like hey maybe in another time it could happen, why should I give up? SO I decided that I would wait on her cause this is the first ive had honest feelings for someone in a long time. I told her that id wait for her cause I really liked her and yadda yadda. So now its february she texted me how she wanted to talk to me at school and it made me anxious, it usually wasnt a good thing when she wanted to talk about something serious at school. So I go to school (this is all today) and she just like wanted to keep shut about it which made me even more curious after awhile she had told me that she has a crush on my best friend all while knowing I still had feelings, all I said was "youre lying" and stuff like that. I tried to joke but she knew I was hurt and she asked me if I was upset I said yes and I havent talked to her yet. I sent her a message earlier and asked her if we could talk about this later on today and I just I dont know what to really do, my friend doesnt seem to know that this girl likes him or that I even like her, but I cant help but get a little mad when I talk to him but I just smile like I usually do and talk so no one really bothers me cause I dont want to get emotional at school. I go to practice and practicing took a lot of my bad energy to work so im at less of an edge now. But I dont know what to do and regardless I dont think either my best friend or my crush are bad people. You cant make someone like you and I know this, I just want some feedback on what other people think and what it is I should do or talk to her about tonight.
You sound like you got a good head on your shoulders. So I’m sure you have heard this but I’m going to remind you. We don’t always get the girl and whenever you manage to actually get that Hollywood style ride off into the sun set with the girl… when the movies over of HOW you got her you still have to live with her and manage this new relationship which is a whole other ball game as I’m sure your aware of. Now I know being told that she has a crush on your best friend is incredibly painful. Been there done that, “tell-I-you.” But whats done is done your right you can’t force someone to love you but you can do one of three things. You can get mad which sounds like you’re seeing this pretty rationally, it’s not your buddy’s fault that she likes him. You get this. So that’s that, you could leave it be and let it play itself out. Or you can do something few folks think through well enough to do.
Option 3: There’s this book I follow and study religiously called Sun Tzu’s Art of War. Can be and is applied to everyday life with business people and basically if you can think to apply it, it’s already been done. In this book theirs a specific passage under the chapter where he talks about the use of “Spies and saboteurs.” Specifically there are agents known as “converted spies,” that act for the benefit of the one whom has converted them obviously. The passage is quoted below.
“The enemy's spies who have come to spy on us must be sought out, tempted with bribes, led away and comfortably housed. Thus they will become converted spies and available for our service.”
Now obviously minus a few enemies make it a less warfare oriented strategy and how could you apply this to your situation? By turning your friend whom you have a crush on, into your own eyes on the possible future relationship between your crush and your best friend. If you have two sources of information telling you about one situation then you’re going to have a pretty clear picture into what’s going on in the relationship. Now I’m not telling you to manipulate her or him. What I am saying is if you are aware of what is going on, then you will be able to help them cultivate their relationship. So now might you be asking yourself why you would want to cultivate their relationship? Well because this is called planning years in advanced for something that has yet to occur. Youthful relationships im sorry to say very rarely manage to hold stable for the remainder of the couples lives. Because your still growing your still developing new ideas new ways of doing stuff and living. In this instance allow her to be with your friend. I don’t mean this rudely, but let him be her mistake. Because then she will mature just as you will during this process. And it will also be beneficial for them because they will both learn. We remember our first gf and bf… because they’re usually our first mistake, lessons learned. But don’t rush them help them. Guide them, be real, be a good friend. By being a good shoulder for her she will naturally tell you everything and you will have insight that you buddy cannot tell you about her. Anyway I got to go. But yea that’s my two cents.