I have been dating a widower for approximately 3 years, living with him for 1 year. About 3 months into our relationship he told me that he is friends with a woman that used to work with and that he is very close to her grandson who is now 7 years old. My significant other is a local truck driver by day and also owns a construction company that he works on week-ends. He did some work for this woman (whom is single) on her house after work. According to his daughter he had an emotional affair with the woman. His wife begged him to stop working for her cuz he would not come home until very late at night and do things for her that went beyond work. He told her he would not stop! Fast forward to now and he still is very close with the grandson (sees him at least once a week and sometimes more) and still spends time with the grandmother. He goes out of his way to buy the whole family, Birthday and Christmas gifts. He did not want me to meet them saying "they are not nice people". I left him for two weeks last Christmas and he promised that things would change and that the relationship was really only about the grandson. Since then things have not changed, however; I have meet them and they are just as he said, not real nice people. He constantly wants me to do things with her. I have had lunch with her and even went shopping with her, just to please him. I told him I do not really like her and choose not to have her as a friend. He was upset about that. Its her birthday in a few days and he told me last year that he would not buy her anymore Birthday gifts. When I asked about it, he got very upset and now will hardly talk to me. He said he is not stopping seeing her. He has told me I am just plain rude because I do not want her in my life. I am having a real hard time accepting the relationship. I think he is still having an emotional affair with her. He stated that they talk about "intimate" things but at the same time says it was never a "sexual" relationship. It's not going to change. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can get him to understand my point of view and stop the relationship with this family or do I walk away again?
To be frank, you have the choice to walk away from a relationship where you are not a priority. Is doesn't matter if he says it's an emotional union, your partner's ongoing relationship with this woman and her family is telling you where you stand with him.
Nothing will change here and you need to understand that you can beg and plead with your partner until 'you're blue in the face' but at the end of the day, you have already walked away once before because of the same issue. In doing this, you have indicated to him via your actions how you feel about the situation. I'm sorry, but the very fact that this action didn't get him to stop and think about it tells you everything about how he feels about you and his relationship with you.
Given the circumstances, your unselfish act of attempting to get to know this woman to please your partner tells us all just what sort of a person you are..but how can you justify remaining with your partner when after all this effort, he calls you rude?!
Just as he says he will not stop seeing her, which is his choice, you also have the right to make a decision for you and you alone. If you cannot find happiness, respect and emotional support here, then you will need to find it elsewhere.
Thank You for your response. I know what your saying is true, just really hard to face the fact that I have to leave, again. I know in my head there will be no coming back this time. I wish my heart and my head would agree. You gave me the answer I knew I had all along but did not want to face.