Recently my friends had invited me over to lunch, nearly 6 months had passed since school finished and we last met. University has been hectic and fairly awful so far, granted First Year is widely considered a walk in the park, my workload is genuinely tremendous. I have not managed to make a real friend at university. There is one person, with whom I have a few common interests and we hang out a fair deal as well... there isn't anyone for either of us to hang out with. But he is also a huge asshole who takes no sympathy for my need to be careful with spending. I don't want to be in debt, I've tried to loosen up and buy a meal here and there, yet its been so difficult to spend my money.
So for all terms and purposes I was beyond excited to meet up with my friends. The four of us gathered at Pizza Express, I was the last to arrive.
I was so happy to see these people who I loved so much, but as I sat there I noticed how they were fixated on their phones. I tried to make conversation, crack a joke here and there but couldn't distract them not even for an instance. The meal arrived, a spinach and egg pizza that I swallowed in silence. There was more effort here, as two of them talked a bit more. It felt good but I was immediately being shut out. I was being pushed away from them as if I was a stranger. It hurt so much.
On my way home, three of us took a train while the fourth left to go elsewhere. We were on the train going home and I noticed how the other two sat together opposite me. I smiled and attempted to engage in conversation with little to no success. Whereas the two of them talked to each other comfortably.
I thought whatever, until we had to change trains. It was me and the other one, the third one went elsewhere. She immediately pulled out a book in front of me, as if I was non-existent. She also put in headphones. I got the message there and then. Logic dictates no one listens to a song and reads a book at the same time and this was her trying to ignore me to the best of her ability (I'm crying right now). What did I do to deserve it? We simply parted at the train station as I took a bus home. I tried to keep in my tears but failed miserably.
This is whats become of my life. I've never felt so alone and miserable. I don't know this site too well, I just want a nice person to talk to me. No bullying please.
You're fixated on the past imo.. it's time to move on. The friend at uni is more of a cure for feeling alone than a real friend I'd say. Look for things to do, groups to join, a sport, martial art etc.. there will be something and it will be daunting but it WILL pass and you'll meet some cool people.
The thing on the night out with your old friends, they may have picked up on your feelings of being left out, which may have made them feel a bit awkward, it won't be anything personal against you. I would genuinely try to find some other way of spending time with people, like I suggested above. Try different groups or clubs, give them a chance before dismissing them, not all cost money and if you don;t like one, then move on, it's your life to enjoy as you see fit, don't waste it on being miserable.