LDR Girlfriend Doesn't want me to come visit
ANON1234 - Feb 11 2015 at 07:30
Some quick background information about our relationship
We were best friends for two years in high-school. I was secretly in love with her for a year, we went to college in different states. I told her how I felt after she had left, and we stopped talking for a while, and got together over winter break. We have been dating for just over a year now.
We used to talk for hours daily, and text 24/7 but lately have been running out of things to talk about and the time to talk as much. This is causing us to drift a little. In the past every time I have brought up coming to visit, there has been circumstances that prevent it. Now there is absolutely no reason why I cannot fly out, so I was planning a trip over my spring break. When I brought it up to her she told me to drop it, its not going to happen. I let it go for a while because it seemed to upset her, but could never stop thinking about why she had an objection of me coming to see her. We both love each-other very much. I am confident she isn't cheating on me or has someone else there she would be afraid of me finding out about. I asked her occasionally why, but could never get a straight answer. Now I have a free airline, and hotel, and when I brought it up again she still said no "because she says so", "because its not going to happen" and to drop it. I am starting to take it personally, and our relationship has been very one sided lately. I am constantly waiting for her to call or text me back, but the second I miss something from her she gets upset. Ill ask her all the time to skype, and she is usually busy, but I understand that with college and job and sports, but if she asks me and I'm not free she gets upset. It hasn't always been like this. We have had a mutually loving relationship for a year. I don't know what has changed. She told me she diddn't want me to come visit because she left home for a reason, but it's not like I'm asking to come live with her or bring my state to her. Just a weekend trip. Her parents visit occasionally, and she even had friends come and visit her from school over summer and winter break. If its not the money, and its not the time what is the issue? When I told her I had a free airline and hotel, she told me to drop it, and when I persisted trying to state my case telling her how I felt, and how she made me feel, she said I was being a drama queen and to get over it. She talks about our future, where we are going to live when we get out of college. For some reason me coming to visit is such a sensitive subject, that will get her to tell me to f*** off followed by the classic "k", and being ignored.
I really don't know what to do here. It hurts that she doesn't want me to visit, but if I tell her about my feelings I'm a drama queen. And if I ignore it this pit in my stomach gets bigger and bigger. I have thought for a while that this could possibly be the girl I spend the rest of my life with, but after seeing how awful she can treat me I don't know how to deal with it, or if this is just where we go our separate ways. Relationships are supposed to be a two way street, and I'm am supposed to be able to tell my significant other about me feelings without feeling emasculated. Long distance couples are supposed to visit each other on occasion. I don't feel like I've been overly clingly lately, or done anything out of bounds, so I'm not sure why I am getting treated like she doesn't care. One minute she will be telling me how much she loves and misses me, and the next were arguing about why she doesn't want me to see her.
Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.
I came onto this site to get advice of my own but I saw this and had to reply. You see, I'm like you. I work on relationships and don't mind because I believe the person I'm with is worth it. It seems to me like you're the same. The problem with people like us however, is that we often get hurt by people that don't want to put in as much effort, who take us for granted and believe we aren't worth it. It sounds like your girlfriend no longer appreciates you or even really wants you. If she loved you, then she would be jumping for any opportunity to see you, especially since you two are long distance and barely see each other. She is most likely cheating, as cheaters are often paranoid that their significant other is doing the same thing that they are doing.
Some part of her may love you still, but that's not enough. You can't fix a relationship if the other person isn't willing to even talk. It takes two to make a relationship work. As hard as I know it will be, you need to break up with her and move on to someone who will appreciate you.
Take it from someone who has been emotionally abused, lied to, manipulated, and cheated on.