Advice is appreciated about my problem
So first off I have two children, I was left for another woman while pregnant with our second child in Oct 2013, she knew I was pregnant I should say.
Their father and I had no issues during this time, he just clicked and bam was with her.
He gives signals like he wants to come home, apologizes a lot....but these are phases it seems...he just recently like very recent decided he will attempt visits with the kids not in my home...our son doesn't want to go with him...he can barely handle our daughter...I would like advice on why he drops off treats, takes us for supper, cries his eyes out when he leaves....but then she is around and he is a totally jerk and denies any emails where he acts like he doesn't even have a girlfriend...it is very confusing for me..like I know he is gone and is with her but why all the little things does he do that???? Please I have been trying to move on...our daughter didn't have an easy birth and our son hates him basically...
First I will say that I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's certainly not what you signed up for when you said "I do"!
Secondly, your husband is in a fog as they call it. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants you and his family and to keep his girlfriend. Which is not an option! Sounds like he's not letting on to his gf that he still wants to be with you, which is why he's being a jerk and denying the emails when she's around. He's probably telling her that she's his everything, blah blah blah.
If I were you, and only if you are interested in trying to repair your marriage (this has to be your choice, not anyone else!), I would tell him that if there is any chance of reconciliation, he needs to get rid of the gf, have zero contact with her and then you will consider working on the marriage. But as long as she is still in the picture, there isn't a relationship to work on. And is on again off again with the kids is simply not fair to the kids, especially your son since he's old enough it seems to be aware that your husband isn't fully committed to him (or you).
I don't know if you've ever heard of the "180" but read up on it. It will be helpful for you during the times he comes to the house for the kids. Basically it helps you to disconnect and shut off your emotions to the best of your ability when he is around. So he doesn't have the pleasure of seeing you upset or weak for him. Ultimately the 180 is for you, not him. It helps you get stronger for yourself and your kids and to help you figure out what YOU want.
I wish you the best, this is not an easy road to travel (it's one I have traveled myself) and it's not a short journey either. Again, I'm sorry and you did nothing to cause this or deserver this, please remember that! You are a beautiful, smart, talented and worthy woman!