Going Nowhere Fast
I married my college sweetheart at 22 and at 24 we had a son. We were struggling financially and when my son was 3 we thought it be best to part ways, while remaining on very good terms, I had not dated for a long while working many hours while my mother watched my son. One night at a dinner party I met a man 3 years younger than myself, never married and had no children. At this time I was living in an apartment in my fathers house to try and save money, I was 31 at this time and my son was 7. After dating for 4 years we had a beautiful wedding - I still worked and he worked 2 jobs, desperate to have my own home as normal married couples usually do, and considering he makes a good salary, we had an agent drive us to houses on the weekends, he found fault with every single house
The agent must have put mad miles on his car and was getting quite annoyed. So here's my question - we met in 1999 we married in 2005 - It's 15 years later my son is 22 and we are still living in my fathers house. Now, I did not place an ad for a room mate and since he works 2 jobs I by myself most of the time. Im at my breaking point, I can no longer live like this. My friends tell me I should have thrown him out 10 years ago. So 15 years just flew by, I turn 47 next week. What would you do if you were in this situation? My patience has worn out.
I suggest having a what's-this-really-about talk. Guys often have feelings they don't like to discuss but you can often eventually get it out of them. I'm sure his first response would be that he just doesn't like them for the reasons he's given, but it may be that he is scared of the responsibility that comes with a house and mortgage. Do you pay your father rent?
I think there's probably more to this than meets the eye and that it will be the underlying issues this particular problem indicates rather than the fact that you are struggling to find the right house for you both.
Violette, thank you, for you suggestion, at the time I moved back home as a single mom in my twenties my dad never charged me rent. He started years after the marriage Im in now. Considering he makes 150 grand a year my father thought if he charged him $500 a month that would leave plenty left for savings. At the time we were looking we had saved 52,000. If I didn't find a place I would have to send my son to live with his father for 4 years because the HS by me were awful. There were plenty of places we could have afforded, he found fault with every single one, and I had to send my son to his fathers for 4 years, which defiantly did not help the marriage, way too much resentment builds up. He blew through the savings, and even borrowed 10 grand from my dad. I think he's a degenerate gambler, all the signs are there. My friends told me if you meet a guy in his early thirties that still lives with mama dada run as fast as you can. I know he gives his parents money as well. We have friends that got married 10 years after us and make half of what he makes and they all have they're own place.if you can't provide a roof over your families head and wants no children of your own, why get married? We haven't been on a vacation in over 4 years and he's driving a car that his brother gave him. I've heard every excuse under the sun, my son was 7 when we met he will be 23 in the fall. I think my son & myself will find a place and I'll send this one packing back to mama dada with his diaper & his binky. If he hasn't done anything by now, he never will. I really want to have some happiness before I die