Grumpy emotional woman (me)
I see there are people on this forum with very real problems and so please don't bother reading this unless you are wanting to give advice to a relatively spoilt lady in comparison.
I've come on here to rant and grumble anonymously, my hubby is a very loving loyal guy but I feel a need to let out my annoyances to a friend in order to feel better and while this negativity is usually counteracted with positive stories sometimes I worry that I may give a more negative portrayal than I mean to. Hence talking to strangers for a change, and also my grumble is about a friend of my best friend which makes it more awkward.
My grumble is this, Hubby met this girl at my best friend's wedding where I was the maid of honour and naturally pretty busy a lot of the day so I was glad he had someone to talk to as he didn't know many people there. Since then they friended each other on Facebook. We share a tablet because mine got broken and so the messenger app is linked to his facebook account. For a while we both chatted to this girl and then she went quiet as stuff got too busy at work. Since then they have both sent intermittent messages to each other but I haven't bothered since she is appalling at replying and who has time for that. I dont have a problem with him being friends with a girl as I trust him 100% and he doesn't have many close friends, just lots of acquaintances and some old friends who find it hard to make time for people apparently.
When I go online on the tablet the messages on Facebook that he's been sending and receiving on his phone flash up on the taskbar and I find some of them damn annoying. He doesn't care of I read them because there's nothing going on, it's just the attitude displayed in his words that annoy me. I know the simplest thing would be to remove the app, but the fact is that the way he is communicating with her would still be going on, I'd just be oblivious or imagining a conversation that probably isn't even happening because she's ignoring him for another few weeks.
The thing I find annoying is that with friends he's usually the jokey teasing type who you know likes you because he gently insults you, I'm sure you know the kind. With her it's more like 'well that's because you're an awesome person'. Weird. He also asks her to tell him stuff no one else knows as if it would make him more special than anyone else. I reckon he likes her because she strikes his ego with her compliments. I spoke to him about it when they were first talking because A I thought it might give her the impression he fancies her B because I thought he was being inappropriate by doing things like messaging her first thing when he got to work to ask her how if she slept well and C I found it hurtful that while I was talking to her about stuff we were doing as a couple, with him it was all "I like this, I'm (not we're) doing this, entertain me I'm bored "
while I was sat in the same room!). I didn't see the comments til later when I was using the tablet but I found it hurtful and so said so.
The inappropriate comments stopped but he obviously didn't get it because he apologized to her 'in case it came over as stalkerish' (boys). But the it's all about me stuff hasn't. We're planning to go see another couple on Valentine's evening to have dinner with them, the guy was Hubbys groomsman. But a message flashed up this morning in reply to her asking what he was doing 'probably just working'. Now the dinner hasn't been confirmed yet as they're going to a niece's birthday party in the afternoon but if it doesn't happen we will most likely be snuggled on the sofa watching a film. (Valentine's is just a marketing ploy to us and I think it's unfeeling to lonely people)
The reason I want to rant at strangers is that I want him to have a friend and not be the possessive woman but it really emotionally bugs me. They've swapped phone numbers now because she 'doesn't get notifications on Facebook' (please) so I won't see all the messages now anyway. That also annoys me, she only wants to talk to him when she's bored and blames technology. I dropped her as a friend for the exact same reason yet he goes running to her asking how she is like a puppy dog after its been kicked. Please tell me the mature thing to do. Delete the app, accept the fact that he pretends I don't exist when talking to a girl and let it go?
Firstly, I came to this forum for the same reason - a rant and a chat with strangers. Sometimes, having a stranger give an opinion is much easier and feels fairer than a friend, colleague, family member etc!
Now, to your post. Being open is the easiest thing to say and to suggest. But we all know having a conversation like this isn't easy, especially when you could end up looking the fool if nothing is happening and you're just being paranoid.
My wife-to-be had a close male friend at work when we first started dating. He flirted with her on Facebook, openly in comments and posts. I read into it as "there must be history" or something, but it turns out that he was just a bit of an idiot who thought every women he talked to would fall to their knees for him, and my Mrs said it was easier to let him be than to block him and have it become awkward.
I'd suggest deleted the app. Nothing good can come of reading private conversations. Then see what he does. Does he text and email a lot? If not, then if he suddenly starts doing it a lot then you can ask why the sudden surge in texting. If not, then harmless chatting can't be too bad.
In the past, I've sent the odd flirty message to a friend. I'm on this forum with my own problems, but when I had sent them before it wasn't for any other reason than a bit of fun.
Sorry for the long reply!
Oh I'm sure nothing is going on, like I said I trust him. If it was actual flirting I would say something for sure because I consider that cheating. It was more I was asking whether my feelings were important enough to say something or petty and not worth making a fuss over so I need to work on them. Part of me feels if it upsets me because his reaction to her isn't that of a normal friend then I should matter enough for him to drop it or whether I should support him with having a harmless friendship even if it bugs me. Does that make more sense?