Should I just suicide??
I don't know what to do, I'm desperate to talk and ask someone for advise in life, I'm a 15 years old girl. Ever since I was born I have been seeing my parents quarrel, my father abuses my mother mentally. He is quite a high earner but he doesn't complete our necessities, God know what he does with his money and my mother doesn't ask him but both of them continuously gets into fights. It is natural that now I'm older I interrupt their fights and try to stop it. I have a really intense hatred for my father because he cheated on my mother countless times and he treats my mother like some sort of a servant, I told my mother to get a divorce countless times but she only gets angry at me and tells me to stay out of it but the reason why my mother doesn't get a divorce is because she doesn't earn so she thinks we'll starve to death if she gets a divorce. We don't live in a developed country, we live in Bangladesh. My little sister is very weak, she fall sick constantly and she is only 11 I don't want her to live a life like this. My father is extremely selfish, he uses his money to buy expensive alcohol and drinks with his friends. I still remember when I was 8 my mother had high fever and yet she was working hard in the kitchen to prepare food for us and my father was sitting in his bedroom and talking with his friends like he always does (or maybe some women) my mother didn't manage to cook much due to het fever but then she served it on the table and when my father came to eat he saw the little food my sick mother made, he became wrathful and threw away all the food and slapped my mother for cooking so little, he always insults my grandparents and I don't what is wrong with him, he doesn't treat us like a family, it's like we're his purchased goods. My mother manages everything of mine and my sisters, from admitting to schools, helping us to study, she does absolutely everything for us. At first I though my mom as a strong women for bearing with this everyday but now I think I was wrong, if she was strong she would have left him. These days I've stopped talking with my father because I just hate him, I can't help but scream at him when I see him, and he blames my mother saying she bewitched me and made me oppose him, and now my mother is also blaming me telling me that because of me the quarrels are getting more and more. Am I being paranoid ?? Or is it natural for all these things to happen, I'm not afraid to die, I thinking dying will be easier than living a life like this. There is no law at my country at which if I turn 18 I can live by myself or anything so I don't know when all these will end. I once tried to sucide when I was 10 but stopped thinking about my sister and mother, but now even my mother is blaming me saying because of my rude behavior toward my father the problems are even more now. So if I'm the reason of so many problem I think suciding is my best option right now.
Please don't think about suicide things will get better. I know you can't see it now but things alway do improve. Your father does sound like a controlling and nasty man but none of this is your fault. People like that like to blame their problems on others. I don't know what the answers are but I hope your mother can get the strength to own day leave. Could you go and live with your grandparents maybe? If your mother doesn't want to leave it's difficult and you probably can't change her mind. Talk to your mortar though and explain how you feel. Or could you talk to another family member to trust? Please don't go through this alone. Thinking of you xx
Snap! I tried to do myself in when I was only 15 (tried to jump out of a very high window). Didn't work because someone intervened on "...three!". And I'm very glad it didn't because it's true that 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and the stronger you are, the better you cope with life's future troughs (and peaks, actually). Plus, in accordance with what Upset6 has just said - I wouldn't be where I am today, which is *very* happy. Or to be 100% precise and realistic: very contented mixed mainly with deliriously happy and only *very rarely* a bit down in the dumps. It also, back then, took only 6 months following that needless attempt for my life to completely turn around... without myself even having had to lift a finger! I was forgetting about the THIRD player in this world, you see - Fate. It stepped in with a drastic, wholly unexpected and unforseeable circumstance change which improved everything *instantly*. Only, here's the thing: had I NOT reached that prior low as on the exit side left me stronger, I probably wouldn't have been ready for that unexpected, massive improvement and the responsibilities that came with it. It was definitely part of my path to 'here'.
So what I'm trying to say is, you are *not* alone, even if you have no people to turn to, meaning suicide is not necessary and an over-reaction. Fate has always, ALWAYS got your back and, having a far longer vision than us mere mortals, knows precisely what it's doing and why as well as when precisely to step in.
So what's also true is this further idiom: "This too shall pass".
Please now go chat with R for moral support. She's going through something very similar as we speak, and note the Childline India website details on her thread (called "My life is full of problems...please help me'). Here's the link:
Meanwhile... Your mother obviously is strong but it's simply that, for now, her strength is pointed in the wrong direction. I don't know what your country's divorce laws are like, but, assuming she would be entitled to a fair settlement, and assuming she secretly does want out - would it be possible for you to find a website that she could read which describes what she'd be legally entitled to were she to divorce him so that she can gain the massive confidence needed either to stand up to him more firmly or finally visit a lawyer in order to start a divorce and make him leave the house? If not, try to detach as much as possible. If your mother really couldn't tolerate the situation or didn't gain in other ways from being married to this narcissistic bully, she absolutely WOULD leave. People do once things become literally intolerable.
Ever heard of the Serenity Prayer? You don't have to be religious to appreciate the wisdom it embodies:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Hope that helps. Remember: I am that soldier. And all wars inevitably end. Hang in there!
Hello SARAH2150, I am 17-year-old girl, *R from India. As SOULMATE said, you and me are in the same boat. We both are facing similar kind of problems in life. As country neighbors, I would like to help you...can you tell me more about your other relatives, like your cousins, your aunts or uncles and about their lives? Maybe then, I would be able to properly interpret your problems and try to solve them... You can reply on my thread (called "My life is full of problems...please help me')...
Also, I wanted to ask, are you a Bengali?