I lie and have cheated so many time
In truth. we went on our first date 15 years ago and I liked him a lot but I went back to my ex and we slept together again for the second time and yes when he finished the next day or so he finished me again for the second time in a row. I was still seeing David and we just hit it off, he had a large heart and loved to be with me but He did not want to rush things because he said he wanted things to be right. he is very old fashion like that. Anyway, I had a party at my mothers when she was on holiday and David and his brother, sister and Davids friend, David did not feel great but come to see me but had to go to bed because he felt so bad, so I led him to my room and put him in bed. I wend down stairs and carried on drinking with everyone. to cut a long story short I slept with his brother and the floor of the living room, we did not use protection i just pushed him off before we got going because i felt bad.
The next day I never told him that we had sex. I just said that we had a drunken kiss that meant nothing.
David and I sorted things out and we went out on a night out and i run into an ex and a few days latter I ended up sleeping with him. David and I was just starting out and was not together in a sexual way at that point because he wanted things to be right and get to know each-other first properly.
anyway. I never told him about nio the other encounters eg kissing others his school mate.
the time came when we made love, it was amazing and i knew i loved him so much. we started dating and all was going well until he has suspicions about what I had done. his friends and family got involved and advised he say away. I went on holiday for a week or so and we called each-other and had a chat, he said that he could not trust me because i lied and his ex had found out about the way i treated him so he was going back to her, after-all he was with her for 6 years and met when they were both young.
I was hurt that he had finished with me and met a bloke and we slept together. I got home and David and I started to speak again. I knew he loved me and I loved him. we became friends but kept have sexual encounters. Things were so right between us. I started to sleep with quite a few lads at uni on the quite but seeing David as and when he was free. I had to ask David to join me for an STI check because I have slept with most of my partners without a condom. I never told David the reason. I just said it was so we both know we are clean. He said no because he had only slept with a few people and he knows his history and they were all long term 2/3/6 years.
the problem I am having is I have had 14 one nigh stands and 5 very short relationships. before we got engaged David and I had got off with someone else at my friends wedding. A few weeks latter David went camping with his friends and i went out with work and ended up shearing a taxi and inviting him in. after ten or so mins we started to kiss on the sofa but then David called to say goodnight and he was missing me. I felt so bad.
we got married and had a child, moved into a new house and things were great until my ex called and asked to meet me again. I called David and he said " do what is right " So I argued that we were friends, I have not spoken to him for years like. I know I would not want david to see his ex but He flatters me and I wanted to meet him. anyway the text got very sexual and I thought I better not go and did not go in the end.
I never told David about any of my past cheating, his brother the guys before and when we got engaged and now he has found out about the lot, well 90% of it anyway.
He feels like I have trapped him because he asked me about his suspicions over the years. In truth I have, I wanted to be married to him and have his children. I know he will forgive just 15 years of lies. All my family and friend hate him because I told them he was the bad one.
The question is do i diverse this man. I just keep hurting him, I know I love him and he is my world. he has nearly left so many time because of the things I have done.
You need to get some counseling for yourself.The fact that you're sleeping off and on with these men..and sounding all confused about what to do.You need to work on you.Find out why YOU are acting this way.If you don't work on yourself...you will forever be doing the same old thing with more men,,,not being happy but feeling alone and confused..time waits for no one and if you want a chance at having a good healthy relationship with someone..you need to 1st fix yourself.Easier said then done because a lot of people just jump from one relationship into the next but all one is doing is piling up more BS on top of more BS...