Problems with a woman going through a divorce
8 months ago, I started a relationship with a woman who was starting her divorce proceedings. Knowing the difficulties of a divorce (as I had been through one 3 years prior), I knew what to except as far as the emotional roller coaster that comes through this process.
I have been patient, understanding, and forgiving as she has gone through the entire ordeal. I respect her and we communicate very well and are open to discussing everything.
With the issues of the divorce, it has led us into so many fights and arguments, as I had expected throughout this ordeal. But it has reached a point where all we do is argue and its torturing us both. She proposed us just being friends to see if we can get along again, but in reality, I am not a confrontational person and I don't fight with anyone in my life. These arguments stem from her actions and her emotions. There are days when she is jealous of me, angry with me, distant, depressed, and just confused.
I am not going through all this with her in vain. I have been in her shoes and there's alot of pain and growth she still needs to go through.
Being her friend is making things difficult for me. While I understanding the reason for all the pain, I am still upset and angry for the roller coaster ride she has put us through. I want to forgive her and be her friend, but I am still very much in love with her. I have told her that for a friendship to be pure and good for us both, we need to be on the same page about the friendship. Part of me wants to give us both space so she can find herself and I can heal. If its meant to be, it will be, no matter what kind of distance comes between us during this time.
Because of this, she thinks I am abandoning her and being selfish. The burden of being in love with someone going through all this is draining. I knew it would be and Ive stuck through it all because of what she means to my life. The woman I want to marry. The family we both want with each other.
I understand her frustrations, she is scared that this fighting and arguing will become the norm for our relationship and it scares her. I try to explain to her that this roller coaster ride is not yet done and is a big part of the arguing. Im really lost. We have been spinning out wheels for the past 2 months and I don't know what to do anymore.
When a woman is going through a hard time like this, giving space can easily feel like abandonment to her so it is important to not make her feel neglected. In reality, she needs you very much right now. How she chooses to cope and heal with the current issues is another story. She should be trying to move forward and not sulk in the now. I understand your frustration. You want to wake up in the morning to her being over it all and ready to embrace life with you. But she is not able to do that. It will take time and it is up to you to figure out if you can handle that. If you truly love her, then you need to just simply be supportive. The best thing a man can do for any woman is provide her with constant reassurance. Men hate doing that for some reason. They don't understand why they need to reassure her when they've said it a thousand times. But with your reassurance brings confidence, strength, encouragement, and higher self-esteem. If a woman has those things from the man she loves, she can heal and get over her problems faster and easier. It won't be easy to tolerate some of the issues at first, but by staying optimistic and encouraging her, you are helping her and yourself move in the direction you need and want to be in. I know when my fiancé is upset, I am instantly upset too, even if it has nothing to do with me. Your emotions feed off of each other. So be the bigger person and create a positive emotional environment CONSISTENTLY for the next several weeks and I promise you will see a big difference!!! And reassurance should be given in all things...reassure her of your love, your attraction to her, your feelings for her, etc.... not just on the issue at hand. Give her something to think about and something to feel proud of each day. She will start to feel more secure and stronger willed to get through the mess that is currently taking over.
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