Love him so much
Here is my problem
I am seeing a guy (or am I) for the last 3.5 years
We have known each other for 18 years
We have tried dating before 3 times to be exact and thought we were better off has friends
But this last time we have stuck it out. But I don't know what we have I have asked him the past and he responded with he wasn't looking for anything. He has been
divorced for 16years and never got back into a serious relationship. So I guess what I am asking it am I in a relationship with him or is it more like a friend with benefits? We haven't had sex in about 8 months now and don't know why. He is in his 50's so don't know if that is playing a part of it.
We only see each other once a week but text every other day. But this last month he has made up excuses not to see me. He even is starting to lie.
I just wish he would talk to me
My head says drop him like a bag of crap but my heart says different
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated
Hi, sorry to hear you're in this situation and it's difficult to advise without knowing abit more, do either of you have kids, are you a similar age to him? Friends with benefits is about having sex, being mates but no committment so it does'nt quite sound like that. Has he met someone else but can't bring himself to tell you, why don't you ask him?
We both have kids by different ppl. All of them are in university.
He is 49 I am 43
We used to have sex all the time but just over the last 8 months all we do is kiss and cuddle.
If I could ask I would we don't really talk to each other very well. We kinda keep everything bottled up inside I guess we don't want to hear what know how each of us feel scared I guess
I truly love him and want to say it to him but I know once I do it will be over. Cuz he will get scared of feeling loved by someone.
I know we need to talk but it's so hard for me!!
He's not "scared". He's not a 10-year-old boy being forced to have an adult relationship with a grown woman. He's a full grown male who just wants all the perks of a relationship (company, admiration, the right to sex) without barely any of the work that earns it. A cake and eat it merchant. There are a lot of them about.
Your heart says different purely because it's attached and would rather avoid a mere short-term spell of pain (having to get over him) despite the longer term gain on offer. Your head, however, clearly knows what's what.
Furthermore, sorry to say, ref the recent drop in contact and lies, it sounds like he's either backing out because he no longer needs a casual relationship or backing out because he's hooking up with another woman behind your back. My bet is that if that relationship looks like working out, he'll then drop you like a hot potato.
Why you sound so surprised, however, is beyond me because he did say he 'wasn't looking for anything'.
Dump the dud, is my advice, in favour of getting yourself the real deal - a guy who'll leave you in no doubt whatsoever that you and he are in a full-blown, exclusive, committed relationship. There's no cheating at relationships and trying to have half (or whatever fraction) of one because, like a pot plant given only half the amount of water it needs, it'll just take longer to go nowhere but kaput whilst looking and feeling shoddy in the meantime. It's all or nothing.
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Ok, this is what I think. You can go two ways with this; carry on sitting around waiting and wondering what's going to happen and probably feeling miserable whilst you do so, or get proactive and make something happen yourself (and yes I know that's alot easier said than done, but if you do you'll feel empowered!)
Then it's about what you want to happen; you can have a conversation with him, it's really not that hard you know; maybe meet somewhere neutral for a coffee and say what you need to say, ask him questions, find out how the land lies.
Or there is another option; Back right off yourself, give yourself some time and space to think about what sort of relationship you're looking for, then go out there and find it and don't settle for second best!